My Capture And Escape From A Trump Internment Camp

My Capture And Escape From A Trump Internment Camp

I had always laughed at the conspiracy theorists who during the Obama Administration used to claim that President Obama had set up secret internment camps all across the country to imprison those who would oppose his liberal agenda. On face value this claim is absurd. It wasn’t true then, but believe me, it’s true now.

They were actually right except for one important point!

You see, it actually wasn’t President Obama, the Democrats, or the Liberals who set up internment camps for dissenting Americans, these never existed except in the fertile imaginations of the fringe elements of society. But  President Trump and his Trumpian deplorable’s took this idea, acted upon it, and actually created these internment camps. I know this horrifying truth, first-hand, and this is my story.

I have always been a vocal opponent of Donald Trump for the last couple of years. I have posted a multitude of anti-Trump posts on my FaceBook page, Twitter, as well as my own website. I mean, seriously I know a racist, bigoted, xenophobic, misogynistic, authoritarian half-wit when I see one. I never thought anything about it, even after he somehow became President. After all, I have first amendment rights just like everyone else, Right? Evidently, it’s not really true anymore now that Trump is President.

My ordeal started not long ago, on a warm Wednesday afternoon. It was 5:37 PM when I had just arrived home from work. (I know this because I was listening to NPR and they had just said the time) I backed my car into my usual spot behind the house. Victoria was off from work and visiting her mother, so I was alone at the house. Just me, Homer the dog, and Isabella the cat. I was looking forward to just relaxing, eating dinner, maybe a couple of beers, and going to bed early.

I got out of the car and looked over to the gate where Homer was barking and doing his usual happy dance which he doe’s every single day when I come home. I started walking around to the other side of the car to get my stuff when this white van pulled to a stop right in front of my car.  You know the type of van, no windows, nothing descriptive, just one of those typical vans that you see every day that is usually emblazoned with the logos of plumbing companies, electricians or A.C. companies or whatever.

As I was reaching for my passenger door, the van’s side door and passenger side door opened, and three people jumped out. These people were wearing military fatigues and all of them were wearing black knitted masks that covered their faces. The most notable thing about them was the military type weapons that they were carrying and were pointed directly at me.  Behind me, Homer was barking hysterically.

About this time, one of the masked marauders spoke. You won’t be needing those things Mr. Dye, as you are coming with us.  I actually started laughing as I have seen a hundred movies with this exact scenario. I might have thought it was funny, but they weren’t laughing. Suddenly, it dawned on me, this wasn’t a movie.

Two of them rushed up to me, grabbed my arms and handcuffed my hands behind my back. I started objecting with “Hey!!! Who the fuck are you?” The one on my right pulled out a black hood and said, “Shut up libtard unless you want to do this the hard way” I shut up, and he placed the hood over my head and they proceeded to frog march me over to the van and unceremoniously tossed me inside.

Once inside the van, they pulled the hood off of me and took off my handcuffs just long enough to make me send a text to my wife stating that I was called away on emergency business and I would be gone for a few days and I would not have access to my phone. Once I complied, they put my handcuffs back on and placed the black hood back over my head.

They all hopped in, slammed the doors and off we went. They drove down city streets and highways too. They never said a word. They were playing country western music on the radio. That’s the moment when I really started getting concerned.

They drove for two or three hours and suddenly we came to a stop. The driver rolled down the window and spoke to someone outside the van and said ” We got another one”  There was the sound of gates opening, and the voice outside said, “drop him off at the intake area”  The driver responded “will do” and then said; “Just doing our part to Make America Great Again”, and drove on. By this time I really, really, had to pee.

We came to a stop, the door opened and I was pulled from the floor of the van. My handcuffs and hood were removed. The military type masked dude motioned for me to enter the double doors that led into a building that looked a lot like an auditorium or school gymnasium. I glanced up, and there over the doors, in two foot high red letters, I read the following words; “Make America Great Again”. I went inside.

I went inside…

The very first thing I did was ask the nearest guy who looked like he may be in charge of something just because he happened to be wearing a red Make America Great Again hat where the bathrooms were. He responded by pointing to the left and saying “Over there libtard” and then go in and take a seat.

So, off I went to do my thing, wash my hands, and try to learn the lay of the land so to speak. There were several questions that came to mind right away. Who are these people? What do they want? When can I get some food? Is there beer? and more importantly, how do I get home?

