Shoe Salesman Tries To Cut Off Girlfriend’s Toe For Third Time! I don’t know who is more of an idiot, the malicious shoe salesman or the girlfriend.  I’m kind of surprised. Usually, when something this absurd appears in the news, the incident most likely happened in the great weird State of Florida. Not this time, my friends, this happened in the State of New Mexico.

Seriously, I have this aversion to people trying to cut off any of my body parts. I think I most likely need them, so I intend to keep what I have until I decide otherwise. Now, if my spouse ever attempted to cut off one of my big toes (or any other body part for that matter) she wouldn’t get a chance to try it again.

This couple was together when the deranged big toe cutting salesman attempted this sadistic stunt, not once, but TWICE… Evidently, his dumba-s girlfriend didn’t learn after the first attempt. Like I said previously, who’s the most idiotic of the pair?

What possible gain could a shoe salesman have for cutting off his girlfriends big toe for anyway? wouldn’t this sort of cut into his potential client base? Maybe his girlfriend had an unusually large big toe and none of the Manolo Blahnik’s or Gucci shoes would fit over her freakishly large big toe. This guy may have only been trying to do some home plastic reconstructive surgery. Hey it’s possible.  Or God forbid, he was practicing to be a Podiatrist.  It is quite possible that her foot looked something like this…..


Actually, I can more relate to the girlfriends point of view,  she has probably grown attached to her big toe, no matter how freakishly large or deformed it may be. She may not even care that she is unable to wear Manolo Blahnik’s or Gucci shoes anyway. Besides the fact,  this ex-boyfriend of her’s was attempting to cut it off with a cigar cutter, with no anesthetic, may have played a large part in her decision.

This deranged shoe  salesman is truly f–ked up. Do you guys know what a cigar cutter looks like? It looks sort of like a hand held guillotine. Obviously, this guy is well on the way to becoming a serial killer. Serial killers always start small. First, its big toes and the  next thing you know, – it’s fingers, arms, legs, and even heads. On the third attempt on his now ex-girlfriends big toe, he actually stalked her to her new home in another city, where she and her freakishly large big toe were currently living incognito.

cigar cutter

By this time the stupid ex-girlfriend had finally obtained a restraining order against the big toe obsessed ex-boyfriend. Did you ever notice how deranged killers, or would be deranges big toe cutters, seem to ignore those official papers ordering them to stay away from that particular person. Evidently, a restraining order doe’s not convey any special sort of powers that keeps the bearer inside some sort of protective bubble safe from all possible harm.

Obviously, this deranged shoe salesman’s understanding of the old adage, “If the shoe fits, wear it”  was all wrong.  Somewhere along the way it became twisted in his mind. There is nothing in this old saying stating that you’re supposed to “surgically modify” a person’s feet to make a particular shoe fit.  This just goes to show how far this shoe salesman had fallen into madness.

This time the ex-girlfriend was prepared. For protection she was carrying a steel fork with her at all times. Yes,  your typical, run-of-the-mill, stainless steel dinner fork.  When the deranged toe cutting shoe salesman showed up at her door and attacked her, she immediately fought back with the dinner fork and escaped. The deranged salesman was forked now, and this was going to be the end of the line for the deranged serial big toe cutting shoe salesman.

It didn’t take the Cop’s long to locate the deranged shoe salesman. You see, after he returned back home he had to seek emergency medical treatment for his fork wounds.  The Cops immediately arrested him. The deranged shoe salesman should have known that the other shoe would drop sooner or later.

As always,

I am…

Tom Dye, The Safety Guy

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