PROFOUND REVELATIONS

Stolen Train Crashes Into Apartment Building!  Seriously? A cleaning woman, whose only job. was to clean the trains, stole an empty, four car commuter train, from a train depot in Sweden. She drove the train about a mile, to the suburbs of Stockholm. Of course, you already know, this could only end very, very, badly. This cleaning woman, (maybe she was a wannabe, Junior Train Engineer) crashed the train into an apartment building. No one was killed, but the poor train stealing, cleaning woman, was seriously injured.

For some reason, the original story made a big point of stating, that the woman was born in 1990. I am not sure what the significance of her being born in 1990 is, but evidently, it must be important. Is there something special about people born in 1990? Or does this only apply to Swedish women, born in this particular year? This probably requires, a lot more in depth research. This sounds exactly like something the conspiracy theorist’s should be looking into.

Thank God, for once, this story did not take place in the State of Florida. It seems that the most bizarre stories you have ever heard of, almost always seem to take place in Florida. I believe this is due to a combination of; The extreme heat, 100% humidity, as well as, some sort of psychosis inducing chemicals, in the water supply. Obviously, I don’t drink the water.

Back to the train stealing, cleaning woman, born in 1990. This story provokes a lot of questions.

One of the questions that immediately came to mind, is how exactly did a Swedish cleaning woman, born in 1990, steal a commuter train? Did someone inadvertently leave the keys in the ignition? If so, it would seem to me, to be an invitation for anybody, to steal the train, or at the very least, take it out for a little joy ride.

You don’t ever leave your keys in your car’s ignition, so why would you leave the keys in a train? Maybe the train Engineer, left the keys on top of the sun visor, or under the seat. I have seen that scenario, in several movies, over the years.

Do you think it’s possible that the cleaning woman hot wired the ignition?  I have no idea how a train’s ignition is wired, but I assume that it must be similar to an automobile. Have you ever seen those movies where someone steals a car, by reaching up under the dashboard, ripping out a bunch of wires, connecting some of them together, and shorting out a couple of others for a second, and the car magically starts right up. You do knowwhat I’m talking about right?
I wonder, could a train be stolen the same way? If so, how is it that a cleaning woman had the skills to hotwire a train? Maybe, she learned how to do it by watching one of those do it yourself videos on YouTube.

Why would anyone even bother to steal a train anyway? Where exactly are you going to go with it? Your options are, forward or reverse. You are severely limited to which direction the tracks lead to.  It’s not like you could; evade the Police in heavy traffic, hide the train in a garage, the woods, or even some dark alleyway. So, it’s highly unlikely that someone could just swap license plates either, and nobody would ever be the wiser.

I am pretty certain that if I were a Police Officer, and received a call about a stolen train, I would just simply follow the train tracks, until I spotted it. I think I would notice it, even if it was currently partially hidden inside somebody’s living room. I don’t believe it would take me very long to find it, apprehend the suspect, snap a few pictures, take some fingerprints, fill out a stupid amount of departmental paperwork, and still be done in plenty of time for lunch.

Well, the more I think about it, stopping a moving train may be just a little bit challenging. Using standard, Police issue “stop sticks” would not be effective at all, as trains don’t get flat tires, as a matter of fact , did you know, trains don’t even have tires. I am still pretty sure that I could figure something out. Either way, I would still be done, long before lunchtime.

I am sure that by now, you are asking yourselves the obvious question…..What the f*ck, was an apartment building doing on the train tracks? Exactly! That is the very first question I asked myself. Well, I have all the answers. Grab a drink, sit down, put your feet up, and relax. We are going to explore the most absurd aspect of this entire story, right now.

First of all, I don’t know about Sweden, but, let me say that, in the United States, and even in, the great weird State of Florida, we don’t ever build houses, apartments, or office buildings, on top of railroad tracks. I am pretty sure that there is a law against this sort of thing. This dates back to the old adage; “If you build it, they will come”. In this case if you build an apartment building on the railroad tracks, a train will come.  I do know, that it would really suck, if a huge train ended up in your living room, garage, lobby, or anywhere else, in your home, or office, for that matter.

Since I am, Tom Dye, the Safety Guy, I am also extra careful while crossing even old, and abandoned looking railroad tracks. I always slow down, and look both ways. Some of my associates think I am being a little too cautious. But, after reading this story, I feel absolutely vindicated. Obviously, it is possible for some cleaning lady, or apparently, anyone else born in 1990, to steal a train, and wreck total havoc.

Seriously, you really don’t have any excuse for getting hit by a train. You either weren’t paying any attention, which by itself, is pretty scary,  but by being so distracted, you failed to notice a ginormous train, heading right towards you, I think you shouldn’t be driving at all. This is kind of like walking directly into the side of a multistory building, and then exclaiming that, you didn’t even see the building. Maybe you shouldn’t be out walking either.

If that happened to me, and I somehow survived, I would be seriously embarrassed. Besides, a Judge would most likely take away my drivers license, just for being an idiot. I can just imagine how every time I walked out my front door, several TV news crews would be camped out on the lawn, just waiting for me. They would certainly bring their super bright television lights, and would be shouting questions at me like: Hey! Tom Dye, The Safety Guy, how does it feel to be a convicted idiot? Seriously, I really don’t think that I could deal with that.

OK, so what are the main points we can take away from this story?

1. Always keep trains locked and secured. The keys should always be stored in a safeandsecure location.
2. Do not ever allow a cleaning woman born in 1990, or quite possibly, anyone else born that same year, anywhere near a  train, especially unsupervised.
3. Do not build an apartment building on the railroad tracks. (Or, at the very least, do not build an apartment building so close to railroad tracks, that if a train derailed, it would end up in your living room).

Important Safety Tip: Always remember, Things can turn to sh!t at any moment, and just as importantly, Expect the unexpected.

As always, 

I am…

Tom Dye, The Safety Guy