The AWFUL Diet Advice Barbie Gave Girls In 1965. WTF, what does this 12 inch disproportionate plastic doll know about diets, and dieting anyway? Furthermore, how does a 12 inch plastic doll with a hollow head, sealed mouth, and painted lips give any kind of advice, dieting or otherwise?
1965 Barbie
I don’t much give a s–t what type of advice, awful or whatever, that Barbie was giving children in 1965, or now, for that matter. All I know is, no good can come of it.
I have three grown boys, so they were not much interested in Barbie dolls, except maybe for possible hostages for their G.I. Joe’s. I can assure you, that as far as I know, none of their G.I. Joe’s, ever gave my boys any kind of advice. Who knows, maybe these were not the talking kind.
As a parent myself I find the very idea of inanimate, disproportionate, 12 inch plastic dolls giving children any kind of advice, awful of otherwise, very disturbing. What kind of authority figure is a 12 inch, disproportionate, plastic Barbie anyway? The parents should be the only people giving advice to their children.
I know I certainly had enough full-sized adults like, Grand Parents, Aunts and Uncles, etc. all trying to undermine my authority as it was. So, I do not have to put up with this s–t, from a 12 inch plastic doll. Besides, I can do something about a doll, other family members, not so much.
The very idea of this talking plastic Barbie gives me the creeps. Besides, I have seen this before, and it turned out very badly. First, come the implied threats, then come the direct threats, and finally it tries to kill you. Next thing you know, people are crying at your funeral.
Did any of you ever see the episode of the original black and white Twilight Zone TV series, called – Talking Tina? The episode featured Telly Savalas? (Telly Savalas later stared in the 1970’s TV series, Kojak.) Anyway, this particular episode featured a talking doll, coincidentally named, Talking Tina.
This particular episode scared the crap out of me, as this doll, Talking Tina, was pure evil. Sure, the doll would talk very nicely to the little girl, but it threatened the Father’s life, after he tried several times, unsuccessfully, to dispose of the doll by various methods. Talking Tina, ultimately killed the Father, and then threatened the Mother. The closing scene was of the distraught Mother, holding Talking Tina, the doll opens its eyes and says, “My name is Talking Tina, and you had better be nice to me.”
I think it’s a safe bet to assume that any inanimate object, that starts talking is going to be trouble. Time to nip this in the bud, before things get out of hand.
Important Safety Tip: If your small son or daughter comes to you and tells you about one of their dolls talking to them, or if your passing by their bedroom door, and you hear voices that are not your children’s, you need to act, and act fast.
In the Twilight Zone episode, the Telly Savalas charter was unable to destroy the doll. Don’t worry, I have thought this out carefully, and learned from the charters mistakes. Not to mention, that this episode was created in the 1950’s, we have many more options available to us now. Be sure to follow all these instructions to the letter.
First you need to prepare. You will need a gym bag, a zip tie, lighter fluid, wood for a small backyard bonfire, and a dark pillowcase to use as a hood.
Make sure that the fire pit in the back yard is prepared, and ready to go. The fire should be ready to light at a moments notice.
Next, when your child is asleep or better yet at a sleepover, without the doll. Use any excuse that you have to. Anything will do: You don’t want the doll to get dirty or damaged or lost, or whatever.
Once your sure that you are alone with the doll, slowly approach the doll from behind, Do Not Let The Doll See You!, throw the dark pillow case over the doll, and place it inside the gym bag. Use the zip tie to secure the gym bag shut. This should prevent the little demon doll from getting out. Do not let the gym bag containing the doll, out of your sight, not even for a moment.
Use the gym bag to carry the doll to the back yard. Start the small bonfire, by using the charcoal lighter fluid. Once the fire is going really well and burning very hot, throw the gym bag into the fire.
Do not leave the fire until the fire has totally consumed the gym bag, and the doll inside. Once the doll is totally consumed down to ashes, you can relax until the ashes cool completely.
The next day, once the ashes are cold to the touch, scoop – ALL OF THE ASHES, into a plastic bag. It is imperative that you get all of the ashes, no not leave any behind.
Take the bag of ashes, and drive at least five miles from home. Find a secluded or abandoned area. and open the window of your vehicle. As you are still driving, at least 25 miles per hour, slowly pour the ashes out of the bag, and onto the road making sure to scatter the ashes over a wide area. The wider the area that you can scatter the ashes, the better. Take the bag home with you, and properly dispose of it, we don’t want to be a litterbug.
I know, we don’t like lying to our children, but this time you will just have to bite the bullet, and just do it. If your child asks you where their doll is, pretend like you have no idea. Trust me, they will get over it quickly, especially if you buy the man X-box 360 instead.
To all you parents out there, talk to your children everyday, offer them all the advice and guidance they need, so they may find their own path in life. If you do, their 12 inch plastic Barbie’s will not feel compelled to do it for you. Only then can tragedies like this be prevented in the future.
As always,
I am…
Tom Dye, The Safety Guy
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