PROFOUND REVELATIONS

I don’t know why our friends the Dolphins are turning on us now. Maybe it’s because of the effects of the tremendous amount of radiation released during the Fukushima Daiichi nuclear plant disaster, maybe it’s because we are polluting the oceans to the point where the Dolphins won’t put up with it anymore, maybe their sick and tired of their relatives being held against their will at Sea Worlds and other zoos and aquariums around the world. Maybe it’s a combination of all these things, or something else all together.

What I do know is some f–king morons have trained Dolphins to kill with modern weapons including guns and knives. Now three of these killers have escaped their enclosure and are missing.Three highly trained killer Dolphins armed with guns and knives are roaming free, who knows where and are looking for revenge. These killers were trained how to kill human beings by some dumba-s human beings. The hunters have now become the hunted.Since we know a lot about Dolphins, or at least we think we do, we can try using the SWAG theory (Scientific Wild Ass Guess), to determine what these three killers might do next.First, we know that these three killer Dolphins are all males. The very first thing they are going to do is go get laid. This is a given as every-time a male Dolphin sees a female Dolphin they only have one thing on their mind, and that’s, Lets party!Of course, I know that this is not going to tell us where they went. But, we do know it will slow them down wherever they are going. Dolphins are very social creatures. We can safely assume that they will find a pod to join. This is where the the danger lies.Hopefully, they will not be able to locate one of the “super pods” of a few hundred Dolphins. With luck they will first run into a nearby “standard pod” of 9-12 Dolphins. We already know that they are killers and they are out for revenge. Frankly, I don’t blame them. The Ukrainians kept them in a small area and fed them dead fish. Dolphins naturally hunt and kill their own food, that is, when they are not torturing it or killing just for fun. Dolphinsin the wild rarely eat anything thats already dead.

As soon as these killer Dolphins reach another pod they are going to teach them how to kill humans as well. They are going to explain to their pod mates all about the mistreatment they suffered at the hands of the Ukrainians, and the most scary part of all is they are going to show this new pod how to kill using sophisticated weapons.

This pod armed with their new found knowledge will run into another pod, and so on, and so on, until all the dolphins, in all the oceans, will have this same tribal knowledge of mistreatment by the hands of humans, and they will all know how to kill humans using advanced weaponry. I estimate it will be somewhere around 90 – 120 days before this is complete. Then mark my words the horror will begin!

It will start gradually as all the worlds Dolphins turn into killer Dolphins. First,There will be more people reported missing at sea, small boats washing ashore, or found adrift with no occupants.

Then the bodies will start washing ashore in various areas of the world. No, they won’t be eaten, as Dolphins don’t eat humans. The bodies will have bruises, bite marks and broken backs , and other obvious signs of torture. Just imagine the horror these poor souls endured as they were tortured to death, and killed, by entire pods of killer Dolphins.

Breaking news: It may have already started. There was a naked body that washed ashore on Miami Beach, Florida, early Thursday morning, 03-14-2013. We have to wait to see what the Medical Examiner has to say about the cause of death.

This is only the beginning. Next there will be lots of bodies and empty small boats drifting ashore. The worlds beaches will close when the killer Dolphins start attacking and killing swimmers and surfers close to shore. Entire countries economies will start to crumble and supplies of ocean fish will dwindle dramatically. Ocean fish prices will spike to unheard of levels when fishermen refuse to go out to sea to fish, for fear of their lives.

Sure, the Navy’s of the super powers around the world will attempt to hunt and kill Dolphins, but it won’t be enough. The damage will already be done and the killer Dolphins will just hide from the warships and continuing killing at their leisure.

Next, there will be political uprisings, starting in the Ukraine. Remember, it was the Ukrainian Navy who first taught the Dolphins how to kill humans.

It’s human nature to place blame, in this scenario there is certainly blame to go around.. I can just imagine an uprising similar to the “Arab Spring” that swept through Egypt, Tunisia, and Libya sweeping through Eastern Europe and possibly even Russia.

All this because some dumba–es in the Ukrainian Navy decided to mess with the natural order of things. Dolphins are highly intelligent creatures and learn very quickly. They are also very dangerous mammals. They should have never, ever been taught to kill humans under any circumstances. Even though the headline describes Dolphins trained to use guns and knives, I am still trying to figure out exactly how they would pull that off.

Maybe, just maybe, the planet will be lucky and as soon as the killer Dolphins party with some female Dolphins, they will just wander back home, tired and hungry We can only hope that we are that lucky. As for me, I am still going to stay out of the water at the beach just to be safe, maybe you should too.