You’ve Been Warned, The Great Taco Truck Invasion Has Already Begun! (IMPORTANT UPDATE 10/19/2016)
I have to be honest with you, I never saw this coming. But, there is no doubt about it my friends, we have been invaded.
A foreign army with overwhelming numbers has silently and covertly invaded The United States, and we are powerless to stop it.
Even though I admittedly didn’t see it coming, I can pinpoint the exact moment it began. The Taco Truck invasion of 2016 bears a striking resemblance to the beginning of the American revolutionary war. Seriously, let me explain.
In order to fully understand current events, we need only to look back at history to clearly see the common threads that created our current conflict. Just bear with me and everything will become abundantly clear.
To put things into perspective, Elizabeth Nix, from History.com, wrote an excellent piece on the beginnings of the revolutionary war, This piece details the exact moment that the American Revolutionary war began. We now call this moment in time; The Shot That Was Heard Around The World.
“On the night of April 18, 1775, hundreds of British troops set off from Boston toward Concord, Massachusetts, in order to seize weapons and ammunition stockpiled there by American colonists. Early the next morning, the British reached Lexington, where approximately 70 minutemen had gathered on the village green. Someone suddenly fired a shot—it’s uncertain which side—and a melee ensued. When the brief clash ended, eight Americans lay dead and at least an equal amount were injured, while one redcoat was wounded. The British continued on to nearby Concord, where that same day they encountered armed resistance from a group of patriots at the town’s North Bridge. Gunfire was exchanged, leaving two colonists and three redcoats dead. Afterward, the British retreated back to Boston, skirmishing with colonial militiamen along the way and suffering a number of casualties; the Revolutionary War had begun”. – Elizabeth Nix, History.com
The great Taco Truck invasion began with a similar “singular” moment in time. In this case, it started with an interview on MSNBC at exactly 8:36 PM EST. A Latino, Donald Trump supporter, and Latinos for Trump founder; Marco Gutierrez, was being interviewed live on air. He was referring to the scenario if Donald Trump were to lose the election. This is when he made the following statement;
“My culture is a very dominant culture,” he warned. “And it’s imposing, and it’s causing problems. If you don’t do something about it, you’re gonna have taco trucks every corner.”
AH HA! This was obviously some sort of secret code phrase telling the Taco Truck Army to begin the invasion. This is a similar tactic that the Japanese used prior to the Japanese bombing of Pearl Harbor. When negotiations between the Japanese and United States governments broke down, The Japanese sent a radio message Tora, Tora, Tora, over the airwaves. Within a few hours, the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor.
Seemingly, almost instantaneously after Marco Gutierrez made his fateful statement live on air, the Taco Truck invasion began.
It began very covertly. At first, no one even noticed. The first of the Taco Truck Army that we’re credibly documented started showing up in places where none had EVER even been before. The first ones started showing up in front of Donald Trump campaign headquarters in various cities. Denver, CO was the first documented sighting. More Taco Trucks started showing up in City, after City, usually beginning in front of Donald Trump campaign headquarters and spreading out exponentially out from there. The only common denominator is apparently Donald Trump’s campaign headquarters was always ground zero.
My God! how could we have been so blind that we never even noticed that the Taco Truck menace was right here among us all along?
Sure, we all saw the random unambiguous Taco Truck parked here and there. I am sure that many of us, including me, even frequented them periodically at lunch, or dinner time and never thought anything of it.
How were we so stupid not to realize what was actually happening before it was too late? Who knew that these random Taco Trucks were actually part of a “fifth column” of foreign invaders just waiting for the signal to strike?
In the last couple of days, Social media has confirmed our worst fears and has literally exploded with sightings of the Taco Truck Army. Taco Trucks have now been sighted in every city and on every corner.
BREAKING NEWS: Overnight, we went from this –
To this –
As of right now, and I literally mean right this minute, units of the Taco Truck Army can be found on virtually every corner, in every city, and small town in America. Don’t take my word for it, just look out your window and down the street.
So, what are we to do about this Taco Truck menace? We have been invaded by an overwhelming force. The Taco Truck Army is too powerful to stop now. Sure, there will be a few among us that will attempt to resist, especially those brave Donald Trump patriots. But, I fear that it is already too little, too late. At this point resistance is futile.
What am I Tom Dye, The Safety Guy going to do about it, you ask?
I am going to embrace our new Taco Truck overlords. I am going to bravely step right up to the nearest unit of the Taco Truck Army and boldly place my order for a taco or two or even three. I am going to order them with everything on it. And you know what? I am going to thoroughly enjoy every single bite of the delicious Taco Truck food.
You may call me a traitor, I don’t really fucking care. As far as I can tell, the sun still shines, the American flag still flies proudly, and I still have a home, car, and a job.
As far as I am concerned, it is a great day in America. Thank you, Taco Truck Overlords for showing us the error of our ways.
UPDATE 10/19/2016 – BREAKING NEWS……
On October 19, 2016, profoundrevelations.com received exclusive BREAKING NEWS……. The Taco Truck Army began arriving early this morning at Donald Trump’s Las Vegas Hotel.
Taco Trucks, as far as the eye can see began arriving this morning and encircling Trumps Las Vegas Hotel. The purpose of this Taco Truck invasion can only be described as a Taco Truck wall surrounding Donald Trumps hotel.
In a profoundrevelation.com “Exclusive Interview” with the Supreme Commander of the Taco Truck Army (Who wishes to remain unknown anonymous at this time. For the sake of journalistic integrity we will just refer to him as; Col. Ramone);
“According to Col. Ramone, This big beautiful taco truck wall is in direct response to Donald Trump’s negative campaign, as well as an action in direct support of the workers at Trump International Hotel who voted to unionize in December. Col. Ramone, further emphasized that Trump refuses to bargain with them”.
Col. Ramone, fully expects Donald Trump to pay for the great Taco Truck wall that has now fully surrounded his Las Vegas Hotel.
We placed several calls to Donald Trump’s press people for comment on if, and how much Trump would be paying for the great taco truck wall. As of our filing deadline, there was no response from either Donald Trump’s campaign or his press liaison.
If we get a statement from Donald Trump we will update this article with their response.
In the meantime, If you are in Las Vegas, stop by the great taco truck wall for some awesome tacos, and show your support for this great cause.
On a side note. According to Col. Ramone, he personally recommends the “No. 7 dinner combination meal”. This meal includes; Two chicken tacos with; cheese, lettuce, cilantro, tomatoes and onions with hot salsa. The meal also includes; Sides of refried beans, guacamole, as well as rice with homemade tortilla chips and salsa.
Hmmmm….Sounds good to me.
As Always,
I am,
Tom Dye, The Safety Guy
09/03/2016
Updated 10/19/2016
