PROFOUND REVELATIONS

Tales oF the Absurd, Original Satire, Politics, Religion & News Commentary

Month: September 2016 Page 4 of 5

A Liberal Perspective On The Life And Philosophies Of Phyllis Schlafly

A Liberal Perspective On The Life And Philosophies Of Phyllis Schlafly

It was announced on September 05, 2016 that Phyllis Schlafly had passed away at the age of 92.

First of all, let me just say that even though my entire life I have I have been absolutely and unequivocally opposed to Phyllis Schlafly’s life long positions on politics and her philosophies on American life in general.

I will also say that as a fellow human being I offer condolences to her family in their time of grief.

As a liberal, I believe that Phyllis Schlafly was directly responsible for defeating the 1972 Equal Right’s amendment or ERA.

The ERA was a simple declaration that consisted of only three definitive sentences that would guarantee Equal Rights under the law for all and could not be denied based upon sex. The full text read:

  • Section 1. Equality of rights under the law shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any state on account of sex.
  • Section 2. The Congress shall have the power to enforce, by appropriate legislation, the provisions of this article.
  • Section 3. This amendment shall take effect two years after the date of ratification.

As a liberal, these three simple sentences made perfect sense, I mean seriously who could possibly object to equal opportunity, or to put it another way it would create a level playing field for both men and women.

This motto is engraved right on the Supreme Court of the United States (SCOTUS). I mean it is literally carved in stone.

court-motto

For me, I grew in up in Southern California to a typical middle class family, in a typical three bedroom home. Both my parents worked to give both my sister and me, a pretty typical middle class life. So the concept of equal opportunity for all made perfect sense.

I mean who could possibly have an issue with this. The ERA was literally a no brainer, right? Who could possibly object to such a profoundly obvious ideal?

Phyllis Schafly did. I mean what the f*ck. Here is Phyllis Schafly’s take on The Equal Right’s Amendment:

To quote Chloe Angyal and Nick Visser of the Huffington post:

“Schlafly argued that an ERA would harm American housewives, warning that it would make it more difficult for mothers to obtain custody in divorce cases and that it would do away with alimony and child support requirements. She also argued that it would lead to same-sex marriage and government funding for abortions, both of which she fiercely opposed, despite having a gay son.

Most powerfully, she argued that an Equal Rights Amendment would lead to the conscription of women into the armed forces. It was largely due to Schlafly’s lobbying that the amendment fell three states short of ratification, and died. Schafly threw a party to celebrate its demise. ”

How very fucking profound! Virtually all of Phyllis Schlafly’s predictions have already come true, except for women being conscripted into the military, and of course the equal pay for equal work part.  All Phyllis Schafly did was delay women the equal opportunity they deserved for over forty fucking years.

Think about that for a moment………..

While the rest of us mourned for the defeat of the American dream, Phyllis Schafly decided to add insult to injury. Phyllis Schafly had the gall to trow a party celebrating the fact that the ERA fell  short by three States all because of her rabid misguided and very vocal objection to it.

Phyllis Schlafly was not a great conservative stateswoman and activist as she has been portrayed by the conservative press. Phyllis Schafly was a misguided reactionary and stooge who longed for the fictional America what was portrayed on 1050’s television e.g.- Leave it to Beaver, The Donna Reed Show, and My Three Sons.

The early 1970’s were a time of great political change and exciting opportunity. Millions of people had dreams of a new “all inclusive America”. Phyllis Schlafly decided it was her job to quash those dreams, and attempt to hold onto a fictional American reality that never existed in the first place. What sort of monster would do this and then throw a party celebrating it’s defeat? Phyllis Schafly that’s who.

The really sad thing is she was also able to persuade enough other delusional Americans who also believed in fictional 1950’s America to vote against their own best interests to defeat this important constitutional amendment. I will go as far as to say that Phyllis Schafly was as Anti-American as; Joseph McCarthy, George Wallace, Lester Maddox, slavery, and segregation. Yes, I feel that strongly about her delusional and reactionary positions. Well maybe the segregation and slavery part is a bit harsh, but you get the idea.