The first thing I did was pull out my phone and see if I could get help. There was literally no signal, which could only mean that they had cell phone jammers operating and I would not be able to call for help. I turned my phone off to save the battery and walked out.

I was lead over to a long table and was told by on of the solder type dudes in camo to empty my pockets. I emptied my pockets, and they took my pocket knife, cash, change, and debit card. Obviously, this was so I couldn’t spend any cash while incarcerated in this black ops asylum. They handed my phone back saying how it won’t work here anyway. They then handed me my wallet that was liberated of all cash and my debit card as well. This was their first mistake.

I was lead into a small sized auditorium where there must have been a hundred or hundred fifty people seated. There were men and women, young and old, all of them were looking around and it was clear by the look of confusion on their faces that they arrived here under the same circumstances as I did.

As soon as I walked into the back of the auditorium the first thing I noticed was the 24 American flags across the back of the stage as a huge banner that said “Make America Great Again” There was a screen set up with an obviously hastily put together Power Point Presentation with the words “Resistance is Futile” and below that “How you can contribute to making America great again” .

As soon as I walked in, the red hat on stage pointed at me and said, “How kind of you to join us Tom Dye, The Safety Guy. Please, ladies and gentlemen, give a warm welcome to one of the number one members of your so-called resistance.

Everyone turned to look at me and of course still being in movie mode because this entire scenario was straight out of a bad Hollywood movie, I raised my left fist into the air and shouted, “Long Live The Fighters”.

Everyone turned as one and immediately stood up and applauded, most yelled back “Long Live The Fighters” basking in the glow of the admiration of those assembled, I took a bow and ceremoniously took my seat in the back row.

After the assembled crowd settled down, the red hat on the stage made an ominous warning, “Enjoy it while you can Safety Guy because when we finish your indoctrination, there won’t be any more resistance”  Of course I couldn’t help but say to this Trumpian idiot, “Whatever Dude, If that’s what you think, then please be my guest and fuck off”  Once again there was another round of applause. I was actually starting to enjoy myself.

Red hat proceeded to give us a 45-minute cheesy PowerPoint presentation on how we all were going to be indoctrinated into being Trump supporters and how none of us would be allowed to leave until we were, the resistance would be broken once and for all, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Frankly, I wasn’t really paying much attention.

We were then all herded into military style dormitories where the men and women were separated and each dormitory held maybe 50 people. It was by now late afternoon and we were told by the red hat guards to prepare for dinner in the mess hall in 30 minutes. This was fine by me as I was starving at this point.

At the appointed time we were all herded into this giant mess hall with long tables and a sort of serve yourself buffet of either taco bowls or McDonald’s food. Evidently, their thinking was eating Trump’s favourite foods would somehow break us down. Personally, I was more concerned about my cholesterol levels. We were to be served the same foods for every meal.

In between eating the next few days consisted of sleeping, being forced to work in the camps factory churning out Make America Great hats as well as making Ivanka Trump’s clothing and accessories, followed by being forced to watch Donald Trump speeches on this gigantic 10′ high by 20′ long screen with the volume at 11, for hours at a time.

My first job at the factory, I was to run an industrial embroidery machine and embroider the words “Make America Great Again” on these red Chinese made trucker hats. I purposely kept writing “Mak Merica Grate Again” every chance I got.

When one of the red hats would come over and yell at me, I would just claim that I was a poor speller and dyslexic at that. This was just another type of resistance for me. The red hats, they believed me and soon transferred me over to putting rivets in fake leather Ivanka Trump purses. Of course, I screwed this up as much as possible as well.

In between eating, sleeping and working in the factories, we were forced to all pile into the auditorium to watch Donald Trump speeches on this giant screen with the volume turned up to 11.

I always made sure that I got right up close to the screen in the very first row. This seemed to make the red hats very happy as they thought their indoctrination was working. But in reality, this was just my way of perfecting my Donald Trump impersonations as well as mentally playing connect the dots with Trump’s giant pores on the big screen.

Well, all good things come to an end. After three or four days, I grew bored with the factory work, as the Donald Trump TV marathon, not to mention the McDonald;s food or taco bowls every fucking day and night. I started plotting my escape.

