I want to make one thing perfectly clear right off the bat, I am an enigma, and believe it or not, a vast amount of people consider me to be a world-renowned scholar of esoteric knowledge, I contemplate things that many would not or could not dare to think about.
Being a scholar of esoteric knowledge I have lived my entire life based on the profound wisdom of John Houseman, who once said, ” A wise man believes only in lies, trusts only the absurd and learns to expect the unexpected”
So, because of all this, I find myself thinking about a lot of things that most people probably haven’t even considered thinking about before. I am going to share a few of these thoughts with you to see what you think. Feel free to comment on any one of (or all) these profound revelations.
Please remember all these opinions are mine, and mine alone, and are not meant to disrespect anyone’s personal beliefs or philosophy in life. If you are offended, by my opinions and my beliefs then you should stop reading this article right now.
Life & Death
The Afterlife
I hear religious people all the time talking about the glorious afterlife they’re going to have after death. Really? How do you know that? What if you’re wrong? Just saying. I know one thing for certain, believe me, I have thought about this a lot. “Life is a sure thing, and death is definitely to uncertain for my liking”. I equate this to someone who is relying on winning the lottery as their retirement plan., the odds are totally against you. You may want to have a plan B, just in case Plan A, doesn’t work out
I don’t know about you, but not one person that I have ever known, or even ever heard of that had died, has ever come back, appeared to me, came to me in a dream, or anything else for that matter, and extolled the virtues of being dead, and how awesome the afterlife is, and encouraged me to try it for myself.
Think about that for a moment. Although, I have had living people tell me that I should just die, or that I should just kill myself. Obviously, I didn’t listen to them and don’t plan to, not now and not ever.
I know exactly what some of you are thinking right about now. “You have to have faith and you have to believe with all your heart”. OK, I get that. I have heard this literally uncountable times before.
Here is something to consider, I had a good really good friend Brad, (who by the way has also passed away, and has also never tried to contact me from beyond the grave either). Anyway, Brad believed with his entire being that aliens would never allow a nuclear war to occur between nations on Earth and they would immediately intervene if one was imminent. He had absolute unshakable faith in this and believed it with all his heart.
I know this first hand, as Brad and me, discussed this topic on numerous occasions. Brad never wavered in his belief, or for that matter ever produced any kind of proof, or any kind of evidence that this was actually the case, not an alien manifesto, or any proof at all. I personally thought that this was not something that I would want to rely on in the brink of a nuclear war.
I had serious concerns, what if the unspecified aliens were on vacation, stuck in trans-galactic traffic, or were asleep when a nuclear war on earth started. I mentioned my concerns to Brad, and he was still supremely confident and absolutely believed that the aliens would intervene and that I was foolish to be concerned at all.
So who’s right? and who’s wrong? That’s the part I am still contemplating.
Did you know that 80% of Evangelical Christians voted for Donald Trump? I would be really interested in knowing how anyone could possibly unite, or find common ground between these two opposing forces. I do know that I can’t seem to wrap my head around this one, no matter how much I think about it.
According to evangelical Christianity, If an atheist lived a good life, helped the poor and disadvantaged, did not lie, cheat, steal, or kill, essentially lived a good upstanding life by any measure but somehow failed to accept Jesus Christ before his/her death, they would be condemned to hell.
However, if Charles Manson, Adolf Hitler, or Ted Bundy, did accept Jesus Christ and ask for forgiveness before their deaths, they would all go to heaven. I am sorry but this just sounds absurd.
Scientologists
Scientology was invented by L. Ron Hubbard, a somewhat well-known “Science Fiction author”.
According to dummies.com “Scientologists believe that people are immortal alien beings (called thetans) who have forgotten their true nature and are trapped on earth in a human body. Scientologists believe that each thetan has lived numerous past lives, both on earth in our physical bodies, and on other planets. Scientologists also believe that by undergoing a series of classes and teachings (called auditing by the church), people can free themselves of their human form and reclaim their true selves.
Seriously? I think I’ve read the book and it ends badly for your bank account.
Here’s what I believe, as the great philosopher Forrest Gump once said, “Stupid is what stupid does” and “That’s all I have to say about that”.
Science
Gravity
People generally agree that the discovery of “Gravity” is one of the most fundamentally important discoveries of all time. First, Issac Newton, but he was wrong, and then Albert Einstein finally described the fundamental concept of “Gravity” as we know it today.
