‘Furby’ Used As A Weapon In Assault, Police Say. I knew there was something about these things. WTF…Now they are being used as weapons? I am not surprised at all. I have no doubt whatsoever that the demon toy, had already possessed her and forced her to do it. You see, a woman used her Furby to assault her boyfriend. This is a typical Furby ploy, used so it can get close enough to the boyfriend to be able to possess him as well.
I have a Furby, It sits on a shelf near me, it’s looking at me right now, it probably knows I’m talking about it. Don’t panic, I am not affected or influenced in any way by it’s electronic demon powers. You see, Tom Dye, The Safety Guy is a collector of absurd and eclectic things. I have lots of unusual, bizarre, or just plain absurd items that I have painstakingly gathered over the years. Victoria thinks most items are just junk, but she is sadly mistaken, these are treasures.
Besides, just to be on the safe side, the only batteries that I supply the little furry electronic demon are more then 80% depleted, so it doesn’t have enough energy to try and kill me or influence me in any way. (At least thats my working theory) I keep it around to study it’s evil ways. If you don’t know what a Furby is, mine looks very much like the one pictured below.
|The Demon Furby|
First of all my friends, do not be fooled by their cute furry looks, this is part of their demonic master plan. These things are the spawn of Satan himself. Furby just sits on the shelf, at least when we are awake. I have no idea what it doe’s when we are sleeping and frankly I don’t want to know. I am pretty certain that sometimes when I get up in the mornings, it is not always in the same position as the night before.
Most of the time Furby just sits there, un-moving, on the shelf, with eyes closed, not moving at all. Suddenly, for reasons only it knows, it opens his eyes starts moving its ears and either starts singing some tune or starts speaking in some language that no human has ever heard before.
I find the best thing to do is to just ignore it, because it will then slowly close it’s eyes and make this fake snoring sound, it is actually just pretending to sleep. I am not fooled for even a second and I always keep one eye on it, just to be sure.
Nobody is quite sure exactly where Furby’s come from, they suddenly appeared on the market in the mid-1990’s. They possessed all the children into believing that they just had to have one or they would just die. So in turn parents bought them in droves just so the screaming kids would finally shut up already.
This is how it stared. millions of these little electronic demons are out there programming our children to kill Mommy and Daddy. It is amazing how children will spend hours listening to these little demons and all the while, they are slowly being programmed to be instruments of destruction.
Furby’s had one major flaw. A flaw so big that it ultimately lead to their sinister plan being foiled before it could be fully implemented. Batteries! Furby’s really eat batteries and run down fairly quickly and then hibernate permanently. This caused kids to become disinterested and without continuous brainwashing, the kids reverted back to their their normal selves. The Furby’s were forgotten and eventually ended up being thrown away, where they ultimately ended up in public landfills. The children reverted back to being normal kids and were free to resume playing their first person shooter ultra violent video games.
The Furby’s disappeared off the face of the earth. Except for a few in the hands of collectors of eclectic things like myself, Furby’s became just a distant memory.
Recently, a new generation of Furby’s reappeared from wherever Furby’s come from. These Furby 2.0’s are far more insidious then the first generation. First of all they are far more sophisticated and they are energy efficient. This means that the little furry demons can run a very, very, long time on a single set of batteries.
What do Furby’s want?
I believe that some of the strange cyber intrusions into our critical infrastructure networks and the ultra violent acts we have witnessed lately, e.g. – serial killings, Tea Party members, and even teachers sleeping with students are all a result of individuals or groups being influenced by a Furby, or to coin a new phrase, these people are “furbyfluenced”.
THIS HAS TO STOP RIGHT NOW! I have a plan how we can put an end to this madness once and for all.
If there is a Furby in your home or office, you need to follow my important safety tip, exactly as I have laid it out, in the same sequence, so you don’t become yet another tragic statistic.
- First wait until the Furby is in pretend sleep mode. This will be obvious as it’s eyes will be closed and it will be perfectly still.
- Use a plastic grocery bag, or if your the green recycling type person you can feel free to use one of those over priced reusable ones. Quickly but quietly sneak up on the pretend sleeping Furby, and place the bag over the top of it.
- Quickly flip it upside down and immediately remove the batteries. This will prevent it from calling in reinforcements, that are already “furbyfluenced”.
- Next, take the inert Furby outside and either set it on fire, or smash it to bits with a sledge hammer or brick.
- Dispose of it properly per your local or State recycling or solid waste disposal laws.
This should rid your home or office of the little electronic demon once and for all. If there is more then one Furby, repeat the five steps on the next one until all the Furby’s are eliminated.
Doe’s anyone know where Furby’s come from, you ask? Nobody knows for sure. Some people believe that they are demons in physical form, others believe they are part of an advance force, sent by space aliens, to soften us up, and probe our defenses, prior to the main invasion force arriving. Maybe it is something else altogether.
I am…Tom Dye, The Safety Guy