PROFOUND REVELATIONS

Tales oF the Absurd, Original Satire, Politics, Religion & News Commentary

Category: Gun Control

The Horror Of Champagne Cork Injuries (It Can Happen To You)

Tales of the Absurd, Best of Series.

Update: New Year’s Eve is less than two months away, and Congress still hasn’t acted to ban these horrific weapons. Shame on you America. How many more people have to die or be seriously injured before we finally have the courage to act.

The Horror Of Champagne Cork Injuries (It Can Happen To You) Updated and revised 11-18-2016

Enough is enough! When are we finally going to do something about the thousands of people killed, and injured, every year, especially New Years Eve, from these deadly champagne cork shootings.

How many innocent people have to die before the public, and our elected officials, finally act to stop these senseless tragedies?

It is long established constitutional law regarding every American’s right to possess champagne. However, I believe that this right does not extend to military grade or cheap foreign imports of champagne that plague American society from our inner cities to rural small towns. In most States, it is perfectly legal to carry a concealed, and loaded, champagne bottle, on your person everywhere you go.

Part of the problem of champagne violence plaguing America is because it is very easy to purchase. There are numerous stores in virtually every city that high powered champagne can be purchased by anyone over the age of 21 without any sort of  background check or waiting period. A simple State issued identification card or drivers license is all that is usually required.

This entire process for the purchase of, and possession, of high-powered champagne, is flawed because it allows mentally unstable persons, as well as convicted felons, to purchase high powered, and fully loaded champagne, without any fear of being caught. None of the fifty States require you to register your loaded champagne or restrict the firing of deadly champagne corks anywhere except in public spaces clearly marked by signage forbidding it. Not even a single State even requires a simple background check. There is something seriously wrong with us as a society.

Champagne comes in all sizes or calibers. The standard “civilian calibers” range from the easily concealable .1875 caliber bottle, commonly referred to as a “Snipe” to .375 and .750 caliber, half, and full sized bottles.

All three of these standard sizes pack a single shot champagne cork, and all can be lethal, from fairly close range for the .1875 caliber “Snipe”, to the medium and long range killing power of the .375 and .750 caliber sizes.

There are larger caliber “Military Grade” champagne’s designed to kill or maim people from very great distances. These include the 1.5 caliber “Magnum” all the way up to the very long range 30.0 caliber “King of Salem”  long distance heavy artillery. Military caliber champagnes have been known to explode spontaneously, if not stored in the proper conditions.

There are misguided groups that argue civilians have the constitutional right to possess Military Grade, high caliber, champagne’s as well. These groups are very misguided as military grade high caliber sizes are not designed for self-defense, hunting, target practice, or any other legitimate purposes. These military calibers were only designed for one purpose, and one purpose only, killing people. These Military Grade Champagne’s were designed to be used specifically in battlefield conditions.

These military caliber champagnes were never designed to be used by civilians and sadly because of, lax to non-existent Federal or State legislation have already been used in some of the most horrific high-profile crimes against innocent people, including women and children.

How many innocent Americans have to die before we finally stop this madness?

All champagne calibers are single shot, one-time-use disposable weapons. However, there is a difference in the corks used for all calibers. There is the standard cork, found mostly in civilian calibers, as well as the plastic champagne cork, used mostly in military calibers. The plastic military grade champagne cork is far more lethal and easily penetrates most body armor.

It has gotten so bad that even in my small city here in Florida, some wing-nuts have actually begun openly carrying fully loaded large military grade champagne bottles right in the streets and even the local Walmart.

Military Grade Champagne

Military Grade Champagne

How are we supposed to know if these are actual law abiding citizens, a champagne terrorist or just someone that is wound way too tight that is just looking to kill the first person that looks at them wrong?

Seriously, how would you feel walking down the street, or even the aisles of your local Walmart with your spouse and small child when suddenly you see individuals carrying Military Grade champagne over their shoulders or slung across their backs? Wouldn’t you fear for your child?

Congress, The President, all the way down to State and local politicians have failed to act because they all have perverted the original meaning of the 32nd amendment of the United States Constitution. The 32nd amendment states:

“A well-regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the People to keep and bear champagne shall not be infringed” 

I believe in the United States Constitution as much as the next guy. But, seriously the 32nd amendment doesn’t make any freaking sense.

No wonder Champagne control opponents or Champagne Rights Groups can’t agree on a single fu@king thing.