I want to put forth the idea that this was actually not as big a deal as people make it out to be. You see, gravity is always there, even on holidays, overnight, and the weekends. Someone would have discovered gravity sooner or later anyway. Seriously this seems pretty obvious to me.
Climate Change
99.9% of scientists and scientific bodies around the world tell us that climate change is real and is being caused by mankind because of our industrial activities. I accept their findings. After all, I am not a climate scientist.
The part of climate change that I to contemplate is the thinking of those who deny it’s real. Virtually all climate change deniers start their denial with, “I am not a scientist, but…..”
That’s right you are not a scientist Bozo, so who are you to refute them with your own bullshit. Donald Trump says that climate change is a hoax perpetrated by the Chinese. What????
Sarah Palin is another climate change denier, so that should tell you everything you need to know.
Personally, I’m with the scientists on this one.
Discovering America
When I went to school they taught us that Christopher Columbus discovered America. No, he did not! The Americas were always there. Columbus was actually sailing for the West Indies, but being the really piss poor sailor that he was, he made a wrong turn and ran right smack into America. So, Christopher “Wrong Way”Columbus made a wrong turn, and somehow “discovered” something that was there all along. I mean seriously, it’s not like you could miss it or anything. Columbus was way, way, overrated. Not to mention the fact that he was an asshole, and a slaver.
Hell, the way I see it, “Gilligans Island” had a more believable plotline than Christopher Columbus discovering America.
Aliens (Extraterrestrial Life)
I have been thinking about this for a very long time now. When I talk about aliens I am referring to the kind from another planet, not to be confused with undocumented people from one country living in another country without permission.
We seem to have two kinds of supposed alien visitations. The first type is where alien beings visit some poor uneducated fool named Billy Bob in the middle of nowhere, abduct him against his will give him some sort of inexplicable anal probe, release him and go on their merry way.
This makes no sense on several levels. How many anal probes would alien beings require from human beings? and what would be the ultimate purpose?
I would think that if alien beings wanted to reveal themselves to Earth they most likely would not appear to Billy Bob in the middle of nowhere, they would be a lot more effective landing at Central Park in NYC, at noon on a Saturday, where thousands of people would see them. Not to mention the fact that this would be a lot better place to gather their anal probe data as they could collect hundreds at once. I would be willing to bet that they could find several people who would even volunteer for anal probing.
The other type of alien sighting consists of either coloured lights in the night sky or supposed video of some sort of alien craft just buzzing the Earth. I often wonder if aliens just buzz the planet just to fuck with us for fun?
According to the theory of Occam’s razor, with two facts being equal, the simplest explanation is usually the correct one.
Unidentified lights in the sky, or (usually fuzzy images) of unusually shaped craft flying over someplace seems like a stretch from other more simple explanations.
I do believe that considering that there are literally billions of planets and galaxies out there that there is certainly a great probability that there are other forms of life somewhere in the universe. Don’t get me wrong, I certainly do not have any proof to support this belief, this is just a very strong statistical probability.
Here’s something to contemplate. I am going to science the shit out of this one, so hang on. The closest star (another sun) from Earth is 4.24 light years away. It is a binary star system and Faint Proxima Centauri is the closest one.
A light-year is a distance that light travels in one year. According to Einstein’s Theory of Relativity – E = mc2 this equates to 186,000 miles per second. To put this into perspective that means that if you could travel the speed of light, it would mean that you could travel from Earth to the Moon in 1.3 seconds. Also, according to the Einstein’s relativity, one cannot travel at, or faster than the speed of light.
So, by the laws of physics, as we understand it, travelling at .99% the speed of light, it would take an alien race sometime more than 4.24 years each way just to reach Earth. Of course, because of time dilation, they would only experience a trip of only about 14 days, while 4.24 years would have passed on Faint Proxima Centauri.
So, ignoring pesky things like having to slow down, orbital mechanics, and everything else, If aliens left Faint Proxima Centauri at,99% the speed of light somehow slingshot around the Earth and go right back home. These alien astronauts would have aged only about 24 days while everyone else on their planet would have aged 8.48 years. BAM! Mic drop!
What that means is either extraterrestrial aliens have either discovered other laws of physics and technologies that we don’t have any understanding or comprehension of, which is not beyond the realm of possibility, or it could be that we are just separated by too vast distances to ever meet or have any meaningful communication.
