Tales oF the Absurd, Original Satire, Politics & News Commentary

Month: March 2017 (Page 1 of 2)

Governing 101, How Our Democracy Works. An Open Letter To Donald Trump

Governing 101, How Our Democracy Works. An Open Letter To Donald Trump!

Mr. Trump, So Called Ruler Of The United States (SCROTUS) evidently you need a basic lesson on how our U.S. Democracy actually works. I am prepared to sacrifice my ideals and give you some very sound advice.

Let’s start from the very beginning on how a bill makes it from an idea to an actual bill, that may, or may not, actually become law. Our founding fathers were very clear on this and if you had actually read the United States Constitution you would know.

The United States is not a business, or dictatorship, and believe it or not, the founding fathers limited the power of the Presidency on purpose. This is spelled out in detail in the U.S.Constitution. The founding fathers created three co-equal branches of Government; The Executive branch, The Legislative Branch, and The Judicial Branch. As President, there are a lot of factors, that believe it or not, are totally out of your control. Here is a great starting point for your basic civics lesson. This is a children’s video from Schoolhouse Rock that was produced way back in 1974.

As you, Mr. Trump just found out with your crushing defeat from your own party with your push for the American Healthcare Act or (AHA), which was your misguided attempt to replace Obamacare, or what is officially known as The Affordable Care Act (ACA) You, Mr. president have just learned a basic constitutional lesson that you, as President are not the one who has the power to make law. The power to make law solely rests with congress.

Let’s take a look at some of the “Red Flags” that you totally ignored.

  • You attempted to force a vote on a particular day before the congress even had enough votes to pass the bill. This is a serious rookie mistake. First, congress gets the votes need to pass a bill then they schedule a vote.
  • You attempted to strong-arm congress. You tried to tell him how to vote and what amendments would be allowed. Serious mistake.
  • Every time, you conceded to the far right of the party, you lost moderates. It was apparent to everyone, that without Democrats, this bill was doomed from the start.
  • After the disastrous CBO score, the AHA only had a 17% approval rating among the public. A Serious Red Flag!
  • You lied when you said that you were going to provide healthcare for all at a better price. We have videotape to prove it too.
  • By my count, you have now blamed literally everyone except for yourself. You blamed the Democrats, even though you did not consult with them at all. You blamed the Freedom caucus, The Heritage Foundation, Club for Growth. and even backhandedly Paul Ryan, when it was you, Mr. President, pushing this extremely flawed Bill in the first place.

Here’s a great bit of advice. Some Americans may not like Obamacare, but they certainly don’t like a replacement that makes things far, far, worse and far more costly for them. Just maybe you should listen to what everyone is saying and craft a series of fixes for Obamacare that would fix the issues, and provide relief for all Americans. Just saying….

Somehow, you have failed to realise that when you were elected President, you became President of, ALL THE PEOPLE, and in your case, not just the minority who actually elected you. Just let that sink in for a moment……….

This should help you understand the job that you were elected to. Here’s a simple video describing how the three co-equal branches of Govt. are actually supposed to work, according to our founding fathers.

Since it is well known that you do not have the greatest attention span and don’t care much for the details, this video distills down the essential responsibilities of each branch of Government in 10 minutes and 38 seconds.  So pay close attention.

And most importantly of all, stop this nonsense of saying Obama wiretapped Trump Tower. This has widely been disputed by literally everyone. Essentially, STOP LYING! This is offensive and beneath the dignity of the Office of the President.

Sure, you spent 8 years attempting to discredit Obama with your birther nonsense, and Obama certainly did make fun of you in 2011 because of it. Get over it! You’re the President now, so grow up and act like one. STOP BEING VINDICTIVE AND GET TO WORK!

There are only 5 living Presidents, and every single one of them has consulted with the others to help them with decision-making and the stresses of the office. Unfortunately, you have most likely alienated every one of them, so you are on your own now. This is actually kind of sad considering that if you would have kept these lines of communication open you may not have made such rookie mistakes that you have been making. Well, you have made your own bed, so now you have to lie 0n it.

