PROFOUND REVELATIONS

Security Check Finds U.S. Employee Outsourced Job To China In Order To Surf Web All Day.  This guy is a working class hero. I admire, and applaud, his ingenuity, creativity, and entrepreneurial skills. Most of all, this guy has f–king balls. This is a true American Hero!

An IT professional, making six figures, outsourced his own job to China for one fifth of his regular salary.This went on for months before a routine security check on the companies network revealed some suspicious activity, and an investigation was launched.

This guy showed up to work everyday, and was apparently doing his job, and doing it very, very, well as far as anyone could tell, but oh no, my friends, he had his own agenda. This working class hero spent his days something like this:

9:00 a.m. – Arrive and surf Reddit for a couple of hours. Watch videos
11:30 a.m. –  lunch
1:00 p.m. – Ebay .
2:00 p.m – Facebook updates – LinkedIn
4:30 p.m. – End of day update e-mail to management.
5:00 p.m. – Go home

This guys stunt is very similar to subletting a New York City apartment, or when you pay a contractor, or consultant, to do a specific job for you. However, this is a first, outsourcing your own job, so you could sit around and surf the internet all day, all the while the boss thinks your working.  Think about the possibilities.

We are not all like me, where I really enjoy my chosen field. So, if we just ignore the obvious potential security risks to a company due to corporate secrets being revealed to unknown third parties and stuff like that, this would be a truly innovative job outsourcing program.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not condoning outsourcing American jobs to China or anywhere else. This is decidedly different. This working class hero outsourced his own job to china at one fifth his salary. Mr. Outsource actually kept his own job, and created another job overseas.

Mr. Outsource, paid his counterpart, in China, a negotiated rate of approximately one fifth of his American wages. He created this job with his own money, and used his now abundant free time, to just show up at work, and basically surf the web all day.

If you are one of those downtrodden poor souls who have some crappy, uninteresting career, you know something like; accounting, medical billing, accounts payable, telephone customer service, document transcription, manuscript editor, or whatever mind numbing job you may have, you may want to look into this.

Those of you who telecommute, or work from home, you are already in an excellent position to outsource your job. You can spend 8 grueling hours a day at the beach, your favorite bar, going to the movies, or restaurants. This would be an especially golden opportunity for anyone who gets paid for how much work they submit. Talk about the good life. Remember, just don’t over do it, or someone may get suspicious.

This is the perfect plan for those of you who are chronic procrastinators. You wouldn’t even have to keep putting things off till the last minute resulting in even more stress. Outsource your job and sit back and think about it, all you want, you can still submit your work at the very last minute if that makes you feel any better.

What? you think that this sounds dishonest, or somehow immoral? Really? You are sadly mistaken my friend, If you believe for even one moment, that your boss wouldn’t replace your sorry a-s with a robot that could do the same job for like $2.00 per hour. He, or she, would do just that, in a heartbeat, if they could find some way to get away with it.  We are all slowly being replaced by robots anyway. Robots don’t complain, ask for raises, get sick, argue, drink coffee, take breaks, take lunch, run errands, or for some weird reason actually want time off, to take a vacation, or spend time with their family, or new baby.

Some jobs have already been irrevocably replaced by robots, and will never be done by human beings again. These include assembly jobs, many farm operations, and whatever else they can think of. They even have self driving cars now. That’s right they do. Limo drivers, bus drivers, taxi drivers, truck drivers, etc, mark my words, your job’s are next on the chopping block, and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. Technology may march slowly, but it always slowly marches on.

Not all is doom and gloom. We all need to work smarter, not harder. Robots will never able to laugh or cry, with real feelings and emotions. Robots will never be able to contemplate the universe, and rejoice in the simple fact of being alive. Robots will never be able to live the human roller coaster of emotions, from the extreme lows of despair to the ultimate highs of a new baby, or that first glimpse of a new puppy. We are human beings, and we can never be replicated.

Remember, We can always unplug those chunky robot a–es, or turn a half million dollar robot into a half million dollar pile of scrap, in less then five minutes. The Luddites were right, when they railed against technology, they just went about it all wrong.

Besides, If worse comes to worse, I can always get a job, polishing, and repairing robots, or outsource my job, to that geeky kid next door. If I am really smart, I will just outsource my job to a robot, and be ahead of the curve.
As always,

I am…Tom Dye, The Safety Guy

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