Let’s just imagine for a moment that an alien culture only 4.24 light years away sent us a modulated communication by a powerful laser. Assuming that we could even understand the message, and answer it right away, the message would take 4,24 years to get here and another 4.24 more years before they got our response. Just saying hello to each other would take 8.48 years. A generation would have lived and died before any sort of meaningful communication would have occurred.
I am going to be thinking about this one for quite a long time.
Our own solar system is vast. For all the science geeks out there like me here is a fascinating video that illustrates, in real-time, the journey of a photon of light emitted from the surface of the sun and travelling across a portion of our solar system, from a human perspective.
Fake News and Alternative Facts
This is one area where I attempt to contemplate some sort of meaning but somehow I always fail miserably. Although that doesn’t stop me from trying.
Did you know that pollsters recently did a survey where they talked to lots of people and presented them with a conspiracy theory without any basis in fact or offering any proof and a full 33% of the people believed them without question?
What the fuck is wrong with these people? Whatever happened to critical thinking? What I find interesting is how the 33% of the people who obviously believes anything, without proof or basis, in fact, or reality, is about the same percentage of people who voted for Donald Trump.
Is this a coincidence? Who knows. Although I believe that there is a strong probability that this is actually the case that 33% of the people are actually morons who will believe anything, without proof, or facts, no matter how absurd it might be.
I actually had a friend tell me recently that Breitbart news was going to be the “new” New York Times. Are you fucking kidding me? The New York Times is a Pulitzer prize winning news source. Breitbart news, not so much.
Donald trump recently tweeted that NY Times, NBC, ABC, MSNBC and CNN News are enemies of the American People. This is incredibly dangerous and is certainly just Trump’s propaganda. Just because mainstream news organisations report his own words or report actual news that is critical of him or his policies does not make them enemies of the American people it just makes them news organisations doing their jobs as journalists.
Conversely, if the mainstream news organisations mentioned above are enemies of the American people, then that would infer that biased or outright fake news sites e.g.- FOX News, Breitbart, Infowars, or the Drudge Report are not. Sadly, people actually buy into these alternative facts.
The main issue that I try to contemplate is why? Another important question is why do people vote against their own interests?
I listen to NPR three hours per day, read the Huffington Post, CNN, MSNBC, ABC News, CBS News, NBC News, Bloomberg, NY Times, Washington Post,and Politico every day to try to get a good understanding of events and to try see if there is a consensus regarding the day’s news events. Notice that the common thread between all of these news sites is that they are all award-winning mainstream news sources.
I am still stunned when I wear my NPR tee-shirt that Trump supporters will point to it and say that NPR is a liberal news organisation. Seriously??? NPR is about as fair and balanced as you can get and they always present both sides in every news story they produce, and furthermore, NPR doe’s not provide any sort of commentary one way or the other, they present the facts from both sides and leave it up to you to decide for yourself where you stand on the issues at hand. Isn’t this what real journalism is all about?
Since when did NPR suddenly become the enemy, or somehow become a liberal news source? They haven’t, and I can’t imagine that they ever will be.
Thomas Jefferson once said, “Democracy is founded upon a well-educated population” He was right then, and he is, even more, right today. The internet and fake news sources have enabled people to validate their own beliefs regardless if they are true or not.
I get it, It is really hard for some people to change their belief systems when confronted with indisputable facts to the contrary. However, as human beings, this is how life is. The real truth of reality is not what you want it, or believe it to be. Reality is what it is, and will find a way to reassert itself with a vengeance the longer it is denied. There is only one truth no matter what you may personally believe.
One thing that I am absolutely certain of, there are no “alternative facts” only facts. There is only one truth, it is only true, or not true. The sooner we all realise this the better off we will all be.
The sooner you realise this fundamental truth about reality, the sooner you will learn to become a thinking human being.
As for the rest of this stuff, I will keep contemplating it so you don’t have to.
Some of my other important contemplations that I am still working on include, why is it that a USB connector is designed to only go in one way, but you have to flip it around three times before it finally goes in? and why is it that they keep looking for Big Foot, but never seem to find one, either living or dead?
As Always,
I Am…..
Thomas Dyson
This article is an original work of satire and is based on actual news events. Become a follower today to be one of the first to be notified when new articles are posted. Share this article with all your friends on social media or just shout it from the rooftops.
Revenge of The Clowns, And The New GOP Presidential Circus!
