PROFOUND REVELATIONS

Sarah Palin: It Snowed In Alaska In May, So There Is No Global Warming! Really? I wasn’t aware that Sarah Palin was now a Scientist.

Oh wait, before I forget, This news commentary and story is a work of satire and thus is protected speech under the first amendment of the United States Constitution.

OK, now that’s out-of-the-way. I don’t normally feel compelled to make that statement, but everyone knows how Sarah Palin loves to give her ignorant hate speeches and bizarre Facebook rants. However, If anyone says anything negative about her she sends out an army of Lawyers in an attempt to stifle any dissenting opinion.

Normally, I just ignore Sarah Palin. I mean seriously, she is like an unruly child who periodically throws a temper tantrum. Every smart parent knows when your child starts throwing a temper tantrum, you either ignore them or send them to their room. In this case Sarah Palin’s comments were so ignorant and so wildly absurd, I felt compelled to answer Sarah Palin directly. After all, I am Tom Dye, the Safety Guy, champion of all things absurd.

Dear Sarah Palin,

Evidently, over this past weekend you noticed that there was a late May snowstorm in Alaska. So being the half-wit that you are, you automatically made a giant intellectual  leap (or actually it was just a little hop) and instantly determined that since there was a late snow storm in May, then obviously there is no such thing as global warming. You have a fairly long history of making absurd statements about climate change. As a matter of fact, this time you even went on to say;  “Global warming my gluteus maximus”.

Sarah Palin

So Sarah, since you obviously don’t suffer from any of the ravages of intelligence, you now fancy yourself to be a qualified, Climate Scientist?  Oh wait, I know you have trouble with big words so Let me spell that for you Sarah, that’s S-c-i-e-n-t-i-s-t  you know those really smart people who have advanced degrees, superior intellects and come up with new ideas and theories that advance all of mankind.

So, now you’re an expert on climate change, You Betcha! Well, I guess you have to do something to make a living now that FOX Fake NEWS doesn’t want to hear from you anymore either. And, your stupid TV reality show, lasted exactly one season before it was cancelled.

Well, personally I like to get my information from trusted authoritative sources. That being said, let’s just take a look at your record of accomplishments so far shall we?

First of all, you went to like three or four minor universities, so you could just squeak by and get a degree in journalism. This fact is actually astounding to me as your apparent grasp of the English language, both written and spoken is frankly shockingly limited.

During the 2008 election cycle you once famously asked, what’s the difference between a pit-bull and a soccer mom? You smugly answered, it’s lipstick. In you’re case, the real answer is it is in reality, a pit-bull has a better grasp of the English language and exhibits far superior problem solving skills.

Also, Sarah as a failed Governor of Alaska, you only served out half of  your four-year term and resigned because it was “too stressful”. Really? Did you even know that Alaska is the most sparsely populated State in the entire nation? That’s right, Alaska ranks, 50th out of 50 states. How f–king stressful could that be?

Next, Sen. John McCain in one of the biggest political blunders in modern history picked you of all people to be his running mate for Vice President of the United States. My God! If you bobble-heads had actually won, this country would have been flushed right down the toilet. Talk about the blind leading the deaf. What, would you have quit that job as well when it got too stressful?

Here’s an interesting fact. I know for certain that when you debated the well-known 35 year Senator from Delaware (Now Vice President) Joseph Biden, you came out on stage and famously asked if you could just call him Joe. Do you remember that? Well the reason you had to do that was because during your debate practice sessions, in which you were already a walking intellectually challenged train wreck, you kept referring to Senator Biden, as Senator O’Biden.

Of course, we can’t forget the famous TV interview with Katie Couric. Remember the one in which Katie Couric asked you which newspapers you read daily. Sarah, Sarah, really? you couldn’t name not even one newspaper, not a single one.

You later appeared on Fox fake News and ranted about “Gotcha” journalism by the lame stream media. Gotcha journalism? Just because they asked you what newspapers you read? For God’s sake, you couldn’t get a more slow pitch softball question then that, except for maybe; What’s your favorite color?

Don’t worry, Sarah you don’t have to answer that, because I really don’t f–king want to know or care what your favorite color is. It’s just an analogy. Simply speaking, it was a simple f–king question. For God’s sake you could have just made up what newspapers you read. Who would ever know anyway?

So, Sarah, now that you’re a Climate Scientist, permit me to educate you on some of your absurd misconceptions, not all of your erroneous statements, that would take way too long and this is not a novel.  So, we will confine the discussion to just climate change.

First of all, let me start by saying I am mildly impressed that you even know what a gluteus maximus is, or maybe you don’t, but at least it was spelled right. Thank God, for spell check.

Since you’re one of the very few climate change deniers left, you always seem confused by the terms “weather” and “Climate”.  So let’s start with the basics.

