Month: August 2016 Page 16 of 19

The Politics of Education

On August 5, 2016

In Politics, Politics and Education, Politics and Satire

The Politics of Education

AUSTIN, Texas – A far-right faction of the Texas State Board of Education succeeded in injecting conservative ideals into social studies, history and economics lessons that will be taught to millions of students for the next decade.

For those of you who don’t know Texas has the largest number of school age children in the nation and most school book publishers are in the state. So, when Texas wants changes, these essentially become the curriculum for the entire nation no matter how wacky or bizarre it may be. Elected officials on the school board “vote” for changes and adopt standards.

I find the entire concept of “voting” for changes in American History to be an absurd notion in itself. History is history, it either happened or it didn’t. We don’t get to change it just because we don’t like it, or personally agree or disagree with it. It is what it is. Beside what do a bunch of elected school board officials know about American History anyway? Aren’t these people the product of these same school systems?

We were always taught that history was written by the winners. I wasn’t aware we had another revolution. Even that doesn’t change the facts because it still happened whether you choose to acknowledge it or not. Beside during the last election these “Conservative, Republican Fundamentalists” lost by a landslide. So now we are letting these wing nuts re-write American History to suit their personal bias and alternate realities?

I have an idea, why don’t we make history really, really interesting and re-write the text books to say that the United States was founded by a group of extraterrestrials from the planet Zorkon. The came to earth and mated with our women and created a super race that we know as Americans. Hey, If your going to rewrite history, why not at least make it really absurd. That way we can all get a good laugh.

Seriously, this is one of the greatest crimes attempted to be perpetrated on American Society in recent times. This is nothing more than a throw back to the Nazi Propaganda Ministers and their revisionist views of history.

If this nonsense is allowed to stand we will do nothing more than create an entire generation of anti-intellectual UN-informed idiots with no accurate understanding of the complex processes that shaped and continue to shape this great diverse nation.

Per Huffingtonpost.com, Below are some of the most egregious proposed changes the “Elected” school board is trying to ram through.

The Board removed Thomas Jefferson from the Texas curriculum’s world history standards on Enlightenment thinking, “replacing him with religious right icon John Calvin.”

“Teachers in Texas will be required to cover the Judeo-Christian influences of the nation’s Founding Fathers, but not highlight the philosophical rationale for the separation of church and state.” “I reject the notion by the left of a constitutional separation of church and state,” said David Bradley, a conservative from Beaumont who works in real estate. “I have $1,000 for the charity of your choice if you can find it in the Constitution.”

Curriculum standards also will describe the U.S. government as a “constitutional republic,” rather than “democratic,” and students will be required to study the decline in value of the U.S. dollar, including the abandonment of the gold standard.

Conservatives beat back multiple attempts to include hip-hop as an example of a significant cultural movement.

The Board refused to require that “students learn that the Constitution prevents the U.S. government from promoting one religion over all others.”

“Other changes seem aimed at tamping down criticism of the right. Conservatives passed one amendment, for instance, requiring that the history of McCarthyism include ‘how the later release of the Venona papers confirmed suspicions of communist infiltration in U.S. government.’ The Venona papers were transcripts of some 3,000 communications between the Soviet Union and its agents in the United States.”

“They also included a plank to ensure that students learn about ‘the conservative resurgence of the 1980s and 1990s, including Phyllis Schlafly, the Contract With America, the Heritage Foundation, the Moral Majority and the National Rifle Association.'” The Dallas Morning News noted that “high school students will learn about leading conservative groups from the 1980s and 1990s – but not about liberal or minority rights groups.”

“Board member Barbara Cargill, R-The Woodlands, objected to a standard for a high school sociology course that addressed the difference between sex and gender. It was eliminated in a 9-to-6 vote. She worried that a discussion of that issue would lead students into the world of ‘transvestites, transsexuals and who knows what else.'”

“Members voted to polish up references to the American ‘free enterprise’ economic system and removed most mentions of ‘capitalism,’ a word that board member Ken Mercer, R-San Antonio, said has a negative connotation.”