The Barnum & Baily Circus may be ending its 124 year run in May 2017, but the circus isn’t over yet, not by a long run my friends. Due to unpopular demand, the circus has reformed and set up their big top in Washington, D.C. for an open-ended limited engagement in our nation’s capitol.
All New GOP Presidential Circus
OH!, and great news the elephants, and the amazing freak show are back as well. Tickets are on sale right now!
Let’s meet the brand new cast of characters. You will truly be horrified, thrilled, and amazed.
First, the Russian-GOP Circus has a brand new head clown. I am truly excited about this one.
First up, meet, Braggadocious Blowhard Trump, the new Russian-GOP Presidential Clown.
Braggadocious Blowhard Trump the Russian Clown
Braggadocious Blowhard Trump, the Russian Clown – Is a former reality TV star and pretends to be a billionaire. He gives a somewhat erratic performance and has multiple routines which include; racist, xenophobic, bigoted, misogynistic, authoritarian, homophobic, rants and raves to the delight of the crowds. What’s really hilarious, he also pretends to be in charge, and as an extra bonus, he has a very active, alternative facts, Twitter account.
Believe me, when I say that you will not be disappointed with his wacky rants coupled with his sixth-grade vocabulary, this is family fun at it’s best. He is absolutely destined to be a crowd favourite. Personally, I believe his denial of the Russian collusion routine is especially entertaining.
Next meet, The Ring Master, Comrade Manafort
Ring Master Comrade Manafort
The Ring Master, Comrade Paul Manafort – Comrade Manafort has deep Russian ties and is responsible for getting the long-term booking of the GOP Circus to Washington, D.C. Comrade Manafort and his Russian pals helped Braggadocious Blowhard Trump, the new Russian-GOP Clown, and arranged for his long-term engagement in Washington, D.C. as well as the return of the elephants, and the freak show. On top ot that, Comrade Manafort also arranged for a brand new big top tent, the biggest, most beautiful big top tent ever built.
The Ringmaster, Comrade Paul Manafort, also has an amazing act where he launders piles of dirty money and makes it disappear it right before your eyes. It really is mind-boggling. Once again, it’s really good fun for the entire family.
Next Up, meet Comrade Stone, the Magnificant.
Comrade Stone the Magnificent
I can’t say enough about Comrade Stone The Magnificent’s act. He is another one from the Russian contingent of the Presidential GOP Circus. Comrade Stone the Magnificent is a mentalist. This guy tries to make you believe anything. He will attempt to make you believe that the sky is red, trees are blue, up is down, and down is up. He is truly amazing. Just beware that your sense of reality will be severely challenged after watching his act. I will say that his act is probably inappropriate for the un-educated as well as small children.
And now for my favourite part of the GOP Presidential Circus, THE GOP PRESIDENTIAL CIRCUS FREAK SHOW. I love the freak show, it has been missing from the GOP Presidential Circus for years, but now it’s back. I am getting my tickets as soon as I can. I am not going to miss this. This is a once in a lifetime event.
Let’s meet the freak show, The Circus Barker, is Sean “The Lapdog” Spicer. This guy is one of my favourites.
Profound Revelations is proud to bring you exclusive video of one of his recent performances.
This is the ultimate in family entertainment.The GOP Presidential Circus couldn’t have picked a better Circus Barker than Sean, “The Lapdog” Spicer. This guy calls it like it is, not matter how outrageous his statements may be.
And now for my absolute favourite member of the GOP Presidential Circus Freak Show. Meet Kellyann “The Contortionist” Conway.
Kellyann “The Contortionist” Conway
Kellyann “The Contortionist” Conway – is just like Wonder Woman, she can deflect anything and everything directed at her, watch her carefully as she twists and ties herself up in knots to avoid answering any question throws at her. Her performance is truly mind boggling.
Here’s another exclusive video from Profound Revelations that will give you a feel for just how awesome her act is.
And I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the return of the GOP Presidential Circus Elephants. There are a lot of Elephants in this new version of the GOP Presidential Circus.
GOP Elephants
There are many more characters, such as, Michael “Flim Flam” Flynn, Devin “The Collusionist” Nunes, and many others, but I don’t want to give away the entire secret of the GOP Presidential Circus.
Buy your tickets now as the GOP Presidential Circus full run is in doubt, as uncertain economic factors may force an early impeachment or mass resignations.
Unfortunately, the GOP Presidential Circus may have to close early, so buy your tickets right now, and don’t miss out on this amazing family fun, suitable for all ages, See the GOP Presidential Circus now before it closes, and is gone forever.
