I have written extensively in the past about how animals are far more cunning and intelligent then we ever suspected. This story is yet another example. I have combined two recent headlines, as they both show a definite trend on how animals are trying to end man’s supremacy on Earth.
Evidently, mankind is being evicted by the landlord.
Fisherman Finds Live Bomb In Squid

Our first story is about Squid that are finally sick and tired of being some idiots dinner. Evidently some squid have found a way to fight back by becoming suicide bombers. This is pretty f–king scary. Here is one instance where I am certainly glad that I am not a fan of squid.You see, a fisherman off the coast of China pulled in a squid. This squid was different somehow and was noticeably bloated.

The fisherman thinking nothing unusual about an abnormally bloated squid finished his fishing and went back to shore to the local wholesale fish market.Little did this simple fisherman know, he was carrying death right there with him, in his very small fishing boat.

You see this was no ordinary squid, this was a suicide bomber squid. Yes, that’s right. I am not making this stuff up.Evidently, squid are sick and tired of being dinner for humans and have developed a way to fight back. This squid realizing that it was about to become some humans next meal, promptly swallowed a three pound bomb. That’s right, a bomb, a bomb in the shape of an eggplant to be exact. This live bomb could have gone off at any time if handled improperly.

Luckily for this particular fisherman he handled the squid rather gingerly and the bomb did not explode. The bomb was discovered inside the dead squid as it was being slaughtered at the fish market. Thank God! The bomb failed to detonate and nobody was hurt. The Police were soon called and they promptly took the bomb away for detonation.The interesting thing about this story is, squid normally feed close to shore on very small fish and prawns. A three pound bomb shaped like an eggplant certainly doesn’t look anything like fish or prawns.

This could only lead us to one possible conclusion. The squid planned to take out the fisherman in a premeditated act as a suicide bomber. The baffling part of the story is where did the squid obtain a bomb shaped like an eggplant? The story did not clarify if the bomb resembled an American eggplant or Chinese eggplant.

I believe that as part of the squids master plan to halt over fishing off the Chinese coast and elsewhere. I believe that the squid are working with international black market arms traders. I highly doubt the the squid manufactured the bomb themselves, and they must have acquired outside help in order to pull off their nefarious plan.

We need international cooperation right now, to deal with this menace before it gets out of hand. We have enough issues to deal with right now then having to also worry about killer squid as suicide bombers.


Man Vows To Kill All Squirrels After House Fire Interrupts Funeral

Our second story details how a squirrel in the UK burned down a mans garage on purpose.

Yes, you heard right. A 73 year old man in the UK was ion the middle of a funeral procession for a friend when he received an urgent call from one of his neighbors informing him that his house was on fire.

The man immediately demanded that the car he was in for the funeral procession to immediately detour and take him to his burning home. Once the driver arrived at his home he was horrified to discover three fire crews attempting to put out the fire that had already consumed half his garage, damaged his home and partially damaged the neighbors home as well.

Now truth be told, this guy is not the nicest person in his hometown either. He has made headlines before. During the 24 years he spent as Tory Councillor, he was suspended for swearing and insulting the wife of a fellow Tory, then suspended in 2007 for telling a rival candidate “I’ll bury you,” according to the Guardian. In 2010, he was convicted of assault after allegedly spitting in someone’s face during an argument about a parking space.

So after the fire was finally put out and was reduced to cold embers, it was determined that a squirrel had chewed through an electrical wire at just the right location that would cause a serious fire.

This guy has also had it out for the squirrels in the past. He complained that when he puts out nuts to feed birds, neighborhood squirrels eat all the food he provides. “It’s a battle between me and the squirrels,” he told a local newspaper. “I put up with that, but now that they’ve set my house on fire I’ve decided I’m going to shoot them all.”

Evidently this guy just doesn’t learn. The squirrels were giving him a deadly warning, that they can and will do him serious harm if he doesn’t lighten up with the nuts. Now he is threatening to kill them all. This is a serious f–king mistake dude. Just give them what they want and just maybe they will let you live.

Just think about it dude, the squirrels sent you a serious message while you were attending a funeral of one of your friends. The timing of the fire was no coincidence, I can assure you. You had best change your attitude and fast. I am not sure how much patience squirrels have.

I never trusted squirrels much anyway, or squid for that matter.
So, why are we seeing an enormous increase in animals attacking humans? Isn’t it obvious? It’s not just squids with bombs, or squirrels burning down a crotchety old man house. No, my friends, this is just a small sampling of incidents happening around the world on a daily basis and these incidents are happening more frequently all the time.

Think about it! We have polluted the air, polluted the oceans, polluted the lakes, polluted the rivers and streams, and we have polluted the land. Mankind is the main culprit that is causing global climate change. As the stewards of this planet, mankind sucks. If the stewardship of the planet were a full time paying job, mankind would have been fired long ago, out of sheer incompetence. Trust me, I work in the private sector, and they expect results.

As stewards of the planet we have utterly failed to produce any results whatsoever, as a matter of fact, things are much, much, worse. Animals are evidently the next chosen stewards of the planet and it seems that the landlord has directed them to evict us. Frankly, I don’t blame the landlord at all.

Unless we change our ways, and change them soon, we (mankind) is going to become an endangered species. Let’s turn this around while we still can. Are you with me?

As always,

I am…
Tom Dye, The Safety Guy

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