I do know one thing, and this is critically important. After last News Years Eve tragedies now is the time to have a thoughtful discussion as a nation and civilized society  regarding sensible regulations for champagne, and champagne corks, to prevent these senseless injuries and deaths caused my mentally unstable individuals, as well as convicted felons.

Call, write, or email your Senator, Congressman or The President and let them know that high caliber military grade champagnes have no use in a civilized society, and demand sensible regulations to prevent future tragedies. Enough is enough.

Who’s with me on this?

As always,

I am…

Tom Dye, The Safety Guy

This article is an original work of satire by Tom Dye, The Safety Guy.

School Board Will Ask Custodial Staff To Stop Deranged Killers

This is a special serious commentary……… My usual absurd satire, will return on Wednesday.

School Board Will Ask Custodial Staff To Stop Deranged Killers

First of all, If you are a public school janitor, find another job, right now, without delay. I am absolutely serious, You are about to be made cannon fodder. Get out while you can. So, an idiotic School Board, in Ohio, voted unanimously (5-0) to arm the custodial, staff in their school district. Oh, don’t worry, they intend on providing some “minimal” training before arming them against potential mass murders, equipped with high caliber, high capacity, military grade, assault weapons, in the hands of a mad man, hell bent on killing everyone.

These school custodians are going to be the first, and last, line of defense, against a deranged mass murderer. Did you notice that the fairly highly paid, School Board members, did not volunteer themselves. They volunteered the school janitors. Hmmm. This is absolutely, the stupidest, f–king idea, I have ever heard, ever!

The worst part is because this idea is so f–king stupid, you can bet that it will catch on all over the place. We need to put a stop to this madness right now, before it spreads any further.School custodians did not sign up for this, they are not Police Officers, FBI Agents, or Soldiers, who are highly trained, highly skilled, professionals who actually sign up for this. They know the risks, and they accept them.

Here’s some sobering statistics. There were 163 law enforcement officers killed in 2011, and there have been 58,261 assaults against law enforcement each year, resulting in 15,658 injuries. Keep in mind that these are highly trained, highly skilled individuals. 95% of all Police Officers never, ever, have to fire their weapon in the line of duty during their entire career.

Even the most highly trained civilian law enforcement agents in the United States, FBI Special Agents, have been killed in the line of duty. 36 FBI Special Agents have been killed in the line of duty since the FBI was founded in 1908. This doesn’t sound like a lot, but as of September, 2012, there were only 13,913 Special Agents total. This is a very small number, compared to the total number of Police Officers, Sheriff’s Deputy’s, etc. which number in the tens of thousands.

You have to keep in mind, FBI Special Agents do not rush into a crime scene like Police Officers do. The FBI meticulously plans every action, down to the smallest detail, before ever approaching a hostile situation. Still, even with all this extensive planning, things can, and do, go wrong.

I was privileged to be asked to participate in the FBI Citizens Academy, at the Tampa FBI Field Office, in 2011. This is a program that selects various people, from diverse segments of the community, to learn how the FBI operates, and develop partnerships between the FBI, and local citizens, so we can all learn how to make our communities safer. Let me tell you I learned a lot.

Some of the many things I learned, by participating in The FBI Citizens Academy, only reinforces my belief, that arming school custodians, is an amazingly stupid, and ill conceived idea. First of all, let me tell you, the FBI agents I met are honest, hard working, highly skilled, and dedicated, to what they do. Trust me when I say they are not very much like they are commonly portrayed on TV. These individuals are smart, funny, and very, very, skilled. You could be living right next door, or down the street, form one right now, and you may not even realize it.

Did you know that an FBI Special Agent has to retire at 57? That’s right, it is determined that you can no longer pass the fitness, and mental requirements, to effectively continue, in this line of work. That says something about how highly trained and skilled these men and women actually are. Like I said, what I learned, absolutely reinforces my belief, that arming school custodians, is an incredibly stupid idea.

I can’t speak for the FBI, but I am pretty sure that they would agree with me on this one. One of the things I learned was, that even with minimal training, you are in no way prepared for how things actually go down. All these pro assault military weapons nut-jobs you see, spouting off about arming everyone, which will ultimately prevent all these horrendous tragedies, we have experienced in the last several years, are dead wrong.

One of the things we got to do, was use the firing simulator, where you experienced real life scenarios, e.g.- bank robbery, and hostage situations, and you had to react quickly, to decide to shoot, or not shoot, I don’t care how prepared you think you are, or how minimally trained you may be, you can never be prepared for this. 

