Tales oF the Absurd, Original Satire, Politics & News Commentary

Tag: Sean Spicer

I Didn’t Mean To Lie, But I Did Anyway!

I Didn’t Mean To Lie, But I Did Anyway!

One of my Facebook friends recently posted a yet seemingly simple, but ultimately complex question. “Can any of my genius friends explain to me what, “I didn’t MEAN to lie” means? I’m kinda lost”

Actually, this is a really interesting question. Of course this begs the question, Why do people lie anyway? and who the hell cares?

One of the most interesting replies to her question was, “I didn’t mean for you to pay attention to the details of what I said….so as I was storytelling some extra colorful (and fictitious) portions were added. I then repeated it to myself enough times that I came to believe my fabricated version, thus it became MY truth, and therefore, when conveyed to you I believed it as fact. So, I may have TECHNICALLY lied, but it was an accident”

Now, this is a perfect explanation of the type of lies that your average Trumpian Republican politician tells us on a daily basis. You know who I’m talking about, Sean Spicer, Kellyanne Conway, Paul Ryan, and Donald Trump and a host of other Trump minions.

Here’s a fun fact. Did you know that Kellyanne Conway was the very first person who while in the middle of lying on the air (During Meet the Press) actually coined the term “Alternative Facts” to justify her lies? Yes it’s true.

I find these type of lies to be more entertainment than lies. Turn on the Sunday news shows when they have Trump surrogates, break out the popcorn and beer. Who the hell cares that these shows start at 9:00 AM, alcohol is definitely called for. I mean seriously, you have to suspend reality as much as possible to actually listen to these people.

I will say that Sean Spicer has a lot more fortitude than me. Just imagine, this guy goes out in front of the White House press corp every single day and lies his ass off. I am not talking about those kind of lies that anybody can confirm, or even care about.

Like when someone asks how you got that scar on your arm and you relate how when you were in the 3rd grade the neighbor’s German Shepard dog, Rex, got out of his yard and attacked you. When in reality you were jealous of  your Grandmothers beloved miniature Chihuahua, Tinkerbell, and kept pulling it’s tail when it was sleeping, and it turned around and bit you with those little needle teeth. And furthermore, you fucking deserved it because you were just a little brat who exhibited animal cruelty from an early age. You may have grown up to be  a serial killer as far as I know.

But, I digress…

Sean Spicer is forced to go out everyday on the international stage and lies through his teeth about issues that everyone knows he’s lying about. You don’t even have to Google it, it’s that obvious. And, he even says them with a straight face.

I mean seriously, the only people who actually believe his word vomit are the uneducated and deplorable Trump supporters. Everyone else, not so much. Actually, not at all.

Now, if that was me, I would snap after the second or third time that Trump sent me out there to lie like that. Seriously, Suddenly without warning I would just snap and say, Fuck It! I’m outta here.  Anything you want to know about the lying motherfucker Donald Trump, nows the time as I’m pretty sure that we have about two minutes before I’m escorted out of the building. I’m available for exclusive interviews starting tomorrow. Fuck You Trump, and I hope you rot in hell. (Mic Drop!!!)

At least my conscience would be clear, I’d do it in a heartbeat and never look back. Besides, I figure that would increase my 15 minutes of fame to at least 30-45 minutes, Maybe an hour, if I played my cards right.

Of course, there are different magnitudes of lying. Some forms of lying may be appropriate some are not. If your spouse asks you something you should always tell the truth as that’s what relationships are based upon, telling the truth. Honesty is always the best policy when it comes to your loved ones.

Certainly, people lie about why they can’t make it into work, on a Monday morning when they are too hung over to get out of bed. People also tell “White Lies” to make people feel better about themselves or others.

People lie about their past, their relationships, what they did over the weekend and a multitude of other reasons. People lie about their motivations, to increase their status wits with coworkers, bosses, friends and even complete strangers.

There is on situation where lying is expected, as a matter of fact, it’s actually protocol to do so. When you arrive at work and you greet your co-workers and ask them, How are you doing?” it is expected that they say something like, good, or OK, or some other affirmative response. Never, is it OK for them to stop and start telling you about how their dog died, their Uncle passed away, or describe any other tragedy before you have even had a chance to finish your coffee yet.

We should take with a grain of salt anything anyone tells us, not because that they are lying, but because their perceived reality may be different from our own. That’s just how life is.

Personally, I have always believed that honesty is the best policy as I never have to keep track of what I have told one person vs. another. It certainly makes life easier for me, anyway.

So how did I respond to my friend’s Facebook post? I replied, ” It mean’s that they are lying about lying, but their still lying when they say that they didn’t mean it about lying”.

You see, as a writer I lie all the time, As a matter of fact I’m lying right now.


As Always,

I Am…..

Thomas Dyson

This life commentary is an original work of satire by Thomas Dyson. If you enjoyed this article or others on please consider becoming a subscriber, it’s free. You will be the first to know when new articles are published. Rest assured we don’t use your email address for anything else. Feel free to share this article or others far and wide on your social media circles or shout it from the rooftops.  Your comments or suggestions are always welcome here. 