The Cast of the GOP Presidential Circus
As Always,
I Am…..
Tom Dye, The Safety Guy
This article is a work of satire, and news commentary, by Tom Dye, The Safety Guy and is based upon personal opinion and published news stories. The names have not been changed and the innocent will be determined in a court of law.
Sign up as a subscriber today, If you want to be one of the first to receive notifications when new articles are posted. We will never, sell, or give away your email address for any reason whatsoever.
The Karma Files: Miami Lawyer’s Pants Burst Into Flames During Absurd Defense At Arson Trial!
This news story literally begged me, no DEMANDED that I take immediate action. It shouted my name from the rooftops and literally slapped me in the face to get my attention. Well, you have my full undivided attention now!
Not only is this story totally absurd, but as extra bonus points, it happened right here in my home State of Florida. You seriously can’t make this stuff up. Sit back with an ice-cold beer, or other adult beverage of your choice, and grab some snacks and enjoy.
Karma really is a bitch. But, she’s a bitch with an amazing sense of humour, and a solid sense of justice. That’s why I love her so much.
On Wednesday, March 8, 2017, A Lawyer, Stephen Gutierrez, a Miami defence attorney was representing a client in a Miami, Florida on a charge of arson.
Stephen Gutierrez
Attorney Gutierrez was representing his client, Mr. Claudy Charles, who was accused of intentionally setting his car on fire. Attorney Gutierrez just started his closing argument that Claudy Charles’ car was actually a case of “spontaneous combustion” Seriously, that was his defence for his client.
For those of you who are not familiar with the term, “Spontaneous Combustion” is defined as: theignitionofasubstanceorbodyfromtherapidoxidationofitsown constituentswithoutheatfromanyexternalsource.
To distill it down to its most basic essence, Attorney Gutierrez was actually arguing that his client’s vehicle was not intentionally set on fire, as the prosecution had claimed, but that Claudy Charles vehicle had actually just spontaneous combusted, on its own accord, for no apparent reason, or mechanical failure.
It was literally at this very moment when Attorney Gutierrez was delivering his absurd defence in his closing arguments to the jury when his right front pocket of his pants started smoking, and suddenly burst into flames. Talk about a pants-on-fire, lying attorney.
I certainly hope that Claudy Charles did not pay very much or anything, for this absurd defence, as he certainly didn’t get very much for his money.
I mean seriously, Attorney Gutierrez did not even attempt to argue that the Prosecution did not prove reasonable doubt, or present any technical evidence of a mechanical malfunction, OH NO! went straight to spontaneous combustion. Is this the guy you want representing you in a serious criminal case?
According to Attorney Gutierrez, the fire was caused because he had not one, but three, spare batteries for his e-cigarette in his front pocket. Wow! he must be a really, really, heavy smoker.
This is total bullshit!
Let me tell what really happened here. This was a typical case of Karma directly intervening just because Stephen Gutierrez deserved it. After all, what goe’s around, comes around. Or has the early Christians believed, “You shall Reap what You shall sow”
Here’s how I see what really happened.
I can imagine how Karma and several of the other Gods were watching the entire proceedings, as well as Stephen Gutierrez’s absurd defence of his client. As the Gods were watching in stunned disbelief, Karma formulated a plan. Knowing that this would only end badly, Karma decided to take direct action.
As Attorney Gutierrez was delivering his closing absurd defence, Karma decided that if Stephen Gutierrez wanted to play with fire, she would make sure that he would get burned.
And thus in the blink of an eye, while delivering an absurd defence and closing argument to the jury citing spontaneous combustion as a legal defence for arson, Attorney Gutierrez’s pants spontaneously combusted.
Unfortunately, Claudy Charles was convicted anyway by the jury of second-degree arson. I’m not an Attorney, nut this seems like a good case for appeal.
Somehow, I believe that Karma isn’t finished with Attorney Gutierrez just yet.
After all, What Goe’s Around, Comes Around! Karma is always watching and waiting. Karma can be a bitch, but I love her.
As Always,
I Am…..
Tom Dye, The Safety Guy
This article is original satire, and news commentary, by: Tom Dye, The Safety Guy.. This article is loosely based on actual events. The names have not been changed, to protect the dumbass involved. This article contains loose references, (OK, very loose facts) that may, or may not, coincide with actual events.
Some Of The Things I Think About All The Time…..