“Board members also rejected requiring history teachers and textbooks to provide coverage on the late U.S. Sen. Edward Kennedy and new Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor, while the late President Ronald Reagan was elevated to more prominent coverage.”

With all five minority members dissenting, the conservative-dominated panel voted 10-5 to endorse the proposed standards after rejecting an effort to specifically mention that Tejanos were among the fallen heroes of the Alamo. “I am very distressed,” said Mary Helen Berlanga, D-Corpus Christi, who sponsored the unsuccessful amendment. “Until we are ready to tell the truth about history, we don’t have a good history or social studies textbook.”

Here’s a novel idea, instead of elected individuals determining what school children are taught and obviously injecting their own personal belief systems and alternate realities into the mix, why don’t we have experts do it. Yikes! what a crazy thought that is. But seriously..

Wouldn’t it make more sense to create a national student curriculum advisory board composed of this countries greatest experts in the field, e.g.- Top university scholars and other nationally recognized experts to create a curriculum for students based on the facts instead of personal, political or religious bias? Wow! what a concept it just might be crazy enough to pull off.

The politics of education, you gotta love it.

What do you think?

As always,

I am…

Tom Dye, The Safety Guy

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How A Former Target Manager Is Now Overseeing Nation’s Nuclear Security

By Tom Dye

On August 5, 2016

In Politics and Satire, Tales of the Absurd

A former Target Manager is now overseeing our nations nuclear security? All I can say is, we are f–ked now! This maybe the beginning of the end my friends, Seriously,Because of sequestration or budget cuts, or whatever our new top official overseeing our nations nuclear security, as in nuclear weapons, was actually recruited from Target. I mean Target, the store. You know the one I am talking about right?

Target Store

Well, I hope it was at least a “Super Target” store and not just a regular Target store. Steve Asher, who previously worked as a “Team leader” at a Target store, in Spokane, WA was selected as the “Acting Chief of Defense Nuclear Security and Associate Administrator for Defense Nuclear Security”

Hows that for a long f–king job title?

Whatever happened to the little guy with the bow tie, that worked in a tiny basement office, deep inside The Pentagon, you know the guy who came up with all those snappy military acronyms? Maybe he was layed off due to budget cuts. All I know for sure is Steve Asher, ACDNS, AADNS doesn’t cut it.

I bet his business card must be some sort of special tri-fold design to fit that whole freaking title on it. No matter what they call him, he is in charge of developing and implementing security programs at nuclear sites across the United States.

I hope everyone remembers those stupid nuclear strike drills, that those of us of a certain age had to endure growing up. I have a feeling we are going to need those skills.

Important Safety Tip: For those of you under fifty listen up, this could save your life in the very near future. Evidently, you can protect yourself, from an nuclear blast, including the searing heat hotter then the sun, the air being sucked out of the vicinity of the blast, the tremendous shock wave, radioactivity, and radioactive fallout just by following these simple steps:

First, pull down the blinds on all the windows at the first warning of an imminent nuclear strike. (Seriously, this step is crucial to your survival).

Second, get under your desk, shut your eyes as tight as you can and place your hands around your head. That’s it.

That’s all you have to do to survive a multi-megaton nuclear strike. I should know, we practiced this every Friday, for years, in public schools, when I was a kid, so I am confident that this procedure works.

Anyway, a “Team Leader” at a target store in Spokane, WA is evidently qualified to be in charge of our nations Nuclear weapons? It seems to me that this is not the same thing as foiling a plot to steal a couple of 16 ounce cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer, by stuffing them down their pants. You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure out that no human being is hung like an elephant.

Besides this isn’t much of a security job anyway, all you have to do with these jokers is delay them long enough, until their nuts start to freeze, and then it at least gets entertaining. Steve Asher wasn’t even in charge of the Loss Prevention/Security for Target stores, he was a “Team Leader” (whatever that is) hawking the newest sales on towels, sheets, and kiddie pools.

Somehow, with all his vast experience at Target, as a “Team Leader”, at a single Target store, in Spokane, WA. Steve Asher has somehow parleyed this vast experience into becoming the, “Acting chief of defense nuclear security and associate administrator for defense nuclear security”. Seriously, I am not making this up.