Weather  – is the state of the atmosphere, to the degree that it is hot or cold, wet or dry, calm or stormy, clear or cloudy. Most weather phenomena occur in the troposphere, just below the stratosphere. Weather generally refers to day-to-day temperature and precipitation activity.

Climate – encompasses the statistics of temperature, humidity, atmospheric pressure, wind, precipitation, atmospheric particle count and other meteorological elemental measurements in a given region over long periods.

Sorry, for all the big words Sarah, maybe you can get one of your children to explain them to you.

So, as you can see just because there was a late snow in May in Alaska, it has nothing to do with climate change. Or your incorrect use of the term, “Global Warming”.

One of the major indicators of climate change is the CO2 levels (that’s carbon dioxide) one of the four primary gasses that make up earth’s atmosphere has increased by 35% since the industrial revolution began just over 200 years ago.

That’s a 35% increase in just over 200 years. Now, that’s a pretty sobering statistic. Oh, by the way Sarah, in case you didn’t know the other three primary gasses that make up the majority of Earth’s atmosphere include: Oxygen, Nitrogen, and Argon. Plus there are very small amounts of other gasses as well.

Here’s some other compelling facts to consider:

(Just so you know Sarah, the following facts came from the really smart Scientists at NASA. That’s the acronym for the  National Aeronautics and Space Administration.)

Sea level rise

Global sea level rose about 17 centimeters (6.7 inches) in the last century. The rate in the last decade, however, is nearly double that of the last century.

Global temperature rise

All three major global surface temperature reconstructions show that Earth has warmed since 1880. Most of this warming has occurred since the 1970s, with the 20 warmest years having occurred since 1981 and with all 10 of the warmest years occurring in the past 12 years. Even though the 2000s witnessed a solar output decline resulting in an unusually deep solar minimum in 2007-2009, surface temperatures continue to increase.

Warming oceans

The oceans have absorbed much of this increased heat, with the top 700 meters (about 2,300 feet) of ocean showing warming of 0.302 degrees Fahrenheit since 1969.

Shrinking ice sheets

The Greenland and Antarctic ice sheets have decreased in mass. Data from NASA’s Gravity Recovery and Climate Experiment show Greenland lost 150 to 250 cubic kilometers (36 to 60 cubic miles) of ice per year between 2002 and 2006, while Antarctica lost about 152 cubic kilometers (36 cubic miles) of ice between 2002 and 2005.

Declining Arctic sea ice

Both the extent and thickness of Arctic sea ice has declined rapidly over the last several decades.

Glacial retreat

Glaciers are retreating almost everywhere around the world — including in the Alps, Himalayas, Andes, Rockies, Alaska and Africa.

Extreme events

The number of record high temperature events in the United States has been increasing, while the number of record low temperature events has been decreasing, since 1950. The U.S. has also witnessed increasing numbers of intense rainfall events.

Ocean acidification

Since the beginning of the Industrial Revolution, the acidity of surface ocean waters has increased by about 30 percent. This increase is the result of humans emitting more carbon dioxide into the atmosphere and hence more being absorbed into the oceans. The amount of carbon dioxide absorbed by the upper layer of the oceans is increasing by about 2 billion tons per year.

OK, Sarah, I ‘m going to stop now, as I am certain that you won’t understand any of the scientific data anyway, besides having to look up dozens of big words in the dictionary is really, really, time-consuming.

Of course, Sarah, as usual, your timing for your absurd Facebook post could have not been more ill-timed. That following Monday a very rare F-5 Tornado touched down in Morris, Oklahoma.

Morris, OK

Here’s an idea Sarah, maybe you should ask the good people in Morris, OK, what they feel about climate change. Or maybe the good people of Joplin, Mo, New Orleans, LA,  NY, York, NY, and New Jersey.

Considering, you say that you can see Russia from your house, why don’t you ask the Russians what they feel about climate change? I am pretty certain you will not get kind of confirmation of your absurd beliefs.

More then likely you will hear something like this: Лучше, чтобы сохранить ваши моли закрыты, и есть люди, подозреваю, что ты дурак, а затем открыть его и люди знали наверняка. Иди в свою комнату, Сара Пэйлин.

Loosely translated this means: It is better to keep your moth shut and have people suspect that you are a fool, then to open it and have people know for sure. Go to your room, Sarah Palin.

Maybe, just maybe, you still have time to redeem yourself and use your rapidly shrinking platform to inform and educate, instead of spewing hate and ignorance.

I sincerely doubt you have it in you, I am always an optimist, so who knows.

Also, in closing, If we were to ever have a televised debate on stage, you may not under any circumstances, just call me “Tom”.  Because……..

As always,

I am…

Tom Dye, The Safety Guy

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