By Tom Dye
On April 15, 2017
In Humanity, News Commentary, Opinion, Satire, Tales of the Absurd
Some Of The Things I Think About All The Time…..
I want to make one thing perfectly clear right off the bat, I am an enigma, and believe it or not, a vast amount of people consider me to be a world-renowned scholar of esoteric knowledge, I contemplate things that many would not or could not dare to think about.
Being a scholar of esoteric knowledge I have lived my entire life based on the profound wisdom of John Houseman, who once said, ” A wise man believes only in lies, trusts only the absurd and learns to expect the unexpected”
So, because of all this, I find myself thinking about a lot of things that most people probably haven’t even considered thinking about before. I am going to share a few of these thoughts with you to see what you think. Feel free to comment on any one of (or all) these profound revelations.
Please remember all these opinions are mine, and mine alone, and are not meant to disrespect anyone’s personal beliefs or philosophy in life. If you are offended, by my opinions and my beliefs then you should stop reading this article right now.
Life & Death
The Afterlife
I hear religious people all the time talking about the glorious afterlife they’re going to have after death. Really? How do you know that? What if you’re wrong? Just saying. I know one thing for certain, believe me, I have thought about this a lot. “Life is a sure thing, and death is definitely to uncertain for my liking”. I equate this to someone who is relying on winning the lottery as their retirement plan., the odds are totally against you. You may want to have a plan B, just in case Plan A, doesn’t work out
I don’t know about you, but not one person that I have ever known, or even ever heard of that had died, has ever come back, appeared to me, came to me in a dream, or anything else for that matter, and extolled the virtues of being dead, and how awesome the afterlife is, and encouraged me to try it for myself.
Think about that for a moment. Although, I have had living people tell me that I should just die, or that I should just kill myself. Obviously, I didn’t listen to them and don’t plan to, not now and not ever.
I know exactly what some of you are thinking right about now. “You have to have faith and you have to believe with all your heart”. OK, I get that. I have heard this literally uncountable times before.
Here is something to consider, I had a good really good friend Brad, (who by the way has also passed away, and has also never tried to contact me from beyond the grave either). Anyway, Brad believed with his entire being that aliens would never allow a nuclear war to occur between nations on Earth and they would immediately intervene if one was imminent. He had absolute unshakable faith in this and believed it with all his heart.
I know this first hand, as Brad and me, discussed this topic on numerous occasions. Brad never wavered in his belief, or for that matter ever produced any kind of proof, or any kind of evidence that this was actually the case, not an alien manifesto, or any proof at all. I personally thought that this was not something that I would want to rely on in the brink of a nuclear war.
I had serious concerns, what if the unspecified aliens were on vacation, stuck in trans-galactic traffic, or were asleep when a nuclear war on earth started. I mentioned my concerns to Brad, and he was still supremely confident and absolutely believed that the aliens would intervene and that I was foolish to be concerned at all.
So who’s right? and who’s wrong? That’s the part I am still contemplating.
Did you know that 80% of Evangelical Christians voted for Donald Trump? I would be really interested in knowing how anyone could possibly unite, or find common ground between these two opposing forces. I do know that I can’t seem to wrap my head around this one, no matter how much I think about it.
According to evangelical Christianity, If an atheist lived a good life, helped the poor and disadvantaged, did not lie, cheat, steal, or kill, essentially lived a good upstanding life by any measure but somehow failed to accept Jesus Christ before his/her death, they would be condemned to hell.
However, if Charles Manson, Adolf Hitler, or Ted Bundy, did accept Jesus Christ and ask for forgiveness before their deaths, they would all go to heaven. I am sorry but this just sounds absurd.
Scientologists
Scientology was invented by L. Ron Hubbard, a somewhat well-known “Science Fiction author”.
According to dummies.com “Scientologists believe that people are immortal alien beings (called thetans) who have forgotten their true nature and are trapped on earth in a human body. Scientologists believe that each thetan has lived numerous past lives, both on earth in our physical bodies, and on other planets. Scientologists also believe that by undergoing a series of classes and teachings (called auditing by the church), people can free themselves of their human form and reclaim their true selves.
Seriously? I think I’ve read the book and it ends badly for your bank account.
Here’s what I believe, as the great philosopher Forrest Gump once said, “Stupid is what stupid does” and “That’s all I have to say about that”.
