S-no-way! Plow Driver FIRED After Intentionally Burying Cars In Snow.

It’s about f–king time that these flakes get fired for intentionally burying cars in the snow. I used to live in the Northeast; in Connecticut, and Massachusetts. There is nothing more annoying than this.

As a matter of fact, this is one of the reasons I moved to Florida. I can say unequivocally, I am never going to snow again as long as I live. As a matter of fact I don’t even like watching snow on TV, at least now I can change the channel.

It’s kind of interesting how people who live in climates where it doesn’t snow, like Florida, seem to have this romantic notion about snow. There is absolutely nothing whatsoever romantic about snow, black ice, below freezing temperatures for months on end, not to mention taking a chance on freezing to death just taking the garbage out.

Let me tell you how it really is, especially in Massachusetts. It usually starts snowing somewhere around Christmas, or maybe shortly thereafter. It usually starts to get cold around Halloween. The first snowfall of the year is kind of cool. Everything turns white and is kind of magical. If that was all the snow for the year and it would immediately warm up right after, I would have been perfectly happy. But, the problem is that is just the beginning of several months of frozen hell.

The first month is OK, I can deal with it. However, by February, or March, I was ready to kill someone, I would be angry and depressed all the time. If this was some sort of joke played by God upon the poor unsuspecting saps in the Northeast, I can tell you first hand, that by March it is certainly not f–king funny.

I was actually born in Southern California. I first moved to Connecticut when I was nineteen in 1978. I moved there in August or September. This was the very same year that there was a huge snowstorm and they actually closed down all the roads in the entire state for three days. That’s right, they actually shut down the entire State of Connecticut for three entire days. This was my first inkling that this move may not have been the best idea. Of course, it took me another 28 years or so, to figure it all out.

Then there is what is known as black ice. It has nothing to do with the color, except black ice is a very thin layer of ice on the roads, walkways, etc. This is a ridiculous phenomena. It is almost cartoon-like, you walk outside, and Wham! the next thing you know you are on your back, hoping that you didn’t break anything.

The roads are even worse. Imagine this, you are driving along slowly when all of a sudden your car starts sliding and turning in circles. Your brakes and steering don’t do a damn thing. You can turn the steering wheel in complete circles in both directions and it has absolutely no effect on changing the direction where the car is heading. Brakes, forget about it, they are totally useless. But, it’s not just you and your car, it’s 30 or 40 other cars around you as well. Trust me this will age you a couple of years, in just a few minutes. It’s kind of like a slow-motion demolition derby, and there is nothing you can do about it.

Here’s a good one, you know the kind of garbage cans that have the wheels on them, so you can easily roll them out to the curb? I always used those because they are so easy to move them around. Anyway, I used to go through about 3 or 4 of these type garbage cans over the course of the winter months. The problem with these was, during the day, the weather would warm up to temperatures above freezing. During the night the temperatures would drop down to well below freezing again.

The problem with wheelie garbage cans was that when I needed to take the garbage cans out to the curb, the wheels would be frozen to the ground. So, what would happen was when you grabbed the garbage can, the wheels would snap right off. These garbage cans will not stand up by themselves without the wheels. This is just another annoying example of winter in the Northeast.

One year, I can’t remember exactly what year it was, as I am still trying to block this winter nightmare out of my memory, it was that f–king bad. It was an unusually cold winter coupled with a larger amount of snow than normal. It accumulated like one hundred inches of snow over the winter and basically never melted away during the course of winter.

I had a pretty nice 22″ snow blower that I used all the time. It got to the point where I couldn’t use it anymore because the snow was so high that it wouldn’t throw it that high anymore. I then had to resort to using a snow shovel, that’s right a “snow shovel”. Technology had failed me.

This was the exact moment that I knew I was going to move to a warmer climate. Don’t even get me started on getting up an hour or more earlier than normal, just so I could have the privilege of shoveling my driveway and somehow figure out how to get into my car that was encased in 1/4 inch of solid ice.

So, let’s get back to the annoying snowplow driver, flake. So after getting up stupidly early, shoveling my car and driveway and somehow de-icing my car that was solidly encased in ice. I finally would be ready to go to work About this time, without fail, the f–king a–hole of a snowplow driver would come along and bury the end of my driveway in a barrier of about two feet of packed snow.

I was ready to kill one of these idiots more than once. Trust me if I wasn’t so tired from shoveling and de-icing for over an hour I would have. To make matters worse, sometimes they would have some stupid s–t eating grin, or even give me this jaunty wave. They had no idea that they were close to death many, many times.

So evidently, this guy, was the worst of the worst. You are not going to believe this, but he actually had a YouTube channel and he recorded himself taunting these poor souls whose cars he had just buried intentionally. on one of the videos he can be heard saying; “Ha haaaaa! You want to find your car? You come see me, I’ll let you know where it is. Maybe. Ha ha ha ha ha!”

So, Mr. Sleazeball s–t-head snowplow driver, how does it feel to be the one left out in the cold? Maybe you lost your way and forgot that your main job was to remove snow, so people could drive on the road, and not to intentionally bury people’s cars, so their lives are made even more miserable in the sub-zero winter hell than it already is.

I suppose this former sleazeball snowball driver can now graduate into one of the other despicable trades like a repo man, or parking enforcement officer.  If you have any snow horror stories, feel free to tell us all about them.


As always,

I am…Tom Dye, The Safety Guy

This is an original work of satire by Tom Dye, The Safety Guy. This article is based on actual reported events. OK, very loosely based on actual events, or maybe hardly at all. 

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