But it wasn’t only The Equal Rights Amendment, OH NO! If that were the only case, Phyllis Schlafly would only have been a minor footnote in American History.

Sarah K. Burris posted 15 of Phyllis Schlafly’s most disturbing quotes on www.rawstory.com on September 05, 2016 Here is just a few of them;

Blaming the Violence Against Women Act for broken marriages:
“When marriages are broken by false allegations of domestic violence, U.S. taxpayers fork up an estimated $20 billion a year to support the resulting single-parent, welfare-dependent families.” – Schlafly, Feb. 2011.

What feminism means:
“And the first commandment of feminism is: I am woman; thou shalt not tolerate strange gods who assert that women have capabilities or often choose roles that are different from men’s.” – Schlafly, “Feminists On The Warpath Get Their Man, Feb. 2005.

Sexual harassment isn’t a big deal:
“Non-criminal sexual harassment on the job is not a problem for the virtuous woman except in the rarest of cases.” -Schlafly before the United States Senate, 1981.

Married women can’t be raped:
“By getting married, the woman has consented to sex, and I don’t think you can call it rape.” – “Schlafly cranks up agitation at Bates” Sun Journal, 2007.

ERA will equal gay rights:
“ERA means abortion funding, means homosexual privileges, means whatever else.” – Schlafly, “A new version of the ERA”. CNN, 1999.

The way men treat feminists:
“Men should stop treating feminists like ladies, and instead treat them like the men they say they want to be.” – Schlafly, “Feminists On The Warpath Get Their Man.” Feb. 2005.

Women in the military:
“Every country that has experimented with women in actual combat has abandoned the idea, and the notion that Israel uses women in combat is a feminist myth.” – Schlafly, “Women Don’t Belong In Ground Combat,” June, 2005.

On comprehensive sex education:
“Sex education classes are like in-home sales parties for abortions.” – Schalfly, Feb. 1997.

You certainly don’t have to take my word for it as there are many videos on YouTube.com that show Phyllis Schalfly spouting this sort of poisonous vitriol. I encourage you to look them up for yourselves.

Phyllis Schalfly’s  xenophobic, bigoted, hateful, and reactionary brand of Anti-American conservatism bears a striking resemblance to the current 2016 Republican candidate for President, Donald Trump.

This sort of poisonous vitriol will never truly die until everyone wakes up and starts voting for their own self interests and the interest of the country as a whole instead of against it. Stop being sheep and voting out of ignorance and one-liner campaign promises.

The sad thing is too many people do more research into the sale items at the supermarket and whether they actually received their .50 cents off at the checkout they they do researching policy positions and considering what is good for the whole country instead of the wants and needs of the few. Democracy is founded on a well educated educated population.

Many Americans today can’t pass a simple civics test. Get involved. Get your information from multiple reputable news sources, weigh the issues and make up your own mind. Consider the motivations and hidden agendas of anyone delivering political news and commentary.

You may have noticed that the 1st, 2nd and 3rd words, of this post start off with “A Liberal Perspective” at least you know right off the bat exactly where I stand, others may not be so straight forward. Now, that’s something to think about.

Lastly, I believe that America is never going back to a fictional past that never actually existed. America will keep evolving just as the founding fathers intended. America will always keep evolving into that more perfect union that our founding fathers so perfectly envisioned.

The Phyllis Schalfly’s and  Donald Trump’s of the world may only slow the inexorable wheel of progress  our founding fathers intended, but they can never stop it, or reverse the trends we have fought so hard to attain.

Embrace the new reality and societal norms! I promise, you have nothing to fear.

America is at it’s greatest when we embrace diversity and love one another as fellow human beings.  This is how we form that more perfect union, a union that includes EVERYONE no matter what their race, sex, creed, religion, non-religion, sexual orientation, political affiliation, country of orientation, and everything else.