Science
Gravity
People generally agree that the discovery of “Gravity” is one of the most fundamentally important discoveries of all time. First, Issac Newton, but he was wrong, and then Albert Einstein finally described the fundamental concept of “Gravity” as we know it today.
I want to put forth the idea that this was actually not as big a deal as people make it out to be. You see, gravity is always there, even on holidays, overnight, and the weekends. Someone would have discovered gravity sooner or later anyway. Seriously this seems pretty obvious to me.
Climate Change
99.9% of scientists and scientific bodies around the world tell us that climate change is real and is being caused by mankind because of our industrial activities. I accept their findings. After all, I am not a climate scientist.
The part of climate change that I to contemplate is the thinking of those who deny it’s real. Virtually all climate change deniers start their denial with, “I am not a scientist, but…..”
That’s right you are not a scientist Bozo, so who are you to refute them with your own bullshit. Donald Trump says that climate change is a hoax perpetrated by the Chinese. What????
Sarah Palin is another climate change denier, so that should tell you everything you need to know.
Personally, I’m with the scientists on this one.
Discovering America
When I went to school they taught us that Christopher Columbus discovered America. No, he did not! The Americas were always there. Columbus was actually sailing for the West Indies, but being the really piss poor sailor that he was, he made a wrong turn and ran right smack into America. So, Christopher “Wrong Way”Columbus made a wrong turn, and somehow “discovered” something that was there all along. I mean seriously, it’s not like you could miss it or anything. Columbus was way, way, overrated. Not to mention the fact that he was an asshole, and a slaver.
Hell, the way I see it, “Gilligans Island” had a more believable plotline than Christopher Columbus discovering America.
Aliens (Extraterrestrial Life)
I have been thinking about this for a very long time now. When I talk about aliens I am referring to the kind from another planet, not to be confused with undocumented people from one country living in another country without permission.
We seem to have two kinds of supposed alien visitations. The first type is where alien beings visit some poor uneducated fool named Billy Bob in the middle of nowhere, abduct him against his will give him some sort of inexplicable anal probe, release him and go on their merry way.
This makes no sense on several levels. How many anal probes would alien beings require from human beings? and what would be the ultimate purpose?
I would think that if alien beings wanted to reveal themselves to Earth they most likely would not appear to Billy Bob in the middle of nowhere, they would be a lot more effective landing at Central Park in NYC, at noon on a Saturday, where thousands of people would see them. Not to mention the fact that this would be a lot better place to gather their anal probe data as they could collect hundreds at once. I would be willing to bet that they could find several people who would even volunteer for anal probing.
The other type of alien sighting consists of either coloured lights in the night sky or supposed video of some sort of alien craft just buzzing the Earth. I often wonder if aliens just buzz the planet just to fuck with us for fun?
According to the theory of Occam’s razor, with two facts being equal, the simplest explanation is usually the correct one.
Unidentified lights in the sky, or (usually fuzzy images) of unusually shaped craft flying over someplace seems like a stretch from other more simple explanations.
I do believe that considering that there are literally billions of planets and galaxies out there that there is certainly a great probability that there are other forms of life somewhere in the universe. Don’t get me wrong, I certainly do not have any proof to support this belief, this is just a very strong statistical probability.
Here’s something to contemplate. I am going to science the shit out of this one, so hang on. The closest star (another sun) from Earth is 4.24 light years away. It is a binary star system and Faint Proxima Centauri is the closest one.
A light-year is a distance that light travels in one year. According to Einstein’s Theory of Relativity – E = mc2 this equates to 186,000 miles per second. To put this into perspective that means that if you could travel the speed of light, it would mean that you could travel from Earth to the Moon in 1.3 seconds. Also, according to the Einstein’s relativity, one cannot travel at, or faster than the speed of light.
So, by the laws of physics, as we understand it, travelling at .99% the speed of light, it would take an alien race sometime more than 4.24 years each way just to reach Earth. Of course, because of time dilation, they would only experience a trip of only about 14 days, while 4.24 years would have passed on Faint Proxima Centauri.
So, ignoring pesky things like having to slow down, orbital mechanics, and everything else, If aliens left Faint Proxima Centauri at,99% the speed of light somehow slingshot around the Earth and go right back home. These alien astronauts would have aged only about 24 days while everyone else on their planet would have aged 8.48 years. BAM! Mic drop!
What that means is either extraterrestrial aliens have either discovered other laws of physics and technologies that we don’t have any understanding or comprehension of, which is not beyond the realm of possibility, or it could be that we are just separated by too vast distances to ever meet or have any meaningful communication.