You need to quickly learn from those who came before you. Stop listening to the nonsense you hear from fake news websites, and listen to ALL points of view, and not just those of Steve Bannon and others who agree with you and will tell you anything you want to hear.

Man up, and put your big boy pants on and get to work!

Tell the truth, and work for, all the American people. If you can do this, you just might be able to turn things around and actually survive a single 4-year term. If you can’t, you are doomed to failure, and your only options are resignation or impeachment.

Here’s an idea. Stop trying to enrich yourself and your family, and try to enrich all the American People.

It may already be too late with your alleged collusion with the Russians hanging over your head. But we will just have to wait and see how the whole thing plays out.

Personally, I don’t believe that you can actually do it. But, there is always a chance.

Prove me wrong!


As Always,

I Am…..

Tom Dye, The Safety Guy

This is a work of satire from Tom Dye, The Safety Guy and is a news commentary based on actual events. Please consider becoming a follower today and be one of the first when new articles are posted. Share this article far and wide on social media and even shout from the rooftops. I sincerely appreciate your support.


Invasion Of The Body Snatchers, Trump Edition, Or Else Insanity Is The New Normal

Invasion Of The Body Snatchers, Trump Edition, Or Else Insanity Is The New Normal.

A banker named David Hannum, in regard to one of Barnum’s hoaxes once said: “There is a sucker born every minute”.  And you know what, he was absolutely right. As it turns out all the misguided people who voted for Donald Trump are just finding that out.

I can understand how the uneducated, and uninformed, as well as those who worked in occupations like mining, steel, and others, felt that electing an outsider who promised to go to Washington and “drain the swamp”  would have a certain appeal. However, what they found out is draining the swamp leaves only a huge pile of shit.

The first red flag moment should have been when Trump filled his cabinet positions with millionaires and billionaires who have done nothing but spent their entire lives screwing the poor and middle class. The rest of his cabinet he filled with; Generals, incompetents and fools. Putting Ben Carson, the retired lunatic neurosurgeon in charge of the Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) is just one example.  Danger, Will Robinson, Danger, Danger!

Did this raise any alarm with Trump supporters? Nope! As a matter of fact I actually had a Trump supporter suggest to me that since these are the people who know how to game the system, these are the perfect choices to fix it. Really??? By that fuzzy logic, we should appoint a convicted bank robber, or even a Bernie Madoff type to be Secretary of the Treasury.

Of course, in between and during all this, Trump declared war on his own intelligence agencies and the mainstream media. I can see Trumps issues with his intelligence agencies as he has said on numerous occasions that he is smarter than the Generals and he has a very smart brain, and he alone knows how to defeat ISIS.

As for the war on the mainstream media, Trump attacks virtually every single news organisation that says anything that’s even remotely critical, or calls him out on his blatant falsehoods and lies that he spews out of his mouth every single day. Is this a rational human being? or is this someone who has become a victim of the body snatchers and is following their own alien agenda?

Did the Trump supporters care? Of course not! I mean Fuck the media and intelligence right?

Let’s not forget the tangled web of Russian connections. Mike Flynn the National Intelligence Advisor was even forced to step down because of them. Trump’s son-in-law and Flynn actually met with the Russian Ambassador at Trump tower, and yet Trump knows nothing about it. Most of Trumps high-level advisors during the campaign during the time that out intelligence agencies said that the Russians were actively interfering with our election met with high-level Russian officials both here and abroad.

Of course, Trump claims that he knows virtually nothing about it, and he did not authorize any communications with the Russians. Did this cause any Trump supporters any concern? Of course not.After all, it’s all fake news right?

Trump signed an executive action banning Muslims that caused chaos in airports worldwide. This was ultimately blocked by the courts as unconstitutional.  So what did Trump do, he just signed another one. Trump claims that this is not a discriminatory religious ban on Muslims. However, the courts used his own words and the statements of his advisors and cabinet officials that it actually was.