Remember when I said that it was a mistake when they returned my wallet to me? well, that was because I carry a credit card sized stainless steel multi-tool stashed inside on of the pockets. This is what it looks like;

Credit card sized multi-tool

Well, I want to say it was a Saturday or Sunday night, I wasn’t sure because I was starting to lose track of the days when I decided that I had enough of this Trumpian nonsense. I decided that sometime after lights out, I was going to make my escape before it was too late,

It was pretty sad because I had already seen how many of my fellow resistance fighters were weak and had become Trump supporters because of the indoctrination. This was obvious because some of them were now wearing “Make America Great red hats.

This same phenom had already happened to some of my close friends who drank the Trump kool-aid, and were already solid believers in the Trump authoritarian doctrine. Well, I wasn’t about to let this happen to me, After all, I Am Tom Dye, The Safety Guy, and I am one of the leaders of the resistance.

Lights out was promptly at 11:00 PM sharp. I waited for my fellow dorm mates to all fall asleep. I knew I couldn’t take anyone with me because of informers and recent converts, I was all alone.

I waited maybe two hours until I was certain everyone was asleep. I got dressed and pulled out my trusty credit sized multi-tool from my wallet and went to work. You see there was a window right behind my bunk that had galvanised 1/2 inch hardware cloth placed over the window and screwed into place. There were 36 screws. I know because I counted them multiple times.

Using my trusty multi-tool, I meticulously started removing each and every screw until I could fold the wire back far enough for me to open the window. At one point I dropped one of the screws on the floor. The sound seemed so loud that I thought everyone would wake up, but miraculously, no one did.

Once I could get to the window, I opened it wide I grabbed my blanket and slithered out to the grounds outside.  The compound was dark, so I made really good time to the fence at the edge of the compound. The fence was an 8-foot high chain link fence with three strands of barbed wire across the top. I threw the folded blanket across the barbed wire and climbed the fence. I scrambled over the top, grabbed my blanket and off I went into the night.

I walked for what seemed like hours. Just as it was starting to get light, I came to one of those all-night diners and inquired as to exactly where I was. I found out that I was near Claremont Florida about 1.5 hours east of my house. Essentially, I was out in the middle of nowhere.

I kept on walking until I reach a main road heading East-West. I came across a homeless dude on the corner with whom I traded my blanket for his black sharpie and a piece of cardboard. We were both really happy with the trade.

It sun was just coming up. I took the sharpie and made a simple sign. The sign read, ” Trump Resistance Fighter! I need a ride to Brooksville”  The moment I stepped out onto the sidewalk and held up my sign, at least 17 – 20 cars immediately pulled over and offered me a ride. This almost caused a traffic jam with the amount of Trump resistance sympathisers pulling over to offer me a ride. It was incredible.

I jumped into the first car with a guy that said he would gladly take me all the way home. A little over an hour and a half later I was dropped off right in front of my house by a complete stranger who for the last hour and a half had lapped up my story in multi-part harmony like a person stranded in the desert who had just found an oasis with the only water for miles around.

And here I am, still posting my stories on FaceBook, Twitter and on here too. Obviously, the Trumpian brain-washers failed. I heard that when others heard about my plight they discovered that the Trumpian Internment Camp had been hastily abandoned, and upon further investigation, it was discovered that there was nobody there. I have heard rumours that everyone was moved to North Carolina. Although, I have no way of knowing this for sure.

As the late Paul Harvey used to say, “Now You Know The Rest Of The Story”.

 

As Always,

I Am…..

Tom Dye, The Safety Guy

 

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This article is an original satirical news commentary by Tom Dye, The Safety Guy.

Canadian Mint Employee Steals 22 Hunks Of Gold By Hiding Them In His Butt

Canadian Mint Employee Steals 22 Hunks Of Gold By Hiding Them In His Butt!

This is certainly not an original crime by any means. Stupid criminals have been hiding stolen loot in their butts since the beginning of time. Butt, this guy takes the cake for the sheer audacity he exhibited for his ass crime.

Let me introduce our ass clenching butt bandit, Mr. Leston Lawrence;

Leston Lawrence

Leston Lawrence worked for the Canadian mint in the refinery section for 7 years before being fired for his ass crimes in 2015.

The butt bandit set off a metal detector inside the fortress-like high-security Canadian Mint building 28 times in a span of 41 days, although gold was never found on his person. Now, you would think that Canadian Mint security employees would become suspicious of a person setting off metal detectors 28 times in a little over a month, but evidently not.

