DUI Suspect Was Traveling With Dead Skunk, Police Say. Now this story is totally absurd. I love this story. You are not going to believe this one, but it is absolutely true.
First of all, the old cliche of being drunk as a skunk is actually true, at least in the case of this guy. So as the story goes, this guy is driving drunk. Witnesses observe this idiot strike a guardrail with his mini van. So, what does he do he leaves the scene, and keeps on driving erratically heading towards the city.
Pretty typical behavior for a drunk guy so far. A short time later the cops catch up with him, and pull the drunken idiot over. Here’s where it gets really good… The cop gets out of his car and is immediately assaulted with the smell of skunk. Believe me, for those of you unfortunate enough to know this smell, you know exactly what I am talking about. For those of you who don’t, consider yourselves very, very, lucky. Trust me this is one odor that you do not ever want to experience first hand. There is not a more foul odor anywhere, except for maybe the decaying smell of a dead body. However, I consider this to be a tossup, as to which smell is worse. Believe me, this odor is very nauseating, and very distinctive.
Intermission: OK, I actually have an interesting skunk story. This story takes place in Connecticut. Yes, Connecticut. In the Northeast part of the United States skunks are somewhat common, even in the big cities. Anyway, this is one animal that if you happen to see one, you give it a very, very, wide berth, and whatever you do, do not scare it
Anyway, skunks do not really have much of a strong smell themselves per se, so unless it sprays something you will not be able to detect one by smell alone. The only time a skunk sprays anyone, or anything with their foul smelling stink spray is if they are startled, frightened or threatened.
Decades ago I used to live in this townhouse complex in Danbury, Ct. It was later in the evening on a warm summers day. I forgot what the circumstances were exactly, but I needed to borrow something from my neighbor Greg.
It was somewhere around 9:30 in the evening. I walked out of my door and walked the short distance to Greg’s front door. Now mind you it was somewhat dark in front of Greg’s door because his porch light off, and because of the shrubbery on either side of the door. Anyway, I knocked on the door.
Suddenly out of the corner of my eye, coming from my right, was a dark shape moving along the front wall of the townhouse behind the shrubs It was heading right towards me. I actually did not think too much about it as it kind of looked like one of the many cats from around the neighborhood. It could have even my cat.So, I really did not think too much about it. There was nothing in it’s movements that I would have even remotely considered to be a possible threat. Just one of the cats I assumed.
Mind you, only several seconds had passed since I had knocked on the door. I figured that Greg may have been upstairs, and did not hear my knock, so I looked back towards the door and proceeded to ring the doorbell.
Immediately after ringing the doorbell, I felt something rub against my legs. I glanced down and saw what I thought was one of the cats, and reached down and scratched the top of it’s head. It kept right on going, heading towards my townhouse. I looked over at the retreating cat and realized to my horror, that it was not a cat at all. It was a skunk. It stopped and sniffed around the bushes not three feet from me. I stood there frozen in fear. The one and only thought that crossed my mind was; Please Greg, do not answer the door because you will frighten it. If you frighten it, I am the one getting sprayed with smelly skunk stink.
As luck would have it, Greg was not home and did not answer the door. The skunk kept going and disappeared around the corner of the building a couple of doors down. Crisis narrowly averted.
Important Safety Tip: Never, ever scare, threaten, or otherwise molest a skunk as they can spray their foul smelling odor with great accuracy for 15 to 20 feet.
Anyway, back to the drunk driver story… The cop exited his vehicle and was immediately assaulted with the horrendous skunk smell. The Police Officer then noticed a plastic grocery bag hanging from the back window wiper. On top of that, as if that wasn’t enough, the back window wiper was on, even though it was not raining. The bag was swinging back and forth on the window wiper.
The Police Officer approached the driver and smelled a strong smell of alcohol , not to mention the strong smell of the skunk emanating from the drunk guys vehicle. The Police Officer gave the man some roadside sobriety tests, which he failed miserably.
After arresting the drunk idiot, the Police Officer proceeded to ask the man what was inside the plastic grocery bag. The drunken man explained that there was a dead skunk inside the plastic bag, that he had killed because the skunk was killing his chickens. The man proceeded to explain that he was looking for a receptacle to dispose of the skunk.
The drunk guys vehicle was impounded along with his smelly dead skunk cargo, the man was booked into the local jail.
They never did explain why the window wiper was on, or why the smelly dead skunk needed to swing back and forth in time with the window wiper. Hmmmm.
As always,
I am…
Tom Dye, The Safety Guy
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