The Horror Of Champagne Cork Injuries (It Can Happen To You) Enough is enough! When are we finally going to do something about the thousands of people killed, and injured, every year, especially New Years Eve, from these deadly champagne cork shootings. How many innocent people have to die before the public, and our elected officials, finally act to stop these senseless tragedies?
It is long established constitutional law regarding every American’s right to possess champagne. However, I believe that this right does not extend to military grade, or cheap foreign imports of champagne that plague American society from our inner cities, to rural small towns. In most States it is perfectly legal to carry a concealed, and loaded, champagne bottle, on your person everywhere you go.
Part of the problem of champagne violence plaguing America is because it is very easy to purchase. There are numerous stores in virtually every city that high powered champagne can be purchased by anyone over the age of 21 without any sort of background check or waiting period. A simple State issued identification card or drivers license is all that is usually required.
This entire process for the purchase of, and possession, of high powered champagne, is flawed because it allows mentally unstable persons, as well as convicted felons, to purchase high powered, and fully loaded champagne, without any fear of being caught. None of the fifty States require you to register your loaded champagne, or restrict the firing of deadly champagne corks anywhere except in public spaces clearly marked by signage forbidding it.
Champagne comes in all sizes, or calibers. The standard “civilian calibers” range from the easily concealable .1875 caliber bottle, commonly referred to as a “Snipe” to .375 and .750 caliber, half and full sized bottles. All three of these standard sizes pack a single shot champagne cork, and all can be lethal from fairly close range for the .1875 caliber “Snipe”, to the medium and long range killing power of the .375 and .750 caliber sizes.
There are larger caliber “Military Grade” champagne’s designed to kill or maim people from very great distances. These include the 1.5 caliber “Magnum” all the way up to the very long range 30.0 caliber “King of Salem” long distance heavy artillery. Military caliber champagnes have been known to explode spontaneously, if not stored in the proper conditions.
There are those groups that argue civilians also have to constitutional right to possess Military Grade, high caliber, champagne’s as well. These groups are very misguided as these military grade high caliber sizes are not designed for self defense, hunting, target practice, or any other legitimate purposes. These military calibers were only designed for one thing, killing people, and be used specifically in battlefield conditions. These military caliber champagnes are of no use to civilians, and have been used in some of the highest profile crimes against innocent people, including women and children.
All champagne calibers are single shot, one time use weapons. However, there is a difference in the corks used for all calibers. There is the standard cork, found moistly in civilian calibers, as well as the plastic champagne cork, used mostly in military calibers. The plastic military grade champagne cork is far more lethal, and easily penetrates, most body armor.
After the most recent News Years Eve tragedies, now is the time to have a thoughtful discussion as a nation and civilized society regarding sensible regulations for champagne, and champagne corks, to prevent these senseless injuries and deaths caused my mentally unstable individuals, as well as convicted felons.
Call, write, or email your Senator, Congressman or The President and let them know that high caliber military grade champagnes have no use in a civilized society, and demand sensible regulations to prevent future tragedies. Enough is enough.
Tom Dye, The Safety Guy
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