Not that I blame the Canadian Mint security team,  After all, who wants to intimately examine someone’s butt to find evidence of a potential crappy crime. not to mention the fact that each gold puck used at the Canadian Mint is approximately the size of a golf ball, (The standard sized golf ball is specified to be 1.68″ in diameter). Let that thought sink in for a moment. Canadian Mint security must have thought the exact same thing.

Believe it or not, it was not the intrepid security team at the Canadian Mint who ultimately busted the rectum ranger. Nope, it was an alert bank employee at a Royal Canadian Bank that ultimately sniffed out the butt bandit’s aspirations to become the asshole that got away with his rectum rampage.

The alert bank employee noticed that Mr. Lawrence was cashing a lot of checks from The Ottawa Gold Buyers in the Westgate Shopping Centre, for about $8,000 each. He would then deposit the cheques at the Royal Bank in the same mall.

This stupid ass didn’t even bother to even go to different branches of the bank to try to hide his ass crimes.

Let’s recap our story so far:

  •  Steals a several chunks of gold approximately 1.68″ in diameter, by sticking it up his ass. Check!
  • Pass through metal detectors while keeping sphincter tightly clenched. Check!
  • Remove said golf ball sized piece of gold from his ass. (I assume he washed it off at this point) Check!
  • Sell gold to Ottawa Gold buyers for $8,000.00, get paid by check.  Check!
  • Walk around the corner to his local bank branch, that was conveniently located in the same shopping center, and deposit checks from the Ottawa gold buyers. Check!
  • Repeat 20+ times.

The hyper-vigilant bank teller remembered making an especially large deposit for Mr. Lawrence in February 2015.  noticed on his account information was a Canadian Mint employee. and because he was essentially a blue-collar worker decided to alert bank security who smelled foul play, relayed their suspicions to  the Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP).

An investigation was opened and the butt bandit was put under surveillance and four stolen pucks were eventually recovered in his safety deposit box.

The investigation also lead to the discovery of Vaseline and latex gloves being found in Mr. Lawrance’s locker at the Canadian Mint.

As with things always do with stupid criminals, the butt bandit’s smelly crime spree came to an end.

Lesten Lawrence, also known as “Goldsphincter” by the media, the butt bandit or the rectum tanger, eventually went to trial and even more facts were uncovered. The Judge overseeing the trial, The Honorable Peter Doody (Yes, that was the Judge’s actual name) determined that a 30-month prison sentence term was appropriate to deter others from attempting similar crimes.

It was revealed in court that the butt bandit was arranging to have a home built in Jamaica and had sent about $33,000 to a contractor in the Caribbean. He had also invested about $34,000 in a commercial fishing boat in Florida. Another $9,500 was wired out of the country to himself and a Marvin Lawrence, while $42,000 was withdrawn as cash.

The funny things is it was revealed that The Mint, in fact, never knew the gold was missing, and its internal security system was called “appalling” in open court.

The Judge, Peter Doody also ordered the rectum ranger to repay $190,000.00 in restitution or face additional jail time.

It is unclear how the but bandit will be able to pay $190,000.00 in restitution while behind bars.

 

Al Always,

I Am…

Tom Dye, The Safety Guy

 

This article is satire and a news commentary based on actual events by Tom Dye, The Safety Guy. 

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Florida Man Claims His Pants Took Off Running By Themselves

Florida Man Claims His Pants Took Off Running By Themselves!

Meet 52-year old, Charles William Raulerson of Pensacola, Florida.

Charles William Raulerson

Escambia County Sheriff’s Office in Pensacola, Florida received a call last Sunday regarding a naked man at the carwash. Upon arriving at the scene Deputies saw a pantsless man standing by his car with music blaring from his vehicle. Nothing unusual here, after all, this is Florida, so at first glance, this was just another day for law enforcement.

Deputies asked Mr. Raulerson to put on his pants. You would think that this was a perfectly reasonable request and in most cases, it would have been. This was not one of those times.

You see, this was one of those strange but true cases that fall well into the category of the unexplained.

Mr. Raulerson explained that he could not comply with their perfectly reasonable request, because as he explained, “They took off running by themselves without me.”

Of, course the Sheriff’s Deputies did not believe him, and that was to be expected. You see my friends, Law Enforcement is not privy to the more esoteric knowledge that I as Tom Dye, The Safety Guy possess including; Possessed Pants Syndrome (PPS). If the Sheriff’s Deputies would have done a little more digging into the situation they would have uncovered the eyewitness to this bizarre encounter. I did some extensive digging and actually found the eyewitness to Charles Raulerson’s bizarre encounter on that fateful day.