No matter how much, bulls–t, macho bravado, you may spout, when the s–t hits the fan, all bets are off. If you are in a situation with an active shooter present, you can in no way be prepared for what you will encounter in a real life situation. There could be innocent bystanders in your line of fire, sometimes innocent bystanders may look suspicious or make sudden unexpected moves.

From what I observed, you either killed, one or more, innocent bystanders, you missed and were killed, or you froze for a fraction of a second too long, and were killed yourself. This exercise only demonstrated that some peoples misguided belief systems, that include placing more guns into the mix, will somehow prevent these type tragedies. Just the opposite is actually true, It will ultimately contribute to more deaths, and more bloodshed. There are many, many, studies, done by people who know what they are talking about, that supports my position.

Another thing I learned was, a lot of the things we believe to be true are not. Here’s an example, if a person has a gun, Law Enforcement has to identify themselves. We have all heard, and seen, on TV, how the FBI, or any Law Enforcement agent, will yell something like “FBI, DROP THE WEAPON!, if the perpetrator doe’s not drop the gun, in like one second, they will shoot you. I have seen many times, where someone will try to make the case that Law Enforcement, did not give the perpetrator enough time to surrender, and they killed them in cold blood.

Let me tell you that this is absolutely, f–king bulls–t. I witnessed first hand, how a person with a gun could swing it towards you, and fire, before you could even register that they had moved. This was true, even when you had your gun pointed right at the bad guy. This scenario gives anyone, including highly trained, FBI Special Agents about a 65-70% chance of getting killed. Keep in mind that these are highly trained, and skilled, individuals, who practice exactly this type of scenario, all the time.

We also got to go to the firing range, and see a demonstration, of the FBI SWAT Team, and we also got to fire several of The FBI’s weapons, including their standard, 40 caliber service weapons, as well as firing the FBI’s, M-4 Assault rifles. Let me tell you, at only 15 yards, these men, and women, of the FBI, can out shoot you, and precision hit a target, all while maintaining a cool, calm, and collected demeanor.

My point is, no matter how much you think you may be prepared, or how smart you think you are, You are far less prepared, then you might convince yourself, that you think you are. It is insane to believe that a bunch of half-cocked. half wits, with guns, are going to make us safer, just the opposite is actually true.

Lets just take a look at the type of people who have carried out these type of horrendous mass shootings in recent times, starting with the Columbine High School shootings in 1999, through the Sandy Hook Elementary School shootings in 2012. What is the common denominator? These deranged individuals carried out these horrendous attacks very methodically, and had no intention of coming out alive. This was not only a mass murder plot, but a suicide pact as well. These deranged individuals showed no emotion, no fear, no remorse, and no revulsion, regarding the carnage, loss of life, and pain, they were inflicting upon other innocent human beings.

Let’s not forget that Columbine High School had, not one but two, armed guards on campus at the time and were unable to stop the carnage. These mass murderers are not normal people like the kind who may attempt to rob a liquor store, or other easy target. These mass murderers carried out these attacks in a very short period of time, and caused lot’s of casualties. These deranged individuals had no regard for their own life, or anyone else around them. These attacks on innocent children, using high caliber, high powered, military style weapons lasted only 2-5 minutes. These deranged assailants were able to fire dozens of rounds, before they took their own lives.

So, the very idea of arming school custodians as a first line of defense against a deranged killer, and active shooter, is totally absurd. The entire event would most likely be over before these newly armed custodians could even arrive upon the scene.

Just imagine the chaos, people running around, people screaming, with an active shooter in their midst. You have a very scared school janitor armed with a handgun trying to figure out what to do, who to shoot at, or not shoot at, all while trying to find out where the shooter may be. This also presents other problems when Law Enforcement arrives on the scene. There is a very good chance that the school janitor may be mistaken for the active shooter, and very likely be killed by mistake.

Another issue that these idiotic School Board members overlooked when making this ludicrous decision, is in recent times the killers were wearing tactical body armor. The very idea that this poor scared, and frightened, school custodian is going to go up against a mad man with a high powered, high capacity, assault weapon, and manage to hit a small unprotected part of the shooter before the shooter kills him, is f–king insane. How many times have we read where some Police Officers, fired dozens of rounds, before they managed to kill the suspect? Now just imagine this happening inside of a school, with children present, in full chaos.