Let’s just imagine for a moment that an alien culture only 4.24 light years away sent us a modulated communication by a powerful laser. Assuming that we could even understand the message, and answer it right away, the message would take 4,24 years to get here and another 4.24 more years before they got our response. Just saying hello to each other would take 8.48 years. A generation would have lived and died before any sort of meaningful communication would have occurred.
I am going to be thinking about this one for quite a long time.
Our own solar system is vast. For all the science geeks out there like me here is a fascinating video that illustrates, in real-time, the journey of a photon of light emitted from the surface of the sun and travelling across a portion of our solar system, from a human perspective.
Fake News and Alternative Facts
This is one area where I attempt to contemplate some sort of meaning but somehow I always fail miserably. Although that doesn’t stop me from trying.
Did you know that pollsters recently did a survey where they talked to lots of people and presented them with a conspiracy theory without any basis in fact or offering any proof and a full 33% of the people believed them without question?
What the fuck is wrong with these people? Whatever happened to critical thinking? What I find interesting is how the 33% of the people who obviously believes anything, without proof or basis, in fact, or reality, is about the same percentage of people who voted for Donald Trump.
Is this a coincidence? Who knows. Although I believe that there is a strong probability that this is actually the case that 33% of the people are actually morons who will believe anything, without proof, or facts, no matter how absurd it might be.
I actually had a friend tell me recently that Breitbart news was going to be the “new” New York Times. Are you fucking kidding me? The New York Times is a Pulitzer prize winning news source. Breitbart news, not so much.
Donald trump recently tweeted that NY Times, NBC, ABC, MSNBC and CNN News are enemies of the American People. This is incredibly dangerous and is certainly just Trump’s propaganda. Just because mainstream news organisations report his own words or report actual news that is critical of him or his policies does not make them enemies of the American people it just makes them news organisations doing their jobs as journalists.
Conversely, if the mainstream news organisations mentioned above are enemies of the American people, then that would infer that biased or outright fake news sites e.g.- FOX News, Breitbart, Infowars, or the Drudge Report are not. Sadly, people actually buy into these alternative facts.
The main issue that I try to contemplate is why? Another important question is why do people vote against their own interests?
I listen to NPR three hours per day, read the Huffington Post, CNN, MSNBC, ABC News, CBS News, NBC News, Bloomberg, NY Times, Washington Post,and Politico every day to try to get a good understanding of events and to try see if there is a consensus regarding the day’s news events. Notice that the common thread between all of these news sites is that they are all award-winning mainstream news sources.
I am still stunned when I wear my NPR tee-shirt that Trump supporters will point to it and say that NPR is a liberal news organisation. Seriously??? NPR is about as fair and balanced as you can get and they always present both sides in every news story they produce, and furthermore, NPR doe’s not provide any sort of commentary one way or the other, they present the facts from both sides and leave it up to you to decide for yourself where you stand on the issues at hand. Isn’t this what real journalism is all about?
Since when did NPR suddenly become the enemy, or somehow become a liberal news source? They haven’t, and I can’t imagine that they ever will be.
Thomas Jefferson once said, “Democracy is founded upon a well-educated population” He was right then, and he is, even more, right today. The internet and fake news sources have enabled people to validate their own beliefs regardless if they are true or not.
I get it, It is really hard for some people to change their belief systems when confronted with indisputable facts to the contrary. However, as human beings, this is how life is. The real truth of reality is not what you want it, or believe it to be. Reality is what it is, and will find a way to reassert itself with a vengeance the longer it is denied. There is only one truth no matter what you may personally believe.
One thing that I am absolutely certain of, there are no “alternative facts” only facts. There is only one truth, it is only true, or not true. The sooner we all realise this the better off we will all be.
The sooner you realise this fundamental truth about reality, the sooner you will learn to become a thinking human being.
As for the rest of this stuff, I will keep contemplating it so you don’t have to.
Some of my other important contemplations that I am still working on include, why is it that a USB connector is designed to only go in one way, but you have to flip it around three times before it finally goes in? and why is it that they keep looking for Big Foot, but never seem to find one, either living or dead?
As Always,
I Am…..
Thomas Dyson
This article is an original work of satire and is based on actual news events. Become a follower today to be one of the first to be notified when new articles are posted. Share this article with all your friends on social media or just shout it from the rooftops.
Share this: Story
Like this: