PROFOUND REVELATIONS

One Sided Towels, I Just Don’t Understand Them!

We have a bunch of one sided towels. You know, towels like you wash your face, hands, and body with. Yes, in our household we have a variety of sizes and colors. What I mean is these are really poor imitations of real cotton terry cloth towels, except one side is the normal cotton terry type material and the opposite side is smooth.

My spouse is always extolling the virtues of these particular towels. She really likes them and to an extent I can kind of see her point. Her argument is they are expensive (at least more expensive than normal towels) and they are Italian made, the colors are nice, and they have really nice embossed designs on the smooth side. Granted, she is correct about one thing, the regular side is very absorbent. However, my issue is not with any of the above. Let’s face it, the towel only has one usable side.

Maybe I’m just old school. Maybe, I just like variety in my towels, maybe I might like to use the other side or not, but at least the option is there. I’m just going to say it outright; towels should be two-sided like they always were for years and years.

Two sided towels, on the other hand, have very useful properties. The first and most important one that comes to mind is the “cover-up”. Most guys out there are going to know exactly what I’m talking about here.

For an example, I must be some kind of dirt magnet. I can carefully wash my hands, Yes, with soap and water. Somehow, without fail as soon as I touch the towel, BAM! the towel turns black with dirt.

Understandably, a towel that is black with dirt, and whatever else comes off of me, does not make my spouse very happy. I usually try to blame it on the dog, but she doesn’t buy it.

Now, with two-sided towels, you can just fold it the other way and no one is the wiser. Thus, the cover-up. With one-sided towels, the cover up is just not possible.

Let’s look at the economics of towels, aren’t we really only getting half of what we paid for? Seriously, I think this just a marketing ploy to get us to pay more for half the absorbency. Maybe some factory had a bunch of defective terry cloth that only had only one side, and figured out a way to unload it on the rest of us. After all, with a good marketing plan they can make us believe that we just can’t live without one-sided towels.

Or maybe, GOD FORBID, we are slowly losing the technology to manufacture two-sided towels. Now that’s truly a horrifying thought. Mankind has been perfecting the technology for the perfect fluffy, somewhat scratchy two sided towel for centuries. Now we may just be on the verge of losing everything.

I think just to be on the safe side, I am going to keep all my old ragged two-sided towels just in case. I even repossessed the old towels that we only used to wash the dog. I swapped them out with some of the one-sided towels.

You can laugh now, but when you can’t get your regular old-fashioned two-sided towels anymore I will be sitting on a very valuable commodity, and we all know how supply and demand works don’t we?

Before this whole thing gets out of hand we need to rise up and prevent one-sided towels from spreading like the cancer they are and don’t be fooled, one-sided towels are a cancer that needs to be eradicated from the face of the earth before it’s too late.

Start a petition drive, write your politicians, boycott the stores that sell one-sided towels. I implore you, STOP BUYING THEM RIGHT NOW! before it’s too late, and our regular, old-fashioned, somewhat scratchy, extra absorbent, two-sided towels go the way of the dinosaurs.

Are you with me?

As always,