PROFOUND REVELATIONS

‘Monsignor Meth’ Laundered Money Through Sex Shop, Loved Musicals, Had Sex With ‘Odd-Looking Men’ I want to start by saying, I did not make this headline up. I know that those of you who follow me would be highly suspicious, it does sound like something, I would just make up. But, I don’t ever make up the actual NEWS headline itself. Actually, in this case, I did not make up most of this story either.

Sometimes, the truth is stranger then fiction. Seriously, this is one of those stories that as I was reading it, I started imagining, I was somehow transported into one of the original black and white episodes of, The Twilight Zone. You remember the ones with Rod Serling standing off the the side, wearing a black suit, and tie, and he was always smoking a cigarette, he is about to start his opening story setup.

The more I read, the more I could imagine, Rod Serling, standing discreetly off to the side. As I continued reading, Rod started to speak; You have to imagine Rod Serling’s voice here…..  
“Tom Dye, The Safety Guy, a nondescript, regular guy, a blogger, champion of the absurd, he’s about to learn the power of words, too much power, and he is about to…discover that delving too far into the absurd, is a direct passage into…. The Twilight Zone”.

Oh no, my friends, this absurd headline doe’s not even remotely do this story justice, this story is far, far, more absurd, then meets the eye. This guy is so bizarre, I am not even sure where to begin. This is definitely one of those stories that I have to break down, piece, by piece, and analyze each mind boggling part.

Let’s start with the facts as we know them. First of all, this winner was a respected Catholic Priest, in a big Catholic Diocese, located in Connecticut, until about a year ago, citing health, and personal reasons, for resigning.

This Priest was once called gifted, and compassionate. He was actually a Monsignor, I am not Catholic, but my understanding is, a Monsignor is kind of a big deal, a real big shot. If you equated the Catholic Church with a multinational corporation, a Monsignor would be ranked equivalently, to a Regional Director, higher then a Manager, but ranked below that of a Vice President.

I am going to begin with the least absurd allegation, and work my way up to the ones, well beyond, the far side of bizarre.

According to the allegations, Monsignor Meth, sold 98.6% pure crystal meth, to undercover Cops, not just once, but several times, between September 2012 and January 2013. Apparently, he was importing it from California. Obviously, this is how he got the nickname, Monsignor Meth. He was indicted on these charges.

I admit, a crystal meth selling Catholic Priest is not really too absurd. We actually hear about these kind of things pretty regularly. But, there’s more, lots more. There are new allegations, rectory officials were aware of the fact that Monsignor Meth, was a cross dresser as well.  Allegedly, he used to have sex with other odd-looking men, who sometimes dressed in women’s clothing as well. There are some who claim, he even had sex, in the church rectory.

There are also reports that the parishioners were becoming increasingly alarmed, by their middle aged, Monsignor Meth’s, increasingly bizarre behavior. They were absolutely right. After the Cross dressing, Monsignor Meth, was arrested, Diocese officials discovered a variety of  “bizarre sex toys” inside the Monsignors church residence.

Now, this is getting to be truly absurd. A middle aged, crystal meth selling, drug dealer, cross dressing, Senior Catholic Monsignor, who has sex, inside the church’s rectory, with “odd-looking” men, all the while, apparently using bizarre sex toys. Holy Sh-t! This guy is totally f–ked up.

Evidently, dealing in crystal meth is a huge money making enterprise even for a cross dressing Catholic Monsignor. You have to find some way to launder all your ill begotten cash. You can’t just take wheel barrow loads of cash down to the bank, and deposit it into your account. The bank reports large deposits to the IRS. I would think that the salary for a Catholic Monsignor is nowhere near that of a crystal meth dealer.

So what doe’s Monsignor Meth do? He is alleged to have laundered his profits through a large sex shop called ‘Land of Oz”. You read that correctly. He laundered his illegal drug profits through a sex shop. Talk about heading down the yellow brick road, flying monkeys, munchkins, and all the rest.

I want to clarify something. This story would make no difference, if the guy was Catholic, or any other religion.  As a matter of fact, Atheists would certainly not condone this type of bizarre behavior either.

You also have to ask yourself what would cause a respected middle aged Catholic Monsignor to get involved in the illegal drug trade, especially crystal meth. This is arguably one of the most dangerous, and addictive street drugs on the planet. To compound his incredibly stupid mistakes, he was importing the drug from California. Any reasonably educated person knows this is going to turn out badly in the end. Eventually, the drug is going to be delivered by Federal Agents impersonating the delivery drivers. Monsignor Meth, would have known this, if he ever watched TV, or the NEWS. Evidently this guy was not only absurd, he was a half-wit as well.

Allegedly, the rectory officials knew of the Monsignors predilection for cross dressing. WTF, they knew about this? as well as his penchant for having sex with “odd looking” men in the church rectory. Why didn’t they fire his a– right then? Don’t get me wrong, I don’t care if someone is gay, or a cross dresser, not that there is anything wrong with that, to each their own. But, I am absolutely certain that the Catholic Church frowns upon that type activity. My recommendation is, if you want to participate in these type activities, except for the drug dealing part, you may want to find another line of work first.

I don’t care what line of work your in, having sex in the church rectory, with odd looking men, all the while using bizarre sex toys is a non starter. If you are employed by the church, or a corporation, it is the same thing. They both frown upon this type behavior occurring upon their property. Whether it be a church rectory, corporate conference room, or office, This behavior is going to lead to your firing, sooner or later. However, this behavior may not apply to sex shops, maybe this type behavior is allowed, and even encouraged. Maybe Monsignor Meth, should inquire to see if they have any job openings.

I think most of us can agree that there is nothing wrong with being gay, a cross dresser, or whatever.  I salute and celebrate your individuality. However, there is a time, and place, for everything. Except for drug dealing of course. So, what would cause a once compassionate, caring, and respected, man of the cloth, a high level employee of the Catholic Church, to transform himself into a crystal meth dealing, cross dresser? What would cause this man to turn into someone who engages in sexual activities, with odd looking men, incorporating bizarre sex toys?

There is one clue in this absurd headline that may provide us with the answers. Monsignor Meth, was known to love musicals. Ah! the light bulb goes off. Yes, he loved musicals. Now, Monsignor Meth’s bizarre behavior, actually starts to make sense. I despise musicals, except for, The Rocky Horror Picture Show. The Rocky Horror Picture Store was an amazing movie, and still is. There is nothing more brain damaging then a musical. Nobody on the entire planet spontaneously breaks into song for no apparent reason. If people did, I would be looking for somewhere to hide, far, far, away.

I have do doubt in my mind, that watching too many musicals, will ultimately alter your brain waves, and permanently change your personality, causing you to become something else. Obviously, we see, what a once respected man of the cloth, Monsignor Meth, turned into. Can’t you see, musicals are a central part of some diabolical, right wing plot, to break down the fabric of society. In the end, the right wing-nuts, will be able to use their military assault weapons to keep order, and transform the United States, into the right wing dictatorship, that they have been dreaming of, ever since President, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, pushed through, the New Deal.

I think you all see, that the evidence is clear. Do not watch musicals, except for, The Rocky Horror Picture Show. If they come on TV, turn the channel  immediately, do not get sucked into it. Do not go to see Broadway or off-Broadway musical plays. Just remember what happened to Monsignor Meth. The same thing, or worse, can happen to you too.

I believe that Monsignor Meth’s love for musicals, offers the only possible explanation for his bizarre behavior, according to the facts as we know them. For those of you who think that my explanation for his bizarre behavior is absurd, do you have a better idea that fits all the facts?
I think not.

As always,
I am…

Tom Dye, The Safety Guy

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