Revenge of The Clowns And The New GOP Presidential Circus

Revenge of The Clowns, And The New GOP Presidential Circus!

The Barnum & Baily Circus may be ending its 124 year run in May 2017, but the circus isn’t over yet, not by a long run my friends. Due to unpopular demand, the circus has reformed and set up their big top in Washington, D.C. for an open-ended limited engagement in our nation’s capitol.

All New GOP Presidential Circus

OH!, and great news the elephants, and the amazing freak show are back as well. Tickets are on sale right now!

Let’s meet the brand new cast of characters. You will truly be horrified, thrilled, and amazed.

First, the Russian-GOP Circus has a brand new head clown. I am truly excited about this one.

First up, meet, Braggadocious Blowhard Trump, the new Russian-GOP Presidential Clown.

Braggadocious Blowhard Trump the Russian Clown

Braggadocious Blowhard Trump, the Russian Clown – Is a former reality TV star and pretends to be a billionaire. He gives a somewhat erratic performance and has multiple routines which include; racist, xenophobic, bigoted, misogynistic, authoritarian, homophobic, rants and raves to the delight of the crowds.  What’s really hilarious, he also pretends to be in charge, and as an extra bonus, he has a very active, alternative facts, Twitter account.

Believe me, when I say that you will not be disappointed with his wacky rants coupled with his sixth-grade vocabulary, this is family fun at it’s best.  He is absolutely destined to be a crowd favourite. Personally, I believe his denial of the Russian collusion routine is especially entertaining.

Next meet, The Ring Master, Comrade Manafort

Ring Master Comrade Manafort

The Ring Master, Comrade Paul Manafort – Comrade Manafort has deep Russian ties and is responsible for getting the long-term booking of the GOP Circus to Washington, D.C. Comrade Manafort and his Russian pals helped Braggadocious Blowhard Trump, the new Russian-GOP Clown, and arranged for his long-term engagement in Washington, D.C. as well as the return of the elephants, and the freak show. On top ot that, Comrade Manafort also arranged for a brand new big top tent, the biggest, most beautiful big top tent ever built.

The Ringmaster, Comrade Paul Manafort, also has an amazing act where he launders piles of dirty money and makes it disappear it right before your eyes. It really is mind-boggling. Once again, it’s really good fun for the entire family.

Next Up, meet Comrade Stone, the Magnificant.

Comrade Stone the Magnificent

I can’t say enough about Comrade Stone The Magnificent’s act. He is another one from the Russian contingent of the Presidential GOP Circus. Comrade Stone the Magnificent is a mentalist. This guy tries to make you believe anything. He will attempt to make you believe that the sky is red, trees are blue, up is down, and down is up. He is truly amazing. Just beware that your sense of reality will be severely challenged after watching his act.  I will say that his act is probably inappropriate for the un-educated as well as small children.

And now for my favourite part of the GOP Presidential Circus, THE GOP PRESIDENTIAL CIRCUS FREAK SHOW. I love the freak show, it has been missing from the GOP Presidential Circus for years, but now it’s back. I am getting my tickets as soon as I can. I am not going to miss this. This is a once in a lifetime event.

Let’s meet the freak show, The Circus Barker, is Sean “The Lapdog” Spicer. This guy is one of my favourites.

Profound Revelations is proud to bring you exclusive video of one of his recent performances.

This is the ultimate in family entertainment.The GOP Presidential Circus couldn’t have picked a better Circus Barker than Sean, “The Lapdog” Spicer.  This guy calls it like it is, not matter how outrageous his statements may be.

And now for my absolute favourite member of the GOP Presidential Circus Freak Show. Meet Kellyann “The Contortionist” Conway.

Kellyann “The Contortionist” Conway

Kellyann “The Contortionist” Conway – is just like Wonder Woman, she can deflect anything and everything directed at her, watch her carefully as she twists and ties herself up in knots to avoid answering any question throws at her. Her performance is truly mind boggling.

Here’s another exclusive video from Profound Revelations that will give you a feel for just how awesome her act is.

And I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the return of the GOP Presidential Circus Elephants. There are a lot of Elephants in this new version of the GOP Presidential Circus.

GOP Elephants

There are many more characters, such as, Michael “Flim Flam” Flynn, Devin “The Collusionist” Nunes, and many others, but I don’t want to give away the entire secret of the GOP Presidential Circus.

Buy your tickets now as the GOP Presidential Circus full run is in doubt, as uncertain economic factors may force an early impeachment or mass resignations.

Unfortunately, the GOP Presidential Circus may have to close early, so buy your tickets right now, and don’t miss out on this amazing family fun, suitable for all ages, See the GOP Presidential Circus now before it closes, and is gone forever.

The Cast of the GOP Presidential Circus


As Always,

I Am…..

Tom Dye, The Safety Guy

This article is a work of satire, and news commentary, by Tom Dye, The Safety Guy and is based upon personal opinion and published news stories. The names have not been changed and the innocent will be determined in a court of law.

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