If the Sheriff’s Deputies would have done a little more digging into the situation they would have uncovered the eyewitness to this bizarre encounter. I did some extensive digging and actually found the eyewitness to Charles Raulerson’s bizarre encounter on that fateful day.

For the first time, the actual first-hand account of what actually happened is being reported by Profound Revelations.

The eyewitness who is still traumatized by the entire incident is speaking out exclusively to me, Tom Dye, The Safety Guy. What follows is the actual first-hand account of what he personally witnessed. To protect his privacy, I will refer to him only as; Mr. Smith. His real name is being withheld to protect his privacy and his sanity.

According to Mr. Smith, it was about 5:40 AM, last Sunday, when he arrived at the carwash to wash his car when he saw a strange and unexpected event that literally challenged his entire view of reality.

Mr. Smith arrived at the carwash early to get his car washed and complete his other errands complete before the big game last Sunday.

Per Mr. Smith’s first-hand account, it was still dark, but the parking lot was well lit. Mr. Smith relates how he saw Mr. Raulerson exit his vehicle in the parking lot and suddenly started acting strange. He further stated that it wasn’t Mr. Raulerson per say way not acting strange, it was as if he suddenly became a martinet on a string.

Suddenly Mr. Raulerson was seen what could only be described as a combination of jumping and goose-stepping around his vehicle. He seemed that he was not in control of the lower half of his own body. Mr. Raulseron was observed swatting at his pants and screaming in terror.

He jumped and goose-stepped around his car two or three times and suddenly seemed to be flung to the ground. His shoes were suddenly flung off, one in one direction, and the other in another. His pants, described as denim jeans by Mr. Smith, unbuttoned themselves, unzipped on their own accord, and quickly slithered all the way down the legs of the terrified Mr. Raulsrson.

According to Mr. Smith, the pants suddenly stood tall and took off running. The humanless pants bolted for the carwash and ran back and forth through the carwash right past him, three or four times before suddenly running full speed through the car wash one last time, and bolted full speed down the street before turning onto a side street and disappearing around the corner. The entire bizarre encounter lasted less than two minutes.

Obviously, this is not normal behavior for your average pants. Mr. Smith stated that he was so stunned that he actually stood there frozen in disbelief,  and doing so, wasted $2.50 in quarters because he just stood there letting his time run out, mouth open, trying to reconcile what he had just witnessed first hand with the reality that he has always known.

About then, the Sheriff’s Deputies arrived and asked Mr. Raulerson to put on his pants. Mr Raulserson then explained in detail how his pants suddenly took off running without him.

The Sheriff Deputies blissfully ignorant of Possessed Pants Syndrome (PPS) were not buying his story on how his pants somehow defied the laws of physics and ran away all by themselves, asked him to then sit in his car. Frustrated that the Deputies were so ignorant and unsympathetic to his predicament Mr. Raulerson then threatened the Sheriff’s Deputies with a screwdriver.

Mr. Raulerson was tasered and immediately arrested. His pants were never found.

Charles Raulerson is not the first unlucky sap to be caught without pants. Possessed Pants Syndrome (PPS) strikes randomly and without warning. Nobody knows why, or even where the pants go after they run off, as they are never apprehended while on the run.

Some theories suggest that somehow possessed pants end up at thrift stores. Whether they ran there by themselves or were dropped off by some unsuspecting person isn’t clear. The only thing that is certain is that they lay in wait for another unsuspecting person to buy them, and run off once again. There is some evidence to suggest that the hot spot for Possessed Pants Syndrome is in Florida, although this is still unconfirmed.

If any of my readers have ever experienced Possessed Pants Syndrome or have any further insights on how, or why this happens, please leave a comment and your contact information so we can try to get to the bottom of this once and for all.

 

As Always,

I Am….

Tom Dye, The Safety Guy.

 

This article is satire and news commentary based on actual events. The original source material can be found here

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The Complete Guide On How To Create Your Own Alternative Facts For Fun & Profit

The Complete Guide On How To Create Your Own Alternative Facts For Fun & Profit

This tutorial will have you on way creating your own “Alternative Facts” in no time, and never be accused of lying again.

Part One – The History of Alternative Facts

The term “alternative facts” was first coined by Kellyanne Conway, President Trump’s Counselor to the President on NBC’s, Meet The Press with Chuck Todd.

