How We Snuck Up On The Syrians And Launched 59 Cruise Missiles a Multimedia Timeline!

This was a brilliant act of deception. First of all, we sent at least two U.S. Navy Guided Missile Destroyers, the USS Ross and the USS Porter, into the Mediterranean sea off the coast of Syria and evidently, nobody noticed.

Here’s a photo of the USS Ross, I don’t believe anyone could mistake her for a cruise ship or anything else.

USS Ross Guided Missile Destroyer

Of course, there was also the Guided Missile Destroyer the USS Porter as well. Plus, I am fairly certain that there were support ships nearby as well. I mean seriously, warships have very distinctive visual characteristics that are painfully obvious no matter which country they are from. First of all, they are always painted grey, they are bristling with weapons, and all of them have big white numbers with a black outline around them. Even the most casual glance at them would reveal that these ships are not container ships, cargo ships or cruise ships.

Here’s a short video that will give you a better idea what I am talking about.

The only human beings on the planet who have ever failed to recognise a warship for what it was, were Somali pirates a few years ago, who mistook both Russian and Danish warships for commercial ships.  I attribute this to the fact that Somali are totally uneducated morons.

Just imagine their surprise when they come speeding up on a warship with their small fast boats with a couple of AK-47’s and maybe an RPG only to discover that all they could do was chip the paint and really piss these guys off. Seriously, all the Navy’s around the world spend a lot of time painting the ship and maintaining it to the highest state of readiness. I can only imagine that the Somali Pirates felt something like this….

Anyway, back to sneaking up on the Syrians. Maybe they disguised themselves as everyday, run of the mill cruise ships and the support vessels were disguised as fishing trawlers or something equally as benign.

Whatever the case, neither the Russians or Syrians seemed to have noticed the wolf in sheep’s clothing right in their own backyard.

On April 7th, at approximately 3:40 AM, local time in Syria, both the USS Ross, and the USS Porter, shed their cruise ship disguises and started launching dozens of cruise missiles toward Syria’s Shayrat Airfield, where the two-bit Dictator Assad and his Russian and Iranian pals had launched a chemical weapons attack against his own people three days prior. Both US Navy Missile Destroyer’s launched 30 cruise missiles each for 60 missiles in total. (one cruise missile failed shortly after launch), so only 59 missiles were actually launched towards Syria….. Missiles Away!

The biggest mystery is how do you launch 59 missiles at Syria which is protected with advanced Russian missile defence systems? It’s actually quite ingenious. You have them fly like 50 feet off the ground in a slow meandering pattern. Paint some Arabic or Cyrillic letters on them and they look just like small planes. Essentially, to anybody still awake, and looking up, nothing to see here, unless you happened to be stationed at Shayrat Airbase, then that would be your Oh Shit! moment.

Oh, it gets even better. Approximately one hour before the 59 cruise missiles struck the Syrian Shayrat Airbase, the Russians were called to get out of harm’s way. Which is actually a very sane plan as we certainly don’t want a major conflict with Russia.

I am really disappointed that I was not asked to make the call to the Russians at ~2:40 AM local time. I can only imagine that it went something like this.

(Of course, there would be English to Russian translators and vise-versa. But for the sale of clarity, everyone speaks English in this conversation.)

Ring, Ring, Ring, Ring…

America: Hello?

Is this the Russian Commander at Shayrat Airbase?

Russian: Yes, who is this?

America: This is the Commander of the United States naval Strikeforce. hold on a second, I can’t hear you with all the missile launch alarms and cruise missiles launching and all.

America: OK, That’s better. You need to leave in less than an hour as terror from hell is coming your way.

Russian: It’s fucking 2:40 Am is this some sort of joke? Who are you?

America: This is America, I suggest that you leave now, or die, it’s entirely up to you.

Russian: What…

America: Click….. (Line goes dead)

Apparently, the warning was successful, No Russians were killed in the missile strike. Les than an hour later 59 U.S Tomahawk cruise missiles struck the Shayrat airbase taking out radar, command and control, ammo bunkers, as well as damaging or destroying 20% of Syria’s air force.

Shayrat Airbase after the attack

This cruise missile strike was in direct response to Assad’s decision to launch a chemical weapons attack on his own people, including civilians, men, women and children. These people died a slow and painful death from a horrendous weapon that is banned worldwide by international convention.

There is a lot of misinformation going around the internet that is not true. (seriously, the internet, misinformation? go figure)

According to thew internet trolls, the United States warned Russia in advance so this a proof of Trump and Russia colluding together.  – First of all, I don’t support or believe almost anything that the orange –Cheeto- Emperor, Donald Trump (SCROTUS) bullshit on almost anything.

But in this case, I agree that killing Russian soldiers in an unprovoked attack would certainly be a very bad move.

The Airbase is still operational and the runways weren’t even damaged. – You don’t use $500,000 missiles to blast a few holes in runways. A runway can be patched with a few bags of asphalt in only a couple of hours.

And my favorite one, Why didn’t we just blow up the bunkers that we suspect contains their chemical weapons? – Seriously? think about that for a minute. So we should have attacked the bunkers containing chemical weapons so we could release a cloud of deadly nerve agents and kill possibly thousands of people. Doe’s this even make any sense at all. How would that male us any better than Assad?

Here is Trump SCROTUS speech on his justification for attacking Syria.

Here’s a newsflash Trump SCROTUS! If you would only allow the women, children and beautiful babies from Syria to come to the United States as refugees, maybe they could actually live a better life and not die. Think about it.

And the best thing about this entire thing is the Ultra Right-Wing nuts who supported Trump’s whole racist, xenophobic, bigoted, America First nonsense have turned on Trump like rabid dogs. This is great news.

Ann Coulter, Paul Watson, editor for Infowars, Richard Spencer, a far-right activist and white nationalist, and many other far right and pro-Russian activists have denounced Trump’s actions as a betrayal of the far-right America First movement.

This reaction alone is worth every single penny of what the 59 cruise missiles cost.

Nothing like killing two birds with one stone, or in this case 59.

This kind of reminds me of an old song….


As Always,

I Am…..

Tom Dye, The Safety Guy


This article is an original work of satire and news commentary by Tom Dye The Safety Guy based on actual recent events. Become a subscriber today, it’s free and be the first to learn about new articles posted. Tell your friends, share it on social media or shout it from the rooftops.