E pluribus unum, Out of mayn, One

Are you with me?!

 

As Always,

I Am, Tom Dye, The Safety Guy

September 06,2017

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You’ve Been Warned, The Great Taco Truck Invasion Has Already Begun! UPDATED 10/19/2016

You’ve Been Warned, The Great Taco Truck Invasion Has Already Begun! (IMPORTANT UPDATE 10/19/2016)

I have to be honest with you, I never saw this coming. But, there is no doubt about it my friends, we have been invaded.

A foreign army with overwhelming numbers has silently and covertly invaded The United States, and we are powerless to stop it.

Even though I admittedly didn’t see it coming, I can pinpoint the exact moment it began. The Taco Truck invasion of 2016 bears a striking resemblance to the beginning of the American revolutionary war. Seriously, let me explain.

In order to fully understand current events, we need only to look back at history to clearly see the common threads that created our current conflict. Just bear with me and everything will become abundantly clear.

To put things into perspective, Elizabeth Nix, from History.com, wrote an excellent piece on the beginnings of the revolutionary war, This piece details the exact moment that the American Revolutionary war began. We now call this moment in time; The Shot That Was Heard Around The World.

“On the night of April 18, 1775, hundreds of British troops set off from Boston toward Concord, Massachusetts, in order to seize weapons and ammunition stockpiled there by American colonists. Early the next morning, the British reached Lexington, where approximately 70 minutemen had gathered on the village green. Someone suddenly fired a shot—it’s uncertain which side—and a melee ensued. When the brief clash ended, eight Americans lay dead and at least an equal amount were injured, while one redcoat was wounded. The British continued on to nearby Concord, where that same day they encountered armed resistance from a group of patriots at the town’s North Bridge. Gunfire was exchanged, leaving two colonists and three redcoats dead. Afterward, the British retreated back to Boston, skirmishing with colonial militiamen along the way and suffering a number of casualties; the Revolutionary War had begun”.  – Elizabeth Nix, History.com

The great Taco Truck invasion began with a similar “singular” moment in time. In this case, it started with an interview on MSNBC at exactly  8:36 PM EST. A Latino, Donald Trump supporter, and Latinos for Trump founder; Marco Gutierrez, was being interviewed live on air. He was referring to the scenario if Donald Trump were to lose the election. This is when he made the following statement;

“My culture is a very dominant culture,” he warned. “And it’s imposing, and it’s causing problems. If you don’t do something about it, you’re gonna have taco trucks every corner.”  

AH HA! This was obviously some sort of secret code phrase telling the Taco Truck Army to begin the invasion. This is a similar tactic that the Japanese used prior to the Japanese bombing of Pearl Harbor. When negotiations between the Japanese and United States governments broke down, The Japanese sent a radio message Tora, Tora, Tora, over the airwaves. Within a few hours, the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor.

Seemingly, almost instantaneously after Marco Gutierrez made his fateful statement live on air, the Taco Truck invasion began.

It began very covertly. At first, no one even noticed. The first of the Taco Truck Army that we’re credibly documented started showing up in places where none had EVER even been before. The first ones started showing up in front of Donald Trump campaign headquarters in various cities. Denver, CO was the first documented sighting. More Taco Trucks started showing up in City, after City, usually beginning in front of Donald Trump campaign headquarters and spreading out exponentially out from there.  The only common denominator is apparently Donald Trump’s campaign headquarters was always ground zero.

My God! how could we have been so blind that we never even noticed that the Taco Truck menace was right here among us all along?

Sure, we all saw the random unambiguous Taco Truck parked here and there. I am sure that many of us, including me, even frequented them periodically at lunch, or dinner time  and never thought anything of it.

How were we so stupid not to realize what was actually happening before it was too late? Who knew that these random Taco Trucks were actually part of a “fifth column” of foreign invaders just waiting for the signal to strike?

In the last couple of days, Social media has confirmed our worst fears and has literally exploded with sightings of the Taco Truck Army. Taco Trucks have now  been sighted in every city and on every corner.