Kellyanne Conway

After being grilled by Chuck Todd on Trump’s Press Secretary lying about the size of the inauguration crowd. Spicer, and Trump insisted on Saturday that the crowds were the biggest ever and, even commented that the crowds went all the way back to the Washington Monument.

Spicer went on to claim that this was the biggest audience to ever witness an inauguration – Period – both in person and around the globe. These statements, as well as many others, caused a huge uproar with the media. 

The problem was, these statements were demonstrably false, as well as easily verifiable. The evidence was clear not only from photographs taken during the inauguration but D.C. Metro ride numbers as well.Most of Spicers, other statements were blatantly false as well. 

Nothing special about that right? Enter Kellyanne Conway, the creator of the alternative facts narrative. Conway was a guest on Meet The Press with Chuck Todd on January 22, 2016. This was the moment that the alternative facts narrative was born.

Conway skillfully used every tool in her arsenal and successfully deflected every single question while creating an entirely new narrative or alternate facts to support her case.

These are the skills and techniques that you are going to learn in this complete guide to creating successful alternative facts that you can use for not only fun but profit as well. I strongly suggest that you pay close attention to the master at work.

As you noticed, as Chuck Todd accused Kellyanne Conway of lying, Conway fired back, deflected every question and finally ended with a veiled threat against the media and stated that Spicer was just giving “Alternative Facts” in regards to the crowd size.This was genius.

Part Two – What Are Alternative Facts?

In order for you to use “Alternative Facts” correctly and with conviction you need to understand the word definitions.

According to the dictionary, the words can be defined as:

Alternativea choice limited to one of two or more possibilities

Facts – a truth known by actual experience or observation; something known to be true

You see, you now we have a way to not let those pesky facts get in the way of your own reality. This guide will teach you how to create your own”Alternative Facts” and never be accused of lying again.

Part Three – How to use Alternative Facts to your advantage in your personal and work life.

There are certain key rules for “Alternative Facts” that must be adhered to in order for you to successfully create your own fact-free reality:

  1. No matter what the actual facts are, whether it be video, audio recordings, historical records or even what others can actually see or hear for themselves, once you claim “Alternative Facts” you can never, ever walk back on your alternative fact claims, not now, not ever. Doing so would severely damage your credibility.
  2. Repetition is critically important, I can’t stress this enough. The more you repeat your alternative facts, the more they intrude into the reality of others. Eventually, your alternative facts are everyone else’s facts as well.
  3. If anyone, ever challenges you on your alternative facts whether it is the media, coworkers, friends, family, etc. IMMEDIATELY GO ON THE ATTACK! Accuse them of bias, disrespect, ignorance; threaten retaliation, whatever it takes. Deflect every question they ask no matter how reasonable or rational it may be. Do not listen! Shut down the person challenging your alternative facts, and walk away.  Mock outrage is also an extremely useful deflective tool; however, it is also extremely difficult to master.
  4. Find others who agree with your alternative facts. It is always easier in the alternative universe when others agree with you and who are willing to back you up. As the old adage goes, there is safety in numbers. The internet and especially Facebook, can be quite useful in recruiting like-minded allies. Use these allies to your advantage. Note: It is always important to remember, that if you can adjust your alternative facts narrative closer to conspiracy theory territory, you will maximize your alternative fact believer, which of course creates maximum impact as well as mass credibility.
  5. Always remember that you have to absolutely believe that you are right and everybody else is wrong. That is unless they agree with you of course.
  6. Practice. Practice, Practice. I highly recommend that you watch Donald Trump and Kellyanne Conway in action. There is lots of video of both of them in action. Attacking, deflecting and of course their judicious use of alternative facts.

For those of you willing to practice advanced deflection techniques such as mock outrage, I highly recommend Marco Rubio or Ted Cruz videos from the 2016 Republican debates. Just be forewarned Ted Cruz is a master at mock outrage and very few others have the ability to rise to his level of ability.  

Note: I would begin first with Marco Rubio videos as he is at an intermediate skill level for mock outrage. if you master that then move up to the Ted Cruze master class mock outrage.

Part Four – What Alternative Facts are not.

I have been asked by several people, “Isn’t “Plausible Deniability” the same as Alternative Facts?

That’s a very good question and the simple answer is no. Plausible deniability is an entirely different tool altogether. However, in some extremely advanced uses, both may be used together to spin a plausible narrative.