WTF… Just how do you go from from “Team Leader” at Target store in Spokane, to the top dog for security, for this nations most awesomely destructive weapon systems the world as ever seen?

Inter-continental ballistic nuclear missile

Of course, I have some theories on this as well. I noticed a sign at a local Super Target store recently that may offer some clues. Evidently, Target doe’s have some experience in heavy duty nuclear weapon security protocols. Maybe, there is more to Target then meets the eye. Just check out this sign, spotted at my local Super Target store.

You probably noticed right off the bat, that the sign does not say anything about my constitutional 2nd amendment right to carry my military style high powered assault rifle with the extra large capacity magazine. Obviously, I can carry it anywhere I like, including the inside of my Super Target store, when I am buying bread, beer, one sided towels,and yes, maybe even a kiddie pool.

The sign does expressly forbid drugs and nuclear weapons. For the sake of truth and transparency, I do have to admit that I have never seen a nuclear weapon either inside or outside my local Super Target store. However, I once saw members of “The Nuclear Emergency Support Team” (NEST) (formerly known as the Nuclear Emergency Search Team) inside my Target store, buying camping equipment.

In case you don’t already know, NEST is a team of scientists, technicians, and engineers operating under the United States Department of Energy’s National Nuclear Security Administration (NNSA). Whose sole task is to be prepared to respond immediately to any type of radiological accident or incident anywhere in the world.

Anyway, the members of NEST that I saw inside my local Super Target store were buying camping gear, sterno, flashlights, Geiger counters, towels, etc. in bulk. I really didn’t think too much about it at the time and they seemed like a nice enough bunch of guys.

I don’t want to start any conspiracy theories, or anything like that. But, have you seen Target’s logo? There is way too many coincidences here to simply ignore. We now have a Team Leader from Target leading our nations security of our nuclear weapon stockpile. Earlier, I saw members of the NEST team inside a local Super Target. Hmmm.

Also, think about it, Target stores are gigantic, I wonder what could be buried beneath them, out of sight of prying eyes.

What does the name Target stand for anyway?

Maybe the little guy with the bow tie that comes up with all those snappy military acronyms is at it again. Think about it. The store’s logo is a bulls-eye. What does that have to do with a store that sells food and household goods anyway? I am seriously starting to believe that Target stores are a cover for something else far more insidious. My God! This is the perfect cover.

I would be willing to bet that Target is actually a cover for some sort of uber-super secret, US Government military task force. This would also explain where all the prisoners went when the CIA closed down all of their not-so-secret black sites around the world. Or maybe this is where the 19 prisoners missing from Guantanamo Bay ended up. We will most likely never know for sure. I bet Target is actually a military acronym for; Tactical Armed Response Guard for Extreme Threats, or something like that. It’s all becoming so very clear now, why didn’t I see it before?

If I suddenly disappear, of abruptly stop writing my posts for some strange reason, then you will know that I really irritated someone high up in the US Government and learned secrets that I should not know or talk about, and I’m now either being held against my will, in some sort of secret installation under any one of the 1,744 target stores nation wide. Then again, maybe I could have suffered one of those unexplained “accidents”. Hopefully, I have protected myself well enough, to prevent either one.

The conspiracy apparently gets even more murky. It turns out, our new nuclear chief, Steve Asher, Acting Chief of Defense Nuclear Security and Associate Administrator for Defense Nuclear Security, came to Target after leaving Malmstrom Air Force Base in July 2008. From 2005 until 2008, as the commander of Malmstrom’s 341st Security Forces Group, he was in charge of security for 200 intercontinental ballistic missiles in central Montana.

A spokesperson for Target offered the following cryptic response to reporters questions about Steve Asher; “Target is a Fortune 50 company who is extremely selective about who they recruit. Steve was responsible for managing hundreds of people and millions of dollars.”

By the way, According to Target, Steve Asher’s store; “exceeded expectations in revenue and total number of shoppers.”

So there you have it. It seems that there is a pretty clear line between Target stores and the United States Military Industrial Complex. Seriously, why would anyone with Steve’s credentials go to work for Target stores anyway? Serious, a “Team Leader”, come on. Unless there was much, much, more then meets the eye.

