Stripper Turned Ministry Leader: Homosexuality Caused By Sex With Demons. Strippers for Jesus, Hallelujah,  Really!!!

The only thing that I could imagine, that could be causing these bizarre hallucinations are toxic chemicals leaching from her over sized, stripper, breast implants. Obviously, this stripper turned Minister had her, come to Jesus moments, brought on by toxic chemicals leaking from her breast implants, constantly leaching into her blood stream, and shorting out the pre-frontal cortex of her brain, thus, causing a severe psychotic break with reality..

Her next chemical infused psychotic visions became even more crystal clear….

Que; The Voice of God, trumpets sounding, hoards of angels, bright light and lots of fluffy clouds.

Homosexuality is caused by having sex with demons.

Sex with demons causes homosexuality??? are you f–king kidding me?

Just for full disclosure, I am not a homosexual myself. I have however, known, and do know, several homosexuals, (not that there is anything wrong with that), and I can assure you none of them seem like the type to have sex with demons.

Even with my very liberal attitude towards all people, I think anyone that would have sex with demons would be a major red-line issue for me. Certainly, I would never associate with people who have sex with demons. Have you ever seen a demon?
I have, and they are pretty damn ugly. Well, here’s picture of a typical Demon.

 
Demon

Really! Who’s going to have sex with this ugly a– thing? Not even another Demon, would have sex with a Demon. Hell, believe it or not, this guy is actually one of the better looking Demons.

Mostly,  all the Gays and Lesbians that I know, are highly intelligent, funny, articulate, artistic, fashion conscious, and well educated. They wouldn’t sleep with a Demon ever, no matter what. This Stripper turned Minister even quoted the Bible; Matthew 12:44, which speaks of when a demon is cast out and then looks to return, but finds the house is clean, swept and in order.

This passage alone should be a dead giveaway. Virtually every gay and lesbian that I have ever known, have the neatest, cleanest, most tastefully decorated homes, that I have ever seen. So obviously, this entire notion that homosexuality being caused by having sex with Demons is totally absurd.

She claims herself that she was once possessed by sexual demons, specifically, a Succubus. A Succubus is a female sexual demon that only assaults men. According to her, this Succubus actually made her contemplate becoming a lesbian. According to religious doctrine a Succubus only appears in your dreams. This must have been the original mind f–ck.

Apparently, she did not have an explanation for why a Succubus, that only attacks men would attack her. Why would this Succubus make her contemplate being a lesbian? This makes no sense. Think about it, Did I mention she wrote a book? This is nothing more then an ill conceived story to convince weak minded people to buy her book.

For those of you who don’t know, an Incubus is the male version of this particular demon. I believe that the only way you can tell them apart is, a Succubus has very large fake stripper boobs.

Also, Religious traditions hold that repeated intercourse with a succubus may result in the deterioration of health or even death. Hmm. Unless I missed something, there is nothing there, about about turning it’s victims into homosexuals.

Now, here’s what I think. I think that the Stripper turned Minister, with the leaky toxic breast implants, is being manipulated by a Demon into believing that she is a Minister. This explanation most accurately fits the facts as we know them. This delusional behavior is far more typical  for those possessed by Demons.

Demons often make their victims believe themselves to be something they are not. From a Demon’s point of view, making a Stripper believe that she is a Minister, would be pretty damned funny.

Or it could be a more scientific explanation. In the field of medicine, there is some belief that the stories relating to encounters with succubus bear similar resemblance to the contemporary phenomenon of people reporting alien abductions.  This phenomenon has been ascribed to a condition called sleep paralysis.

Sleep paralysis? That’s absurd. I am sticking with the demon manipulating the toxic chemicals from her leaky over sized stripper breast implants to turn this stripper into a Minister, just for fun scenario.  This is the only explanation that actually makes any sense.

Final Thoughts….This woman’s story is nothing more then thinly veiled fear, hatred, bigotry, and homophobia wrapped in the cloak of religion to gain respectability. Interesting how she is promoting a new book. Simple research, online, reveals all the holes, and factual falsehoods, in her story.  My version of events, is equally just as plausible. Both versions of events are equally absurd. I guess you will just have to take it on faith, as to which version is real.

Anyone who twists religious doctrine to suit their own twisted version of reality, is not a ministry leader at all. These individuals, are the exact types, that standard religious doctrine warns about.

This is not an isolated case. She joins a large despicable group. If you watch the NEWS you may be aware of the hateful minister in Gainesville, Florida, as well as the religious hate group based in Topeka, Kansas. There are many, many more. All hate, all the time, all brought to you, in the name of God.

I don’t have to be religious, to understand that fear, bigotry, hatred, intolerance, and homophobia, have no place in civilized society. If we could all just love, accept, and embrace our differences as individuals, we could all live in peace and harmony as a society. After all, we are all just human beings, living together on a very small rock, that we all call home.

OK, enough serious sh-t. After all, this is satire.

Important Safety Tip: If you, or anyone else you know, has great big stripper implants that may be leaking, please see a physician immediately.

As always,

I am…

Tom Dye, The Safety Guy

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