Arming school janitors is not the answer to protect our children from school violence. Arming the teachers or principals is not the answer either. Keeping these weapons out of the mentally unstable is the right way to prevent violence against children in our schools.

Here’s a good one for you. I actually read a while back where someone actually advocated that children be taught to rush the shooter. Seriously? Are you f–king kidding me? Rush the shooter? How about running away, or hiding? This is obviously a better opportunity for survival then running towards the shooter.

Don’t get me wrong, I support the second amendment. However, I don’t support the notion that civilians have the right to possess high powered, high capacity, military grade assault weapons. I have a question for all those out there who tout their right to own these military type weapons, under the second amendment. The founding fathers granted the right to keep and bear arms, that’s a given. However, the only type of advanced weapons available during the founding of this nation, were muskets. So essentially, you were given the right to keep and bear muskets.

So where is it written that you have the right to possess modern high powered, high capacity, military assault rifles? Here’s a thought, what if the only weapon you could legally own is a musket, you couldn’t have a mass shooting. If you are really, really, skilled with a musket, you could reload one, in about 10-15 seconds. Essentially, you could fire a shot only once every 15 seconds. To carry out a massacre, you would need like 50 people.

In reality, I believe that civilians do not need high capacity ammo magazines, we do not need high powered military assault rifles, and we do not need tactical body armor. Due to contrary belief the NRA doe’s not represent gun owners, the NRA represent the 12.5 billion dollar a year, gun manufacturers. Think about it.

All guns should be registered like a car, so we can insure that mentally unstable individuals, or felons cannot possess them. This doe’s not infringe upon our rights, it actually enforces them. Anyone who spouts off, how we need these high capacity, high power military assault weapons so we can protect ourselves from the Government is insane. Since when does this type thinking ever end well? If you are so afraid of the Government, then maybe, you should consider moving somewhere else. However, you are going to find very few options, where you can find a country with more liberal gun laws then the United States.

If we really want to keep our children safe in schools, how about placing an armed guard (law enforcement) outside the entrance to the school, as a deterrent? How about replacing the classroom doors with solid oak fire doors, with deadbolts? How about placing wireless cameras in the hallways, and common areas, that could be accessed by law enforcement at will? How about regularly practicing locking down the school?

There is a lot of technology that could be brought to bear. We need to have a sensible discussion, as a nation, as to the best available options, to keep our children safe.Arming school janitors, principals, teachers, etc. is not the answer to keep our children safe, on the contrary, it will only increase the dangers we already face. Stop being a political pawn, stop being a half-wit, believing everything you see, or hear, from some of the talking heads with obvious political agendas.

Start thinking like an American with common goals, start thinking like a parent, start thinking like a caring human being, start thinking like you are part of humanity, only then will the answers start to become clear. Now is the time to have an honest discussion, as a nation, and deal with this issue decisively, once and for all.

If I have to sacrifice something to prevent another tragedy where twenty, 5  and 6 year old children, and six of their teachers, and administrators, were killed, in a public school, then I am willing to make that sacrifice, and so should you. This madness has to stop, and it has to stop, right now!

As always, 

I am…

Tom Dye, The Safety Guy

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AK-47 Used During Argument About Rabbits

AK-47 Used During Argument About Rabbits. I am only going to concentrate on one part of this story. Bear with me for a moment, it will all become abundantly clear.

So, as the story goes, a man in Louisville, Kentucky, was sitting on his porch shooting rabbits and squirrels with an air gun that were burrowing into and eating his garden. According to Police, the man was not even shooting at the rabbits and squirrels, he was just firing near them to scare them.

The rabbit hunter’s neighbor, Rodney Wold, 64, didn’t care for his neighbor shooting towards rabbits and squirrels with an air gun or anything else for that matter. Mr. Wold, went into his house and loaded his trusty AK-47 assault rifle with nineteen rounds of ammunition and immediately came charging back out and pointed his AK-47 assault weapon at his neighbor and reportedly yelled; “If you want to hunt something, hunt men”. Seriously, I am not making this up.

Luckily, the Police arrived before anyone could get hurt and arrested Mr. Wold after finding his loaded AK-47 hidden under his mattress.

On the surface, this seems like a fairly minor disturbance between neighbors. Well, maybe the threatening your neighbor with an AK-47 is a little extreme. Now I am finally getting to the point of my story. What I want to do is show you a photo of Mr. Rodney Wold.

