Fabric Softener Jesus? Laundry Mishap Leads To ‘Holy’ Sighting. Apparently, Jesus is appearing in a lot of unusual places lately.
A man was doing laundry lately and just to reinforce how incompetent men are at doing laundry, spilled some fabric softener right on one of his dark-colored shirts. Well, we all know what happens when you do that don’t we? A large stain appeared on the shirt and when he looked closer he suddenly realized that the stain turned into “fabric softener Jesus” staring back at him. I imagine that the guy was horrified. Especially after yelling; God D–m it, F–king idiot, as he came to the sudden realization that he had just ruined his favorite shirt.
Most of us wouldn’t even begin to imagine that fabric softener Jesus would suddenly appear after an outburst like that. I would be willing to bet that this poor sap peed himself after seeing this.
Personally, I think the image looks more like Jesus juggling. Although it could just be Jesus mocking the guy for being so incompetent at doing laundry. I sincerely hope that fabric softener Jesus takes it easy on this poor soul. You see, I have a confession to make. Believe it or not, Tom Dye, the Safety Guy is also incompetent at doing the laundry. For some reason my clothes look worse coming out of the wash then when they went in.
Actually, I’ve been forbidden to do any laundry for quite sometime, Thank God! You see, a long, long time ago, I was doing laundry, when I accidentally had one of the lovely Victoria’s sweaters mixed up in the wash. Let me tell you when I took the clothes out of the dryer, I was horrified to find one of Victoria’s favorite sweaters shrunk down to toddler size. I tried in vain to stretch it back to size, but to no avail.
After the sweater fiasco, Victoria determined that I was too incompetent to do laundry. I am not sure if this is a blessing or curse. You see, I may not have to do the laundry, but now I have to clean the cat’s litter box, several times a week. It seems to me that I have been paying a very high price for one isolated incident involving a single sweater. Oh well, I guess in life we all have our crosses to bear.
Let me tell you my friends, this is not the first time Jesus has appeared in unexpected places lately, there’s a lot more. Let me just discuss a few of the more interesting sightings. Honestly, I am not making these up.
Bird s–t Jesus. That’s tight. A man in Ohio discovered that an apparently large bird had left a present on his windshield. When he looked at the bird dropping from inside the car, he discovered a very clear image of Jesus looking back at him. I wonder if he washed it off or if the car became a shrine?
Breakfast burrito Jesus. An 80-year-old man in Texas discovered an image of Jesus burned into his usual breakfast burrito. You know this would bring up an interesting dilemma. What if this was this poor guy’s last bit of change and he hadn’t eaten in 24 hours. Would it be sacrilege to eat breakfast burrito Jesus?
Maybe Jesus, just has a really absurd sense of humor. If so, this joke was not very funny, at least not to the poor starving 80-year-old man who spent the very last of his money on a delicious breakfast burrito.
Sock Jesus. This is actually one of my favorite sightings. Here’s a discovery by a woman in London, England. She went to collect her laundry and discovered the face of Jesus in a wrinkled sock. Evidently she is not any better at doing laundry than me. This woman certainly pays attention to details, me I don’t think I would have even noticed, and this sacred relic would have been lost to the world forever.
This woman was so impressed that she actually built a shrine to the sock. I can see it now, “The Church of the Holy Crumpled Sock”, or how about the “The Sacred Sock of London”.
There is no word if the matching sock exhibited similar divine characteristics.
Important Safety Tip: I would make sure that none of the followers attempt to smuggle in an iron or steamer.
Pizza Jesus. Here’s a sighting from Australia. The owners of a pizza shop claim the face of Jesus suddenly appeared in one of their three cheese pizzas. I wonder if they ate the pizza, I have to say it looks really good. Funny, I never thought of Brisbane, Australia, as being a hotbed of delicious pizza. This is just another reason to visit Australia.
Pirogi Jesus. Here’s another one from Ohio. A woman was making Pirogi’s for Easter dinner in 2005. Obviously this being a divine dumpling, the woman and her family did not eat Pirogi Jesus, rather she kept him in the freezer. This action may actually be problematic, as if Jesus liked the cold he would have appeared in the woman’s freezer.
So, as you can plainly see, apparently, Jesus can appear anywhere and anytime. Jesus has been sighted on the food we eat, the clothes we wear , buildings, windows, burnt frying pans and even bird poop. I think that all of you who have a Jesus image appear in anything, whether it be food, clothing or whatever, should immediately build a shrine to the holy relic. Believe me, you can even charge admission. People will come from far and wide to pray to the divine sock, Pirogi, sacred bird poop, or whatever. Who knows maybe the sacred images can even heal the sick and feed the poor.
Or maybe, we can just accept the fact that the human mind is designed to see patterns, patterns even patterns that are not actually there. You think my suggestion to build religious shrines sounds ridiculous, or even sacrilegious? Ridiculous maybe, sacrilegious? I don’t know.
Seriously, people actually flock to this sort of stuff all the time. That’s right people actually make pilgrimages to holy socks, or windows, and even peeling paint because they believe it shows some sort of divine image. If it makes them feel better and offers a little inner peace, what’s wrong with that? To each their own. Personally, I think that when Jesus said he would one day return, this is not exactly what he had in mind.
I will leave that for you to decide for yourself.
Tom Dye, The Safety Guy
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