Trump is being schooled on the U.S. Constitution and basic civics by the courts. were Trump’s supporters concerned about this blatant attack on out constitution? Of course not! As a matter of fact, they enthusiastically supported it. Thank God for the ACLU and many others who fought for our civil rights as well as those of others.

In the middle of this like a long-buried WWII bomb suddenly expolding, Early on a Saturday morning, Trump tweeted that former President Obama had ordered Trump tower to be wire-tapped. He was not clear if Obama dressed in all black, crept around Trump tower and did it personally, or ordered it done by one of our intelligence agencies. Either way, these allegations exploded across the media like the bombshell that it was.

Trump offered no proof or evidence for these outrageous claims. If true this would be a far, far, bigger scandal that watergate. Accusing a former president of a serious felony with no proof or evidence is outrageous. Virtually every official involved in intellegence from the FBI Director, to Obama’s National Intellegence Director, to congress says emphatically that there is no evidence to support these claims. Did Trump back down or apologise? Nope.

Once this nonsense started blowing up in his face, he changed his tune and said that Obama actually asked the British Intelligence Agency GCHQ to wiretap Trump tower for him. What??? What the fuck is he talking about?

Maybe it went down something like this:

Ring, Ring, Ring…
GCHQ, Simon speaking,
Obama: Simon, it’s Barack I need a favor.
GCHQ; Anything for you old chap, what do you need?
Obama: I need you to wiretap that sleze Donald Trump and Trump Tower in Ney York City.
GCHQ: No problem. I assume this is on the QT?
Obama: You got it.Send me reports on my personal cell.
GCHQ: No problem old chap we will get back to you soon.
Obama: Thanks, Simon I owe you one.


When trump was asked about this, he responded,

“We said nothing,” he told the reporter. “All we did was quote a certain very talented legal mind who was the one responsible for saying that on television. I didn’t make an opinion on it. That was a statement made by a very talented lawyer on Fox. So you shouldn’t be talking to me, you should be talking to Fox.”


Evidently, the CIA, NSA, DIA, FBI, State Department, etc. are not as reliable as far as he’s concerned.

Were Trump supporters concerned? Of course not.


I would be extremely remiss if I didn’t mention Trump’s Counceller, Kellyann Conway and Trump’s Press Secretary Sean Spicer. First up, Kellyann Conway. She is the lunatic who coined the term; “alternative facts”  evidently it’s not lying if you call them alternative facts. Kellyann Conway used so many alternative facts that virtually every single mainstream news media refused to have her on their programs. I am fairly certain that she is one of the pod people, as her view on reality is certainly other-worldly. The funny thing is when I was a child, my parents would wash my mouth out with soap for lying. Too bad, I

The funny thing is when I was a child, my parents would wash my mouth out with soap for lying. Too bad, I didn’t know about alternative facts then. I may have gotten away with it.

Sean Spicer, the Whitehouse press Secretary is another winner. He comes out in front of a big crowd of journalists almost every day and spews lies and falsehoods. Spicer actually has the ability to say this with a perfectly straight face. No human being has the ability to do this day in and day out and never crack.

Spicer without his human looking artificial skin

There is only one plausible explanation for this. Sean Spicer is a humanoid robot. As a matter of fact have you ever noticed that Sean Spicer is never seen without the podium in front of him?  Think about that for a moment. I believe that the podium holds the power supplies, micro-processors and wires and cables that control this animatronic.

If you listen to his rants carefully it doesn’t take long to realise that he is nothing more than a computer program. Anytime he is presented with facts or reality, he pauses for a moment as his computer brain has just been presented with a; “bad command or file name that doe’s not compute” a moment later he defaults to one of his pre-programmed responses in an attempt to spin an entirely different reality.

Doe’s this concern Trump supporters? Nope. They buy into it hook, line, and sinker.

Can you believe it, all this happened during Trump’s first 60 days in office.

And then in rapid succession, Trump introduced the Ryan/Trump healthcare plan to replace Obamacare and his budget proposal for the next fiscal year. All of a sudden reality, remember reality? came crashing back in with a vengeance.

