Man Accused Of Sex With Mini-Donkey Says It’s His Constitutional Right

I just happen to have a pocket copy of The United States Constitution, that I received in the mail from the ACLU. I need to look this up, just a minute, and I will be right back with you………..

Sorry about the wait, The United States Constitution is a bunch of very fine print. I needed to find my glasses first. Well, I read through the whole thing carefully, and nope, you do not have a Constitutional Right to have sex with mini-donkeys or even full sized donkeys.

Lets explore this argument from a Constitutional law point of view. First, we need to establish a timeline of events.

The Constitution was adopted on September 17, 1787, by the Constitutional Convention in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, and ratified by conventions in eleven states. It went into effect on March 4, 1789. The first ten constitutional amendments ratified by three-fourths of the states in 1791 are known as the Bill of Rights.

In 1929, Robert Green imported seven mini-donkeys of the small indigenous Sardinian breed to the United States. The first foal was born in the same year.

The first thing we discover is there is a 138 year difference between the ratification of the Bill of Rights in 1791, and the first introduction of the mini-donkey in North America in 1929.

The first ramifications of this timeline is that the framers of the Constitution, our Founding Fathers, could not have guaranteed your Constitutional Right to have sex with a mini-donkey because there were no mini-donkeys in the United States for another 138 years after the ratification of the United States Constitution. Besides, there is much written about the Constitutional Convention held in Philadelphia in 1787. There was no mention of donkeys of any size. As a matter of fact, there was no mention of guaranteeing your right to sex with any sort of animal whatsoever.

Lastly, If the Supreme Court would hear this case on it’s Constitutional merits, which they wouldn’t, I guarantee it would be the SCOTUS shortest case in United States history. This sickos lawyers would plead their case on it’s supposed Constitutional merits, the nine justices of the Supreme Court would confer amongst themselves for like three seconds, and render a verdict. The verdict would be a unanimous NO!

Thirty seven States have laws banning sex with animals, and rightfully so. Just because the Constitution doe’s not specifically grant you a particular right, or conversely specifically forbids a particular act, does not in any way mean that you have explicit rights under the Constitution. That’s what the Congress is for, to create laws.

So as you can see the United States Constitution is not going to protect your sick deviant behavior.

Besides, I am pretty sure that the SPCA kind of frowns upon this particular activity. This idiot should be banned from ever owning an animal, an even be barred from visiting a zoo for life.

Clown Accused Of Fighting With Cop Gets Ornery In CourtLet me say right off the bat, I HATE CLOWNS! There I said it. I don’t mean that I am afraid of clowns, because I certainly am not. I just don’t find them funny, not even in the slightest.

Clowns riding little teeny, tiny bicycles or unicycles, Not Funny. Clowns riding in little tiny cars, also not funny. Twenty seven clowns piling out of a little car, also not funny, and don’t get me started on balloon animals.

If you have ever seen one clown act, in your entire life you have seen them all. The only thing worse then clowns is mimes, but this story is not about mimes, we talking about clowns.

The most memorable clowns were certainly not even remotely funny at all. I will give you some specific examples, there are lots more, but these are the ones that come to mind right away.

Here’s one,  John Wayne Gacy, he was a serial killer and rapist who sexually assaulted and murdered at least 33 teenage boys and young men in the 1970’s.  He was executed in May 1994. John Wayne Gacy later became known as the “Killer Clown” due to his charitable services at fundraising events, parades and children’s parties where he would dress as “Pogo the Clown”, a character he devised himself. This psycho used to even paint pictures of clowns as well.

How about that clown in Florida, that used to do children’s parties and events like that, that was arrested because law enforcement intercepted text messages and emails where he expressed the desire to kill and eat children, he wasn’t clowning around either.

Lastly, have you ever seen the movie – Killer Clowns From Outer Space? If you haven’t seen it, you should definitely check it out. This movie is exactly about, what the title implies. This movie was a quasi, science fiction, horror movie, that was so bad, that it was actually pretty good. If your a fan of really,really, off-beat, B-rated, sci-fi horror films, then you will absolutely love this film. Like I said, clowns are not funny.

How about those bizarre clothes and make up, This is enough to make a drag queen run away in horror. Don’t get me wrong, I really like drag queen shows, I find them to be very entertaining. As a matter of fact, one of my favorite movies of all time is – The Bird Cage. This is one really, really, funny movie. Obviously drag queens have class, as you have never seen a drag queen dressed as a clown, now have you? I think not.

Now back to the story of this not so funny clown that was arrested for  disorderly conduct and resisting an officer after his  fisticuffs with a Police Officer.  The altercation started after they got reports that this clown was spraying drivers with a squirt gun. I am pretty sure that the cops were not clowning around when they arrested this idiot. Then this clown shows up in court, red nose and all and starts a bunch of crap with the judge and the court bailiff.

I bet the Judge won’t be clowning around either, when he sentences this clown. While we are at it, why don’t we just round up all the other clowns, and arrest them as well. The world would certainly be a lot better place. Like I said before, I HATE CLOWNS!

As always,

I am…

Tom Dye, The Safety Guy

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