BREAKING NEWS: Overnight, we went from this –

Taco Truck

To this –

Taco truck army

 

As of right now, and I literally mean right this minute, units of the Taco Truck Army can be found on virtually every corner, in every city, and small town in America. Don’t take my word for it, just look out your window and down the street.

So, what are we to do about this Taco Truck menace? We have been invaded by an overwhelming force. The Taco Truck Army is too powerful to stop now. Sure, there will be a few among us that will attempt to resist, especially those brave Donald Trump patriots. But, I fear that it is already too little, too late. At this point resistance is futile.

What am I Tom Dye, The Safety Guy going to do about it, you ask?

I am going to embrace our new Taco Truck overlords. I am going to bravely step right up to the nearest unit of the Taco Truck Army and boldly place my order for a taco or two or even three. I am going to order them with everything on it. And you know what? I am going to thoroughly enjoy every single bite of the delicious Taco Truck food.

You may call me a traitor, I don’t really fucking care. As far as I can tell, the sun still shines, the American flag still flies proudly, and I still have a home, car, and a job.

As far as I am concerned, it is a great day in America. Thank you, Taco Truck Overlords for showing us the error of our ways.

UPDATE 10/19/2016 – BREAKING NEWS……

On October 19, 2016, profoundrevelations.com received exclusive BREAKING NEWS……. The Taco Truck Army began arriving early this morning at Donald Trump’s Las Vegas Hotel.

Taco Trucks, as far as the eye can see began arriving this morning and encircling Trumps Las Vegas Hotel. The purpose of this Taco Truck invasion can only be described as a Taco Truck wall surrounding Donald Trumps hotel.

In a profoundrevelation.com “Exclusive Interview” with the Supreme Commander of the Taco Truck Army (Who wishes to remain unknown anonymous at this time. For the sake of journalistic integrity we will just refer to him as; Col. Ramone);

“According to Col. Ramone, This big beautiful taco truck wall is in direct response to Donald Trump’s negative campaign, as well as an action in direct support of the workers at Trump International Hotel who voted to unionize in December. Col. Ramone, further emphasized that Trump refuses to bargain with them”.

Col. Ramone,  fully expects Donald Trump to pay for the great Taco Truck wall that has now fully surrounded his Las Vegas Hotel.

We  placed several calls to Donald Trump’s press people for comment on if, and how much Trump would be paying for the great taco truck wall. As of our filing deadline, there was no response from either Donald Trump’s campaign or his press liaison.

If we get a statement from Donald Trump we will update this article with their response.

In the meantime, If you are in Las Vegas, stop by the great taco truck wall for some awesome tacos, and show your support for this great cause.

On a side note. According to Col. Ramone, he personally recommends the “No. 7 dinner combination meal”. This meal includes; Two chicken tacos with; cheese, lettuce, cilantro, tomatoes and onions with hot salsa. The meal also includes; Sides of refried beans, guacamole, as well as rice with homemade tortilla chips and salsa.

Hmmmm….Sounds good to me.

 

As Always,

I am,

Tom Dye, The Safety Guy

09/03/2016

Updated 10/19/2016

 

Man Bathes In 1,250 Bottles Of Hot Sauce And Immediately Regrets It!

Man bathes in 1,250 bottles of hot sauce and immediately regrets it!

This is a true story, you really can’t make this type of stuff up. British Vlogger, Cemre Candar is known for his stunts such as bathing in various type foodstuffs, e.g. – chocolate, Oreo cookies, and even multiple kegs of beer. Personally I think the beer stunt was a total waste of perfectly good beer, but to each their own. But seriously, why would you waste perfectly good beer?

On one of his recent stunts, he went way, way,  too far. I mean this is serious dumb ass territory we’re talking about. Why anyone would even consider to willingly abuse themselves this way is beyond me.