Sure Trump supporters thought is was all fun and games until somebody got hurt. They suddenly realised that the people getting hurt were Trump supporters themselves. Suddenly, trump had turned on those who supported them. All the red meat that Trump had been feeding his supporters turned out to be rotten and poisoned.

Trump Supporters

Trump played all his supporters who do not suffer from the ravages of intelligence and basically threw all of them under the bus. All of a sudden Trump supporters do care, but now it’s too late. They have all come to the sudden realisation that you have to be careful what you wish for because you just might get it. Well, they got it. We tried to warn the poor incompetent fools, but they didn’t listen.

The Ryan/Trump healthcare plan will throw 17-24 million people out of affordable healthcare, and drastically raise the cost of healthcare insurance premiums. The plan also eliminates the Medicaid expansion which will mostly affect the States and the very people who voted for him.  Are Trump supporters concerned about this? All of a sudden, they do now.

Trump’s new budget proposal would dramatically slash funding for critical social programs that Trump supporters rely on.

Eliminating the funding for Meals-on-Wheels which is 1/3 of their budget. Meals-on-Wheels feeds one healthy meal per day to low-income seniors, veterans and the disabled. According to Trumps plan, fuck the seniors and disabled, they have been a big enough drain on the rest of us already.

His budget would dramatically cut back on school lunches for the poor,  assistance to pay heating bills for the poor, eliminate funding for PBS and NPR, cut funds for jb training and so much more.

Per New York Magazine, “The president’s budget cuts funding for early-childhood education, public housing, transit, food assistance, and job training — all programs that disproportionately benefit single mothers in cities with low median incomes. And it also abolishes the Appalachian Regional Commission and Rural Business-Cooperative Service, while shrinking the Labor Department — all moves that disadvantage coal miners”. Wow! Trump supporters are definately fucked now.

Here’s a sincere message to all you Trump supporters, even though you drank the kool-aid and were all duped by a con-man, all of us 2.88 million more who did not vote for this minority elected President are working hard to undo the damage you have done. The Resistance, as we are called welcome you to the good fight, and together we can reverse this abomination that you have caused.

Together, we can and will remove the invasion of the body snatchers and restore truth and justice back to our democracy. We will not allow lying to become the new normal, nor will we allow the elderly, poor and disabled to suffer the brunt of Trump’s dark dystopian vision of America.

Regretful Trump Supporter

Gil Scott-Heron once sang about how; “The Revolution Will Not Be Televised” Well this time around it is. We of the Resistance are not only fighting for ourselves, but for all those who were duped by Trump the con-man, and everyone else. Denounce Trump and join us.  Together we can make a better world for both me and you.

I am going to leave you with this final thought…



As Always,

I Am…..

Tom Dye, The Safety Guy


This article is a work of satire by Tom Dye, The Safety Guy, ans is based on actual news events. Become a subscriber today, it’s totally free. You will be the first to be informed when new articles are posted. is grateful for your continued support.

Twitter Is Dangerous 140 Characters At A Time!

Twitter Is Dangerous 140 Characters At A Time!

Don’t get me wrong, I have a Twitter account. You can feel free to follow me any anytime. My Twitter handle is: @NeutronTom.

Twitter is great for sharing a YouTube video, or a link to a news story, or even a short question, statement, or announcement.

However, in the wrong hands, Twitter is dangerous. Twitter sucks when it comes to conveying emotion, background, or complex ideas. After all, how much detail can you convey when you are constrained to 140 characters?

Think about it for a moment how much complex thought, facts, and an intelligent argument can you get across to others when you have to carefully parse your words to 140 characters or less?

I don’t know about you, but it takes me more than 140 characters just to get the basic concept of exactly what you are trying to tell me.

(By the way, the above sentence took 139 characters just for me to convey a simple point on my thought processes.)

As an example of where reality slams headlong to the absurd let’s take a look at recent from tweets from Donald Trump. This is one person who consistently proves beyond a reasonable doubt that Twitter is dangerous.

