PROFOUND REVELATIONS

Man Banned From All The Libraries On The Face Of The Earth

This guy was actually banned from “all the libraries on the face of the earth. WOW! banished to a life of illiteracy forever. This guy seriously f–ked up.

Surprisingly, this incident did not happen in the great weird State of Florida. This actually happened in the State of Wisconsin. Nice try Wisconsin, you have a long way to go to catch up with Florida.This guy decided to stand right out in the open in the library and masturbate  Yes, you heard me right, he was masturbating right there in the middle of the library. Seriously, He wasn’t even trying to hide it or anything. He just dropped his drawers and started j–king off right there, in the middle of the library.

Yes, you heard me right, he was masturbating right there in the middle of the library. Seriously, He wasn’t even trying to hide it or anything. He just dropped his drawers and started j–king off right there, in the middle of the library.

Typical Library

So, now our library masturbator is; by court order, banned from “all the libraries on the face of the earth”. Wow!!! this is a serious punishment. Especially since you know that book stores, Amazon.com, etc. are also going to follow suit, The next thing you know his local newspaper is going to stop delivery as well. This poor schmuck is doomed to a life without reading materials for as long as he lives. Talk about forced illiteracy.

Sure, he can still buy second-hand books and magazines at the grocery store or thrift shops, but it is not the same as  brand new periodicals, untouched by human hands, with that nice new book smell to it.

You know what I was wondering? Do you think when the librarians noticed this halfwit masturbating right there in the middle of the library, do you think they used that exaggerated stage whisper thing to tell him to stop? You know what I mean right? Maybe it went something like this;

Pssst, Pssst, you there! Yeah, you wanker! Put it away right now and get out. There are people trying to read you pervert. Get out right now, I am calling the Cops. (Note: The small print represents the hushed conversation.)

Just imagine the hell that this guy is going to have to live through for now for the rest of his life. I am not just talking about the humiliation of being arrested for masturbating right in the middle of the library, for no apparent reason. The extensive media coverage alone for doing something so incredibly stupid is enough to mark him as a literary pervert for life. After all, that’s how I got wind of it, to write about it, because it was extensively covered by the media.

This guy is now banned from every library on earth for life. Seriously, it doesn’t get any worse than this. This dumba-s is not allowed inside any libraries, bookstores, news-stands, or anywhere else where publications are sold.

I don’t know about you, but I am not a big fan of Libraries anyway and this incident just reinforces my belief that a lot of those old books have been handled by people who don’t wash their hands after using the bathroom, or in this guy’s case after masturbating, Ewww.

This reminds me of that one weird dude at work who takes his papers, reports, etc. into the bathroom with them and then want’s you to take those same papers and read them. I think not my friends, you never know what they may be infected with after that little trip.

This poor halfwit is going to be f–ked in more ways as well. Restaurants and related establishments are not going to let this moron touch their menus either. Seriously, after all, the bad press this guy has received, nobody with any type of printed materials is going to let this dude anywhere near them. I highly doubt that they will even serve him at all. Let’s not even go there and start talking about shaking hands with this moron. Enough said right?

This reminds me of my fiancee, Victoria, and her steadfast refusal, to let me even think about touching any of those two or three-year-old magazines, you always see in the waiting room of the Doctor’s office. Her theory is, hundreds of sick people have thumbed through those pages prior to you.

You know what? I hate to admit it, but, she is exactly right. However, I am not overly concerned though, as she is always squirting alcohol based hand sanitizer into my hands, whenever I touch anything. I am pretty sure she has a lifetime supply right there in her purse. Trust me she never, ever, runs out. Hey, Better safe then sorry.

I would not be surprised at all, if this dumba-s public library masturbator descends slowly into madness from only having access to yesterdays newspapers and paperback books he may be able to scavenge from his neighbors trash on garbage day.

Think about it? Would you want to touch any reading material that this dude handled at anytime? I don’t know about you, but I am sticking with brand new books, magazines or whatever and I am definitely going to look into getting more digital media.

I am pretty sure that nobody would be able to masturbate to my digital downloads.

Don’t be alarmed my friends, I can assure you that, Profound Revelations – Tales of the Absurd is free from any sort of previously masturbated upon pages and is certified to be sanitized prior to your reading it.