For thus particular stunt, Cemre decides it would be a good idea to immerse himself in 1,250 bottles of hot sauce with several handfuls of hot chili peppers thrown in for good measure.  As soon as he lowers himself into the tub, he realizes he has made a serious mistake. He scrunches his face up in pain and can be heard saying “IT HURTS”.

Here’s where we segway into something else….. Consider it an intermission…..Don’t worry I will get back to Cemre Candar’s hot sauce stunt in just a minute.

Now, I know this face, and the pain he is obviously in. I can relate to it. Some of you men out there can also relate as well. There is one thing, and only one thing,  that can cause this exact same painful expression…..Can you guess what it us?

For any who has ever had jock itch and was forced to use “Maximum Strength Tinactin Jock Itch Spray” you know exactly the kind of pain I’m talking about.

First of all, get off you’re high horse and quit pretending that this has never happened to you, because you and me both know, it has.

OH, NO, Tom Dye, The Safety Guy is going to start talking about jock itch. You bet you’re ass I am, so sit down and shut up. Obviously, I am either more manly, or crazier then you, because I am willing to talk about it openly to anyone that has the guts to keep reading.

I can admit it, once or twice a year here in Florida I get jock itch when it’s really hot and humid, and I am sweating a lot. If you think that this is not a very attractive image to imagine, believe me it’s not. But, that’s not the point of this story.

Now, like I said, one or two times a year the ugly jock itch rears it’s ugly head and I am forced to act, and act fast. There is one thing that will knock it down with just one or two applications and that is “Maximum Strength Tinactin Jock Itch Spray”.

But, herein lies the problem. Applying “Maximum Strength Tinactin Jock Itch Spray” hurts like someone is indiscriminately using a blow torch on your balls. (OK, testicles to be precise). You make that exact same scrunched up pain face as Cemre Candar does about one second after you spray it on.

Believe me, I know how it feels. I get out of the shower, dry myself off and face the medicine cabinet. At this point I feel like one of those losing gunfighters in one of those 1960’s Clint Eastwood spaghetti westerns. My heart is pounding, my palms are sweaty, my hands are loosely hovering over the imaginary six guns strapped to my sides. I know there is no way I am going to make it out alive, but I refuse to be a coward.

I….suddenly fling open the medicine cabinet…and before I lose my courage I grab the can of “Maximum Strength Tinactin Jock Itch Spray” shake it up….pop the cap off…and….spray it on……Pssssssst, Pssssssst…….. One second later, WHAM!!!!! the pain sets in…… a blow torch right to my nuts. The pain is excruciating for about 45 seconds and then slowly fades away. I lived fight another day.

You see, there is another thing to consider when using “Maximum Strength Tinactin Jock Itch Spray” do not smoke or have any open flames nearby, it may only contain 1% active ingredient, but it also contains: Alcohol SD 40, Isobutane, and Propane, all highly flammable materials of if were ignited would turn you into a human torch.

Another important safety tip from Tom Dye, The Safety Guy – Do not smoke, or use this product within 35 feet of sparks or open flames, to keep yourself from becoming a human torch.

And now back to our feature presentation…

OK, Back to British Vlogger, Cemre Candar, and his 1,350 bottles of hot sauce stunt. It becomes apparent that he knew that this was a serious mistake within seconds of lowering himself into the bath tub full of hot sauce and hot chili peppers. Instead of immediately getting out and calling it a day. Cemre submerges himself all the way in an even submerges his head in the hot sauce. Just to make life more exciting he eats some as well.

He says that even hours later it was very painful and he had painful red splotches all over his body for days after this dumb ass stunt.

Well, I am sorry to say Cemre you get what you deserve. As for me, I will stick to the  “Maximum Strength Tinactin Jock Itch Spray” not because I want to just to make a few bucks, but because I have to.

Suddenly the can of “Maximum Strength Tinactin Jock Itch Spray” doesn’t seem so scary after all.

 

You can watch Cemre’s YouTube video below.

Enjoy.

As Always,

I Am, Tom Dye, The Safety Guy

09/02/2016

 

 

 

 

 

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