Per Wikipedia, Plausible Deniability is defined as:

The ability for persons (typically senior officials in a formal or informal chain of command) to deny knowledge of or responsibility for any damnable actions committed by others (usually subordinates in an organizational hierarchy) because of a lack of evidence that can confirm their participation, even if they were personally involved in or at least willfully ignorant of the actions. In the case that illegal or otherwise disreputable and unpopular activities become public, high-ranking officials may deny any awareness of such acts in order to insulate themselves and shift blame onto the agents who carried out the acts, as they are confident that their doubters will be unable to prove otherwise. The lack of evidence to the contrary ostensibly makes the denial plausible, that is, credible, although sometimes it merely makes it unactionable. The term typically implies forethought, such as intentionally setting up the conditions to plausibly avoid responsibility for one’s (future) actions or knowledge. In some organizations, legal doctrines such as command responsibility exist to hold major parties responsible for the actions of subordinates involved in heinous acts and nullify any legal protection that their denial of involvement would carry”

As you can clearly see, Plausible Deniability is a very important tool, especially if you are a politician, career civil servant, diplomat, high-ranking member of the military, or high-level corporate executive. This is also a very advanced tool to use, and if used correctly, nobody knows or suspects that it was ever used at all.

By itself, Plausible Deniability is a somewhat limited purpose tool. However, those who are expert at both, alternative facts and plausible deniability, are extremely successful in their fields of expertise.

You are far better off just sticking to alternative facts as it’s a far more useful multi-purpose tool that you can use every day and get great results.

 

As Always

I Am…..

Tom Dye, The Safety Guy

This news commentary is an original work of satire by Tom Dye, The Safety Guy

Yes, Beer Yoga, REALLY Is A Thing!

Yes, Beer Yoga, REALLY Is A Thing!

and, I’m all in.

The geniuses at Germany’s, Bier Yoga (On FaceBook @bieryoga) seem to have started this trend over a year ago. Why didn’t anybody friggin bring this to my attention sooner? Jhula over at @bieryoga is my new hero. It’s no surprise that Beer Yoga is taking the world by storm.

Beer Yoga from @bieryoga

Beer is one thing I know about. I consider myself a professional beer aficionado.  I don’t mean the horrible King of Beers, The Champagne of Beer or even beer brewed with Rocky Mountain Spring Water. I am talking about real beer, mirco-brews, brew pubs, Sam Adams, Carlsburg, Guiness, etc. essentially beers with body and flavor. Obviously, this is how it should be.

Don’t get be wrong. I am not advocating excessive beer drinking at all. However, a nice cold beer or two after a grueling day at work is certainly appropriate.

I do have extensive experience with fine beers that are certainly related to Yoga. Deep breathing a fine aroma of a fine beer for starters. I am even fairly expert at both 12-ounce as well as 16-ounce curls. I have even proven proficient at 64-ounce “growler” curls as well.

Yoga, on the other hand, not so much. You see, I have never been very flexible. I mean not now, not ever in my life. When I watch Yoga all I can see is pain, and a severe risk if falling down. This actually makes me feel pretty inadequate.

On the other hand, after a couple of beers, I feel enough courage that I could give Yoga a shot, and maybe even be semi-successful. Like I sad, Beer and Yoga is a genius combination, and I for one, I am fully prepared to pursue it to the fullest and strive to become an expert at Beer Yoga. I mean why not? For just once in my life I want to be on the cutting edge of something, instead of a Johnny come lately.

I have already instructed my retirement advisors to liquidate my retirement so I can start a new Beer and Yoga pub to be called, Yogi Beera’s Beer & Yoga Pub. As we speak, I am currently interviewing and hiring the best Beer Yoga instructors and bartenders from all over the country. I envision that Yogi Beera’s Beer & Yoga Pub will feature 58 beers on tap as well as plenty of open space for the new Beer Yoga craze.

Once Yogi Beera’s Beer & Yoga Pub is up and running, I will begin selling franchise opportunities all across America.

Beer Yoga Photo from @bieryoga

Do you think @bieryoga’s Jhula is available? I think I need some personalized instruction in Beer Yoga as soon as possible.

Who knows this could be the next big thing. After all, the guy who invented the Pet Rock, made millions in the early 1970’s because he had vision. I believe that I can see quite clearly now.

I am definitely going to spring for the extra thick yoga mats.

 

As Always,

I Am…..

Tom Dye, The Safety Guy

 

This is an original article of news satire by Tom Dye, The Safety Guy.