BEWARE: Catholic Church Launches Exorcist Hotline. I had no idea that demonic possession, or the need for exorcisms was so great, that the Catholic Church actually needs an “Exorcism Hotline”; Furthermore, did you know that a diocese in Europe actually doubled the amount of Priests qualified to perform exorcisms?
The more I think about, I actually feel this is a really good idea. I don’t know about you, but I have known several people over the years that were obviously possessed. I am not talking about mental illness, as this is an entirely different thing. After all demons certainly would not mimic mental illness, as this would be a zero gain scenario. After all, if the demon causes someone to act mentally ill, they are only going to get their themselves, either put on anti-psychotic drugs, or worse, getting them, locked away in a psychiatric facility.
I wish that the church would have started this much, much, sooner. Maybe, some of these possessed people I have known could have gotten the help they needed, and gone on to live normal lives.
Let me give you a few examples so you can better understand what I am talking about.
I once knew a girl several years ago, actually a young woman. This twenty something young woman, was very attractive. She had this really strange obsession, she suddenly started reading the dictionary, for no apparent reason. She would sit on her front porch literally every day, and read the dictionary, cover to cover. I am not talking about one of those pocket dictionaries that you see every day. Oh no, I am talking about one of those huge hardbound, unabridged, reference dictionaries, the ones that are like 6″ thick, and are filled with that really, really, small print.
This was the kind of reference dictionary that you used to see sitting open on a stand in a public library. Don’t get me wrong there is nothing unusual about looking something up in a dictionary. Most of us will periodically spend maybe 2-3 minutes looking up a specific word, so we can find the exact meaning, or to determine the proper spelling of a particular word.
The highly unusual part about this young woman’s sudden obsession with reading the dictionary, and I mean, literally reading the dictionary, Just like any normal person would read a novel or text-book, is that she started using words and phrases that no human beings had used, or heard of, in hundreds of years. It didn’t take long before the rest of us could barely understand anything she was saying. We eventually gave up trying.
I didn’t care how attractive she was, if I had to use a dictionary just to translate all the arcane words, and phrases that she included in virtually every sentence she spoke, then trust me it wasn’t worth effort. I just used to nod my head and smile every time she spoke.
Obviously, this young woman was possessed, as no human being reads the entire unabridged reference dictionary, like the latest best-selling novel, or suddenly starts speaking in an arcane form of the English language, consisting almost entirely of ancient words and phrases.
Or, I once had a very good friend a few years ago. John, was his name. This guy, used to spontaneously start speaking in some sort of ancient lost language. Whatever this ancient language was, John was apparently quite fluent in it. Now, this weird language, John spoke, sounded something like one of those situations where someone in a religious altered state, starts “Speaking in Tongues”. All I know is nobody was ever able to identify this language, or understand a single word of it.
This used to happen every single time John would have four or five beers. I know what your thinking, and no, this was not the standard drunk-slurred-speech that everyone laughs at. This was something else entirely. What I found really interesting was John would have no memory of his bizarre ancient lost language skills the next morning. This is another pretty clear-cut case of demonic possession.
Lastly, years ago for a short period of time, I used to date this girl named Tracy. She was attractive, smart and very funny. You see, Tracy used to like to drink wine, I think she thought it made her look sophisticated or something. After only two or three small glasses, she would suddenly transform into the Spawn of Satan. Talk about being possessed. This was truly a scary experience. Of course, I would immediately become the prime target for her inhuman demonic, fury.
Did you know that wine is one of the oldest alcoholic beverages? It is. It’s not surprising that a demon would manifest itself through wine. After all, Demons must be vary familiar with wine. Demons may even have even been the first to discover wine.
It only took me about a month for me to very delicately break it off with Tracy.
I had no desire to be murdered in my sleep by this demonically possessed, Spawn of Satan. Tracy actually seemed to take the breakup pretty well, at least I thought so initially.I even survived the encounter without a scratch. But, I couldn’t have been more wrong.
First, the phone calls started, at all hours, day and night. I would answer the phone, and the person at the other end would hang up. This was prior to cell phones, so this was my land line phone. This was extremely annoying. I assumed it was Tracy, but I had no way to know for sure. Then things took on a really bizarre twist.
I started noticing that Tracy was following me, not directly behind me, but maybe two or three cars back. This would happen very regularly. I would see her when I was coming home from work, when I was going to a friend’s house, or even going to, or going home from a night club. She would follow me basically everywhere I went.
When someone is following me, I always notice. It’s not that I am paranoid, just the opposite, I just pay attention to my surroundings. This may be part of my built-in survival instinct developed from being born and raised in Southern California.
This was much more unsettling then annoying, as I never knew what she might be up to. I took precautions like purchasing a locking gas cap, as well as inspecting my car, when I was leaving somewhere. I once a found a handful of nails behind both rear tires.
This bizarre behavior continued for two or three weeks. It got so bad, that if I had a date, I would actually drive over to a friend’s house, and swap cars. My friend, another single guy, had two cars, and his garage was at the back of his house. The garage opened up into a small ally. I used to park my car in front of his house, and borrow one of his cars, and leave out the back. I would reverse this process, when I returned.
Once, I actually saw Tracy, parked down the street. My elaborate ruse apparently worked.
To be extra safe, I always took my dates somewhere where Tracy and I had never been to. These must have been pretty prudent precautions, as we never ran into Tracy, anywhere we went. Eventually, Tracy, the Spawn of Satan, found another unsuspecting guy. I never did find out if this new guy, survived his encounter with Tracy, or not. I hope so, I wouldn’t wish her on anyone.
As you can plainly see, by these three examples, all three people were obviously possessed. I have many more examples as well. I would be willing to bet, that each of you, has had similar experiences with demonically possessed people in your own lives as well.
I think that the church should franchise this “Exorcism Hotline”, all over the world, in every country, and every major city. They could even open smaller branches in small towns. They could even have a fleet of; Exorcism Rapid Response Mini Vans. This way they could respond, on a moments notice. Just like Domino’s pizza, delivered in 30 minutes or less, or it’s free.
Think about it, Your friend or loved one starts showing signs of demonic possession, whether it be at home, a restaurant, theater, or anywhere else. All you would have to do is, call the toll-free exorcism hotline, and a trained exorcist would be dispatched to your location in minutes. Certainly, the next level would be to create a mobile app for android and i-phones, that you could use to summon the exorcist, with all the pertinent details, and the possessed persons photo included, prior to his arrival.
I can see it now, the exorcist, zips in, performs a quick exorcism, you pay the man, and he zips out. A few short minutes later, you could be on your way, demon free.
What could be more convenient. I wonder how much they charge for these type of exorcism services? Is tipping customary? I hope they take credit cards.
As always,
I am…
Tom Dye, The Safety Guy
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