Rodney Wold

Rodney Wold

Seriously!!! Is this the kind of guy you want owning an AK-47 assault rifle? Obviously, Mr. Rodney Wold is competing to be the new poster child for an assault weapons ban.

I know, I know, you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. But come on, look at this guy!!! Specifically, look at his eyes.

I believe that the eyes are a window into the soul, so to speak. If you look at the eyes of some of the most notorious killers in the modern age you know exactly what I am talking about. Take a look at the following photos as they illustrate my point perfectly.

Ted Bundy

Ted Bundy

Theodore Robert “Ted” Bundy,  November 24, 1946 – January 24, 1989) was an American serial killer, rapist, kidnapper, and necrophile who assaulted and murdered numerous young women and girls during the 1970s and possibly earlier. After more than a decade of denials, he confessed shortly before his execution to 30 homicides committed in seven states between 1974 and 1978; the true total remains unknown, and could be much higher.

Bundy was regarded as handsome and charismatic by his young female victims, traits he exploited in winning their trust. He typically approached them in public places, feigning an injury or disability, or impersonating an authority figure, before overpowering and assaulting them at a more secluded location. He sometimes revisited his secondary crime scenes for hours at a time, grooming and performing sexual acts with the decomposing corpses until putrefaction and destruction by wild animals made further interaction impossible. He decapitated at least 12 victims and kept some of the severed heads in his apartment for a period of time as mementos. On a few occasions, he simply broke into dwellings in the dead of night and bludgeoned victims as they slept.

BTK Killer

BTK Killer

Dennis Lynn Rader (born March 9, 1945) is an American serial killer who murdered ten people in Sedgwick County (in and around Wichita, Kansas), between 1974 and 1991.

He is known as the BTK killer (or the BTK strangler). “BTK” stands for “Bind, Torture, Kill,” which was his infamous signature. He sent letters describing the details of the killings to police and to local news outlets during the period of time in which the murders took place.

After a long hiatus in the 1990s through early 2000s, Rader resumed sending letters in 2004, leading to his 2005 arrest and subsequent conviction. He is serving 10 consecutive life sentences at El Dorado Correctional Facility in Kansas, with an earliest possible release date of February 26, 2180.

Charles Manson

Charles Manson

Charles Milles Manson (born November 12, 1934) is an American criminal and musician who led what became known as the Manson Family, a quasi-commune that arose in California in the late 1960s. He was found guilty of conspiracy to commit the murders of Sharon Tate and Leno and Rosemary LaBianca carried out by members of the group at his instruction. He was convicted of the murders through the joint-responsibility rule, which makes each member of a conspiracy guilty of crimes his fellow conspirators commit in furtherance of the conspiracy’s objective.

Adam Lanza

Adam Lanza

On December 14, 2012, Adam Lanza, 20, fatally shot twenty children and six adult staff members in a mass murder at Sandy Hook Elementary School in the village of Sandy Hook in Newtown, Connecticut. Before driving to the school, Lanza had shot and killed his mother Nancy at their Newtown home. As first responders arrived, he committed suicide by shooting himself in the head.

The incident is the second deadliest mass shooting by a single person in American history.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not saying, nor implying, that Rodney Wold is a mass murderer. As a matter of fact Mr. Wald does not even have a criminal record at all. What I am saying is that he may be headed down the same road as the notorious mass murderers  pictured above. Seriously, look at his eyes!!!

Thankfully, Mr. Wold was arrested and the AK-47 assault weapon confiscated. (I assume the police confiscated the ammunition as well). Later on Judge Donald Armstrong reduced Mr. Wold’s bond from $5,000 full cash, allowing him out of jail on his own recognizance, but the Judge ordered him not to possess any weapons.  Rodney Wold is charged with first-degree wanton endangerment.

Maybe, just maybe, the Police somehow managed to stop a rampage before it could even begin. I mean how many people come out of their house with a loaded assault weapon point it at a neighbor and yell “If you want to hunt something, hunt men”. I know, I have never experienced anything like that before. As a matter of fact if I lived next door to anyone even remotely like Mr. Wold, I would move as far away as possible at the very first opportunity, preferably, quietly, in the middle of the night. At least, maybe I would have a few hours head start.

My point to this whole convoluted story is, if someone looks insane, most likely they are. Seriously, If you lived near someone who looked like Mr. Rodney Wold, would you feel comfortable knowing that they possessed, high-powered, high-capacity,  military style assault weapons? Think about it.

As always,

I am…

Tom Dye, The Safety Guy

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