These Shoes Will Literally Kill You!

In this case, this is not a cliche. You know what I mean, we’ve all heard the expression, my feet are killing me, or these shoes are killing me, etc.  Seriously, women wear shoes all the time that literally kill their feet and actually experience  pain in every single step,  all in the name of fashion. Me, I would much much rather wear clunky looking sensible shoes.

Actually,  my feet are f–king killing me right now! I  have a really good  excuse though. You see, I was replacing the entire bathroom floor down to the floor joists, replacing the beams, plywood, etc. I did this for the entire freaking weekend. So, I can safely say that my aching feet are strictly due to overworking and not because of something far more insidious.

This foot attack which happened in Japan is something entirely different. This is truly a horrendous crime. Japanese police say they have arrested a man because he tried to kill a female colleague by putting hydrofluoric acid, a highly toxic and corrosive chemical, in her shoes. The alleged attack, which took place in December, caused gangrene to develop in the toes of the woman’s left foot.

Being Tom Dye the Safety Guy, I know something about hydrofluoric acid. Trust me, when I say that this would have to be a very depraved individual to purposely expose anyone to this truly nasty substance. Hydrofluoric acid is one of the most toxic and corrosive substances known to man.

You see, hydrofluoric acid doesn’t burn the skin like sulfuric acid, which you hear about in the news when there is an acid attack on somebody. Acids like sulfuric, cause immediate burns and scaring. No, my friends, hydrofluoric acid is far, far, more insidious. Here’s a little trivia, hydrofluoric acid actually dissolves glass. That’s right, this s–t actually dissolves glass.

When someone is exposed to hydrofluoric acid they need to seek medical treatment immediately. Hydrofluoric acid is absorbed through the skin and starts dissolving bones. I just want that to sink in for a moment…..

Not only is exposure to this substance excruciatingly painful it dissolves your bones. Do you know what you would turn into if all your bones dissolved?

Giant earthworm

That’s right, you would be nothing more than a giant f–king earthworm, maybe something similar to the one pictured above.  Just imagine all the bones in your body dissolving? You would get to spend the rest of your life slithering around on the ground.  It seems to me that this would present unique challenges. Certainly, you wouldn’t be able to work. Seriously, someone slithering around on the floor would most likely be seen as fairly disruptive by your fellow coworkers.

You couldn’t drive. Have you ever seen a giant earthworm driving a car? I think not. You would have serious issues shopping at your local Walmart. Besides, how are you going to carry cash or credit cards? How would you pick up items off the shelves and place them into your shopping cart? How would you even push a shopping cart? I could think of about a hundred more questions, but what would be the point.

This woman was very lucky indeed. Thank God, she realized something was seriously wrong and sought medical attention right away. Maybe her shoes dissolving right off her feet as she was wearing them was a dead giveaway. Maybe it was something else. To deal with the immediate issue, doctors had to remove the tips of five of her toes, according to the local deputy chief of police.

You are never going to believe why this evil moron did this to the nice young woman. No, it wasn’t because she did something so horrible to the guy and he felt the need to seek revenge in one of the most horrific ways possible. Oh no, my friends, he did this to her because he had had “romantic feelings” toward the victim.

I bet that this dude was one of those stupid kids who used to pull the girl’s pony tails when he was a kid in his expression of puppy love. It seems to me that putting hydrofluoric acid in your love interests shoes is not a very good way to get a date. In fact, I can safely say that the only date that this guy is going top get is the sumo wrestler sized cell mate that he is going to have for the next few years.

Luckily, the nice girl only lost the top of a few toes and was not transformed into a giant earthworm.  I suppose she got off lucky.

As always,

I am…

Tom Dye, The Safety Guy


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