So, SuperTarget stores, or Tactical Armed Response Guard for Extreme Threats, or whatever you are really called, or what your real mission is all about, and Steve Asher, Acting Chief of Defense Nuclear Security and Associate Administrator for Defense Nuclear Security,please, please, make sure that you carry out your job really, really, well because the last thing we want to see is this scenario (see picture below) anywhere in the world.

In all seriousness, I just want to tell you, Mr. Steve Asher, Acting Chief of Defense Nuclear Security and Associate Administrator for Defense Nuclear Security, I think I can speak for all of us,when I tell you; we’re all counting on you. Good luck!

As always,

I am…

Tom Dye, The Safety Guy

If you spot any “absurd or misleading headlines”, leave a comment below with the EXACT headline wording as it originally appeared, and just maybe, I will write a story about your absurd news headline, in the very near future.

God Allegedly Tells Family To Get Naked And Walk Down The Street

By Tom Dye

On August 4, 2016

In Indecent exposure, Religion, Tales of the Absurd

God Allegedly Tells Family To ‘Get Naked And Walk Down The Street’. Really? Evidently God is a real comedian or maybe they were listening to the wrong God.

Recently in Charlotte, North Carolina a woman in her twenties and her mother, who was in her forties, were seen walking down the street naked. The younger woman was carrying her baby, and her toddler-aged child was walking with them. Obviously, the Police stopped the family, considering naked people walking down the street naked, are not an everyday occurrence. When the Police inquired as to why they were walking down the street naked, the God fearing adults told them they were just following God’s instructions.

This incident brings up a lot of questions. First of all I am pretty sure that your are not supposed to question God’s commands. However, how do you know you are really talking to THE GOD?. Seriously, when I was a kid and did something stupid, just because one of my idiot friends told me too, he would sometimes ask me “If someone told you to jump off a bridge would you do it?”

Think about that for a minute? Why would God ask you to strip off all your clothes and humiliate yourself by walking down the street naked? What possible gain would God have to make you do something like that? I have a sneaky suspicion that this may not have been the real God at all, at least not in this case.

I mean if God is all knowing and all powerful and created life, the universe and everything, I would think that he/she would be just a little busy keeping things going, then to focus on a couple of insignificant dimwits in Charlotte, North Carolina. Then to convince said dimwits to walk down the street naked.

Unless, you examine the other possibility. This could be another example of a Godly sense of humor. Hey, you never know, maybe God was sitting around with some of the other Gods, and decided to play a little practical joke, on these poor dumba–es, after all God has demonstrated a pretty good sense of humor in the past.

Yes, God has previously demonstrated a supreme sense of humor. Here’s a photo of a prime example.

Duck Billed Platypus

The unusual appearance of this egg-laying, duck-billed, beaver-tailed, otter-footed mammal baffled European naturalists when they first encountered it, with some considering it an elaborate fraud. It is one of the few venomous mammals, the male platypus having a spur on the hind foot that delivers a venom capable of causing severe pain to humans. The unique features of the platypus make it an important subject in the study of evolutionary biology.

I believe that God created the Duck Billed Platypus, specifically just to f–k with Charles Darwin, the father of modern Evolutionary Biology.

There are many other examples of God’s sense of humor as well, e.g. – burying fake carbon dated dinosaur bones all over the world, evidently just to mess with the Creationists, the Loch ness Monster, Sasquatch, extraterrestrial flying saucer flybys, crop circles, periodically convincing a few dimwits that the world is going to end (this seems to be one of God’s favorite practical jokes), etc., etc.

Next time the disembodied voice of God tells you to do something really stupid, maybe you should first ask yourself “Am I the prime candidate in an elaborate practical joke, or am I really being singled out to carry out the command of God? Maybe, God is just testing you to make sure that your not just a dimwitted rube. After all, it could very well be that dimwitted idiots are the last kind of people that Gods wants to to be his spokespersons. Think about it.

As always,

I am…

Tom Dye, The Safety Guy

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Month: August 2016 Page 16 of 19