(1) Donald J. Trump

Terrible! Just found out that Obama had my “wires tapped” in Trump Tower just before the victory. Nothing found. This is McCarthyism!

04 Mar 2017, 6:35 AM – 4 Mar 2017

(2) Donald J. Trump

Is it legal for a sitting President to be “wire tapping” a race for president prior to an election? Turned down by court earlier. A NEW LOW!

4 Mar 2017, 6:45 AM

(3) Donald J. Trump

How low has President Obama gone to tapp my phones during the very sacred election process. This is Nixon/Watergate. Bad (or sick) guy!

04 Mar 2017, 7:02 AM

Wow! these three tweets comprising a total of 420 characters (including spaces) are allegations of a huge political and legal bombshell. If true, this would be a bigger scandal than Watergate during the downfall of the Nixon Presidency. No, actually that’s wrong. Because of laws passed since The Nixon Watergate scandal, if true, this would be the biggest political scandal in modern times.

Let that sink in for a moment. A sitting President accuses the former President of serious crimes without proof or evidence, all in series of three tweets for a grand total of 420 characters.

Now let’s remove the Twitter character limit and imagine a statement which included the full details and background and see if it makes any more sense.

(Donald Trump’s full statement) – I can tell you I am really disturbed. The other night I was listening to The Alex Jones show you know that right-wing Conspiracy show and Alex was talking about how former President Obama personally tapped my phones at Trump Tower. This story was picked up the very next day by the website Breitbart News, you know the Alt Right fake news website.

This is outrageous and total McCarthyism. I have said this like a million times, just because virtually every one of my high-level campaign aides and even at least two of my cabinet officials met with Russian Intelligence Officers and the Russian Ambassador. Hell, my Son -in-law Justin Kushner and my now former National Intelligence Director, Michael Flynn even met with The Russian Ambassador at trump Tower. But like I said it was really nothing, and I know absolutely nothing about it. Believe me when I tell you this is nothing more than fake news.

Is it even legal for a sitting President to wire tap another Presidential candidate? I mean this is total nonsense that the Russians interfered with the election just to help me win is total nonsense. By the way Thank You, Vlad. I mean seriously, our intelligence agencies don’t really know. I mean I know a lot more than them when it comes to intelligence, after all, I have a very good brain.

Believe me, it’s true when I said that this was actually a 400-pound guy living in his mother’s basement in New Jersey and we will be presenting evidence to the congress in the near future.

Obama is a bad or sick guy and I am making it my life’s mission to destroy him, both politically, and personally, because he made fun of me at the White House Correspondence Dinner in 2011.

Stay tuned folks as we are going to prove that not only did Obama personally tap my wires at Trump Tower, Obama and the U.S. Intelligence community made up all these so called Russian connections just because they are all Democrats and sore losers.

And furthermore, I am going to present evidence to congress that proves that I actually won the popular vote fair and square as well. Those so called 2.88 million more people that supposedly voted for Hillary Clinton were all illegal votes from undocumented illegal immigrants and people who were bussed in by the thousands by bus from Massachusetts to New Hampshire or Vermont to vote illegally.

Just like my inaugural crowd was by far the biggest in U.S. history. Obama supporters in the U.S. Parks Department doctored the photos just to make me look bad. Believe me, I was there the crowd was yuggeeee!

I will sue everyone involved, just wait and see. Believe me.

God bless me and the United States of America.
(Donald Trump, 4:37 AM, from the Florida Whitehouse at Mar a Lago)

As the late Paul Harvey used to say; “Now You Know The Rest Of The Story”.

Is Twitter dangerous? I believe that for a lot of people it truly is. Only you can decide. Follow me on Twitter (@NeutronTom) to find out for yourself.

As Always,

I Am…..

Tom Dye, The Safety Guy

This essay and news commentary is an original work of satire by; Tom Dye, The Safety Guy.
Become a follower today by subscribing to and you will receive updates alerting you to our new original content as soon as it’s posted. What do you have to lose? It’s free.

Page 1 of 2

Powered by WordPress & Theme by Anders Norén

%d bloggers like this: